And …………….. DRINK! A whole lot.

You can download a copy of the “Mayor’s Neighborhoods First Handbook” at the city website.  First, I can’t tell you how shocked I am that it isn’t called “Luke Ravenstahl’s Neighborhoods First Handbook.”

Now that the initial shock has worn off, I’m drunk off my ass because:

1.  In an effort to move forward with a plan for a new Pittsburgh, I have introduced the following initiatives and programs.

2.  Freeing these properties enables community development corporations and businesses with interest in development to assemble shovel-ready sites and to move forward where there once was a roadblock.

3.   … and will be able to move forward with the sale of property.

4.  The Propel Pittsburgh Commission will help to give the young adults and young professionals of Pittsburgh a major role in moving the City of Pittsburgh forward.

I’m off to find some Bailey’s for my coffee.


  1. kirshpgh
    August 21, 2007 9:57 am

    I am glad that Luke’s picture only appears 3 times on the cover of the Handbook, because 4 pictures would seem superfluous.

  2. Steely McBeam
    August 21, 2007 11:14 am

    oh geez… he also used another one of my favorite useless terms… “shovel-ready”

  3. Shibori
    August 21, 2007 11:45 am

    What’s up with the poorly photoshopped background of his fancy formal mayor picture on the second page? Wonder what the background really was? And can I dare to dream that the new “Beat Officers” will inspire more spontaneous dancing in the ‘Burgh?

  4. Pensgirl
    August 21, 2007 12:38 pm

    That does it. Mr. Mayor has finally used “move forward” enough times to get me on board. There’s no better phrase in the English language – why, he wouldn’t say it so freakin’ often if it wasn’t! Right? Right. Thus, moving foward, I plan to move forward with “move forward.” I will start by changing the “D” on my car’s gearshift to “MF.” And awww, I’ll think of Lukey whenever I see it.

    ‘Cause, y’know, the letters “M.F.” just have a way of bringing him to mind.

    August 21, 2007 6:36 pm


  6. Bram R
    August 21, 2007 8:37 pm

    Anyone else get a new round of hands-on-hips campaign literature, paid for by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania?

  7. Ed Heath
    August 22, 2007 6:57 am

    As I waded through the variety of confusing bureaucratise, I came upon “Shovel-ready sights”. What’s a *sight*? A vista you can dig up? Who edited this thing? Spell check can’t tell the difference between sight and site.

    And as Bram says, where’s the campaign literature for the opponent? Although, was it Commonwealth money or city money that produced this virtual nonsense?

    Pensgirl, why doesn’t your gearshift say 1,2,3,4,5,R? Don’t you have any of what Cheney calls personal virtue?

  8. Pensgirl
    August 22, 2007 11:55 am

    Ed, I would love for my gearshift to say that, but I would also love to be able to reach a clutch without having to either slide halfway down the seat, stretch so much that I incur a legcramp, or sit so far up that steering becomes impossible. If you can find me a little, well-made, reliable, fuel-efficient 1,2,3,4,5,R car under $20K that has an adjustable clutch for the short-gammed, then I would be ever so delighted to make it my next purchase. Until then, Bawlmer to Pixburgh in half a tank ain’t bad.