Monthly Archives: August 2007

“Pappy, I’m dead.”

Why can’t the world just be a nice, happy place where harmless snark abounds?

Why do dads have to leave their kids in cars to go look at porn?

Why do moms have to leave their babies alone while they go out to the local bar?

Why do moms have to get hookers for their 12-year-olds?

Why do brothers have to stab their 11-year-old twin brothers and leave them to die in the family attic?

The boys, who would mark their 12th birthday in November, were both straight-A students at Linton Middle School, youth league all-stars in baseball, and played football with the Guyasuta Football League. Tyron played quarterback and Tyrell was the running back.

Stories like this one just make me wonder what the hell is going on … and can we just get back to the way we used to be?

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Random n@.

1. As I’ve said before, when Sonni Abatta sends you a link, you post the damn thing, even if someday she links me to a totally “interesting” article on the official grass of the state of Pennsylvania.

She writes:

“They are sociable and gentle, monogamous, good parents and great athletes.” Guess who?!

The Polamalus?   Wrong.   Is Sonni Abatta a pigeon lover?

Also, they forgot “bridge bringer downers.”

(h/t to NC Burgher, too)

2.  The “Steely McBeam?  WTF?” group on Facebook now has 213 members, while two “Get rid of Steely McBeam” groups have a total of about 2,000 members.  “Send Steely McBeam back to McDonaldland” has 122 members.  Shockingly, the “I love Steely McBeam” group has 8 members, one of who states that “Steely’s Mc’Beam’ is mine!”

3.   The Farmer’s Almanac is predicting this winter will be a terrible one for the Burgh.  PittGirl predicts that the Farmer’s Almanac is a load of horse shit.  True story.

4.   Go here to take a good look at the face of the man that left his toddler in a sweltering car while he went into a porn shop/theatre.  The toddler was in hysterics when found.  Then if you ever see that man on the street, would you kick him in the nuts for me and tell him, “That’s from PittGirl, you asshole.”  Thanks!

5.   Hang out with a guy who knows OJ and whole bunches of people I’ve never seen before in my life?  Yeah, no thanks.  Get over yourself.

6.   Did you guys watch Georgia beat Japan with a home run in extra innings in the Little League World Series over the weekend?

And did you see the cute little Japanese kid who was hugging the kid from Georgia and just sobbing into his chest because they had just lost, and the kid from Georgia was patting him comfortingly on the back while looking over at his friends like, “Help.”  Awesome.

You can watch the video here.

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I just … WHAT?!?!

Sometimes, PittGirl comes across an article so astounding that even though it doesn’t have anything to do with the Burgh, she can’t help but write about it because my GOD THEY ARE TRYING TO POTTY TRAIN INFANTS!

Best parts:

Thirteen-month-old Dominic Klatt stopped banging the furniture in the veranda, looked at his mother and clasped his right hand around his left wrist to signal that he needed to go to the bathroom.

His mother took the diaper-less tot to a tree in the yard, held him in a squatting position and made a gentle hissing sound — prompting the infant to relieve himself on cue before he rushed back to play.

If I ever encountered a mother whose child has a secret baseball type signal to use when he has to go potty and then would go potty when his mother hissed at him while holding him near a tree, I would assume they were all scientologists and run away screaming.

Parents who practice the so-called “elimination communication” learn to read their children’s body language to help them recognize the need, and they mimic the sounds that a child associates with the bathroom.

What sound do they make when their child needs to poop? Do they grunt and stuff? Also, “elimination communication”? Awesome!

Isis Arnesen, 33, of Boston, has a 14-week-old daughter, Lucia, who is diaper-free. She said it can be awkward to explain the process to people, such as when she helped Lucia relieve herself in a sink at a public restroom.

I just. What?!?!?!

“Sometimes I don’t know what’s gonna happen and it doesn’t work, and sometimes I feel a little embarrassed,” Arnesen said. “It makes her happy though, right? She smiles, she’s happy.”

You know what else makes babies happy? Toys.

And then there’s this picture:

Way to go, mom. That poor kid. He’s going to be 16 someday you know? He’s going to be 40 someday. And he’s going to realize someday that his fifteen minutes of fame were used up by his mother who pimped him out to MSNBC to take his picture being hovered over a potty while he waited for number 2.

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And …. DRINK!

Reader Bill alerted me to the fact that Lukey was moving forward with his bad self during a KD/PG Sunday Edition recently:


I spent all night trying to figure out how the hell to embed a video in WordPress and have now completely exhausted myself to the point that I hate my laptop, it hates me, and I can’t even think of anything witty to say right now because I’m pretty sure that I am dumb as lettuce, too.

Um … Iraq.

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Random n@.

1. During last night’s pre-season game on NBC, John and Al were discussing the awesome vista that is the city of Pittsburgh at night at which point Al said that it was one of the most spectacular views in all of the country, and that downtown Pittsburgh is “home to a lot of Fortune 500 companies.” If by home he means headquartered then by a lot he means six, because that’s how many are still here now that Alcoa, Mellon, and Duquesne Light have left.

2. Speaking of the game, I cannot tell you how much I love seeing Dick Lebeau on the sidelines, getting all up in the players’ faces and smacking their asses. Love it!

3. Reader doodlebopsmom linked me to this YouTube video that likely lots of you have seen by now of Miss Teen South Carolina answering a question about how dumb Americans are. Doodlebopsmom calls her “dumb as lettuce” while The Burgher calls her his future wife and I call her “what’s wrong with our education system.” Hey, if you like ’em hot and dumb as lettuce … and really hot …

Also, look at Mario Lopez’s face as she wraps her “answer” up. You know he’s thinking, “Wow! You’re hot and dumb as lettuce. I’d totally have sex with you.”

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