I had no idea the amount of oddities you could purchase for the Steelers fan in your life.
Step right up as I open my trench coat to reveal some of the better ones:
1. A talking bottle opener featuring the voice of Bill Hillgrove. Yours today for the low low price of $8.95. Luckily, my Zimas are twist offs, so I don’t need this.
2. Do your tailgating in a swimming pool! (read product features) This is because football takes place predominantly during the warm summer months. That’s just a fact.
3. Need to shut up that annoying drunken Browns fan next to you? This might be just the thing you’re looking for!
4. Do you so get a kick out of it when your children wake up screaming?! I bet! Then this is for you! And it’s under $80! Lucky you.
5. Perhaps you’d like a kinder, gentler Steely McBeam?
I’d like to interrupt my sales pitch to remind you once again that Steely McBeam is the giantest vacuum of suck EVER!
6. This Christmas. Your tree. These three. Make it happen.
7. When it’s time to GET IT ON with the special lady in your life, she’ll find nothing more romantic than a room full of these glowing candles. Trust me. I wouldn’t lie to you.
8. That’s just classy. I don’t care who you are.
9. For that person in your life that thinks Benny is SO HOT SQUEEEEEEEEEE! can I interest you in this?
I’ll end my pitch by telling you that this might be the most awesome thing EVER!