The Smoking Gun has posted the 2007 Steelers rider.
A rider is basically a document sent to a hotel or venue prior to a celebrity’s arrival there which spells out specific wants, desires, etc. Riders are famously specific, down to the exact shape and size of pillows, scent of candles, color of drapery, and number of bags of Cheetos.
1. Players are not allowed incoming phone calls after 11:00 p.m. This explains why Hines never takes my calls.
2. No other guest may stay on the same floor as the players.
3. A 40-person chapel must be set up in the hotel. This is so they can pray that Benny will stop throwing interceptions and that the next person that touches Troysus’ hair will be smote with leprosy.
4. Players are not permitted to have alcohol in their rooms. I imagine this does not sit well with those players that like to drink like champions.
5. Mass quantities of Gatorade are shipped to the hotel. The hotel is then required to place buckets full of bottled Gatorade at the entrance of each elevator. No wonder Troysus calls it “Gatorade propoganda.”
6. Dan Rooney MUST have foam rubber pillows in his room. Geez. Can’t the man just bring his own damn rubber pillow?
7. Meals must include Heinz Ketchup and ONLY Heinz Ketchup. I wonder if any of the players smuggle in Hunts Catsup and pass it under the table all, “Shit. This ketchup is terrible! Does anyone have any CATS-up?”
8. The Steelers players have a night of arrival “snack” and boy, are those little quotes necessary when I say “snack” because their “snack” includes all of the following: spaghetti, chicken wings, hamburgers, pizza, french fries, chicken breast, veggies, sandwich board, eggs, fruit, salad, ice cream and cookies, and then a slow and painful death brought on by clogged arteries. If God meant humans to eat like that, he’d have made us elephants … or “Ed Rendell.”
(h/t to those couple of readers that emailed it and I for the life of me can’t find them right now. This is because I’m going to swim right now.)