Psst. Pass the catsup.

The Smoking Gun has posted the 2007 Steelers rider.

A rider is basically a document sent to a hotel or venue prior to a celebrity’s arrival there which spells out specific wants, desires, etc.  Riders are famously specific, down to the exact shape and size of pillows, scent of candles, color of drapery, and number of bags of Cheetos.

The Steelers rider has the following notables:

1.  Players are not allowed incoming phone calls after 11:00 p.m.  This explains why Hines never takes my calls.

2.  No other guest may stay on the same floor as the players.

3.  A 40-person chapel must be set up in the hotel.  This is so they can pray that Benny will stop throwing interceptions and that the next person that touches Troysus’ hair will be smote with leprosy.

4.  Players are not permitted to have alcohol in their rooms.  I imagine this does not sit well with those players that like to drink like champions.

5.  Mass quantities of Gatorade are shipped to the hotel.  The hotel is then required to place buckets full of bottled Gatorade at the entrance of each elevator.  No wonder Troysus calls it “Gatorade propoganda.”

6.  Dan Rooney MUST have foam rubber pillows in his room.  Geez.  Can’t the man just bring his own damn rubber pillow?

7.  Meals must include Heinz Ketchup and ONLY Heinz Ketchup.  I wonder if any of the players smuggle in Hunts Catsup and pass it under the table all, “Shit.  This ketchup is terrible!  Does anyone have any CATS-up?”

8.  The Steelers players have a night of arrival “snack” and boy, are those little quotes necessary when I say “snack” because their “snack” includes all of the following:  spaghetti, chicken wings, hamburgers, pizza, french fries, chicken breast, veggies, sandwich board, eggs, fruit, salad, ice cream and cookies, and then a slow and painful death brought on by clogged arteries.  If God meant humans to eat like that, he’d have made us elephants … or “Ed Rendell.”

(h/t to those couple of readers that emailed it and I for the life of me can’t find them right now.  This is because I’m going to swim right now.)





9 Comments

  1. Judge Rufus Peckham
    August 15, 2007 10:47 pm

    Most surprising to me is number six. Who the hell is Dan Rooney trying to be, Sinatra? Nut foam rubber pillows? Come on! I mean, if you’re going to insist on special requirements like you’re a big shot, can’t you do better than that? That is utterly pathetic. Put it this way, if Kevin McClatchy had imposed such a requirement, the city would be all over him. I suspect we’ll give Mr. Rooney a pass because he’s, well, Mr. Rooney.



  2. Rachel
    August 16, 2007 1:13 am

    Wow, what an awesome read.

    I like to think that all of the Steelers enthusiastically reach for Heinz. And watch Mr. Rodgers.

    And kick pigeons.



  3. Bob
    August 16, 2007 9:05 am

    In the land of sports & entertainment riders, the Steelers’ requests are pretty mild.

    Now THESE are riders.



  4. Johnny
    August 16, 2007 9:23 am

    Yeah. I think that it is pretty reasonable overall. Nothing like bowls of only green m&m’s or all TV as set to Fox News.
    I think it is very reasonable to not have alcohol in the rooms, stop incomeing phone calls so they can get sleep, don’t have other guests on the same floor so they (players and guests) won’t be bothered. Seems reasonable to me.



  5. NoSide15212
    August 16, 2007 9:38 am

    I see nothing out of the ordinary in the Steelers rider. Blocking incoming calls and prohibiting alcohol seem to be pretty smart requests; even the Heinz ketchup doesn’t seem so diva-like when you factor in the $57 million dollar check ponied up by Heinz for stadium naming rights. Clearing floors is boilerplate language in virtually *any* NFL/MLB/NBA contract.



  6. Jonathan Potts
    August 16, 2007 10:31 am

    Is it really necessary to specify that all place settings at meal include a knife, fork and spoon?



  7. Maria in Pgh
    August 16, 2007 12:39 pm

    What do they have against sporks?



  8. Chase
    August 16, 2007 4:12 pm

    It’s not from 2007. It’s way old. It has Tom Donahoe listed on it.



  9. Brando
    August 21, 2007 7:31 pm

    Check out a link to some audio regarding this from the Don and Mike Radio show at e-Breezewood.

    600 bottles of Gatorade, not included…