Monthly Archives: August 2007

What can I get for $20?

An email from sister of PittGirl (the Tina Fey one) who now lives in Texas:

I’ve been reading on the national news about the aunt in Donora, PA who “rented” two hookers for $80 for her 12-year-old nephew. (I’m assuming one only rents hookers or parts of hookers and is not actually able to buy a hooker.)

Are you embarrassed that Pittsburgh-area hookers are so cheap? Really, what the hell kind of hooker only charges $40? Of course, I’m assuming that each charged an equal amount, but I guess one could be a $20 hooker (who likely sucks…and not in a good way) and the other a $60 hooker.

Either way, I’d shoot myself if I had to have sex so cheaply. I bet that even here in the sticks our hookers get more than that. Maybe I don’t want to move to the Burgh after all…your workforce is way underpaid.

Told you she was witty.

Also? My faith in the human race took a little ding with this here story.

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Random n@.

1. Teacher. Wordsmith. Madman. went and took a big giant hammer and with one fell swoop, hit the nail on the head: PG NOW is practically the fraternal twin of The Onion! Awesome!

2. While you’re at the Onion, check this out because it is SO true! When is the last time you had french fries from BK that did NOT have an onion ring thrown in? Also awesome!

3. Man, and all this time, I thought it was engine noise! Best line:

But if you’re already feeling gassy when boarding the plane, Dr. Raymond said, “You’re just about doomed.”

(h/t Toni)

4. WTF?

Pittsburgh Animal Control officers discovered an alligator in a Downtown fountain Thursday morning. This is the fifth alligator found in Pittsburgh this year.

I’m going to just tell myself that these are people’s abandoned pets and not so much that alligators are migrating to the Burgh. We don’t need alligators in the Burgh, damn it! Unless they’re here to eat pigeons … or Steely McBeam. Then by all means … WELCOME! (h/t Joe M)

5. The Burgh slipped a little in Forbes rankings for the best cities for singles, as in we’re pretty much close to the worst city for singles. New this year, they picked the most eligible bachelor and bachelorette from each city. Pittsburgh’s winners?

The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross and Michele Fabrizi, 54-year-old executive at Marc/USA.

I guess it’s not helping our case much that we’re a hot happening city for singles when the most eligible people are Benny and this chick:

Read it here.

(h/t Jordan)

6. The day I eat a pigeon is the day that David Conrad asks me to. Gross. (h/t Spoon who met this lady at Podcamp Pittsburgh 2)

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When they tore down the Mickey D’s in North Huntingdon a while back, I first internally snarked because there in front of a big giant pile of rubble, for weeks and weeks, was a big painted sign at the entryway saying, “Sorry.  We’re closed.”

Thank God that sign was there, otherwise people would have climbed up the rubble pile, dug down to the front doors, and pushed on the pull door to try to get in and get their Big Macs.

Now that the new Mickey D’s is rebuilt and open, well holy heck it is MASSIVE.  Seriously.  You have to go see it.  This is because it is a museum to the Big Mac and its inventor, a Burgher dude who is still alive and working and who doesn’t make a single cent off of the Big Mac.

My points I wanted to make are this:

1.  This has become national news.

2.  Does anyone else remember back in the 80’s it probably was when McDonald’s had that promotion in which if you ordered a Big Mac or something, you got a record that you could play on your record player (!!) and it would play the “two all beef patties” song?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Zober?

Also?  Do any of you girls remember the hand slapping game in which we said, “Big Mac, Fillet o’ Fish, Quarter Pounder, french fries, icy Coke, thick shake, sundaes, and apple pie!”

(P.S. I am well aware from my Facebook and from emails that there are lots of you readers that weren’t even conceived yet in the 80’s and to you I’d like to say, “Get off my lawn!”)

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Random n@.

1. Is it wrong of me to be bothered by the fact that the male barista (baristo? baritone?) at my Starbucks regularly does the open-mouth, noisy, gum chewing while he is fixing my drink? It’s not so much the why can’t you just chew with your lips closed aspect of it as much as it is the what if a drop of spittle lands in my chai and negates its awesomeness?

2. You don’t even know the self-restraint it is taking me not to just lift these masterpieces of Troysus and his wife off of the Whirl Magazine site. Go. Gaze. Read. Sigh. Also? That photo of him as Samson and his wife as Delilah? Inspired.

3. Joe Hardy’s ex-wife is planning to write a book about her three-month marriage to the 84-year-old man. Any guesses on chapter titles? Other than reader Parking Chair’s inspired “Too much 84, not enough lumber.” Hell, that should be the BOOK title. (h/t Robert)
4. Bill Deasy, who I am just now becoming more familiar with, did a song and video for KDKA. You can watch the video here. Where’s Sonni and Jim?

5. This means health insurance is going to become more affordable right? Right? RIGHT?!?!

6. Sports Illustrated rates the best body parts in sports and The Chin’s chin/jaw is in there and so is Troysus’ ass. Maybe that picture is supposed to be for his hair? Screw it. It’s the ass. (h/t G.)

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Never doubt PittGirl.

Pounded by heavy trucks, weakened by missing bolts and strained by cracking steel, the failed Minneapolis freeway bridge also faced a more mundane enemy: birds.

The pigeons that made the bridge their home also used it as their toilet. Inspectors began documenting the buildup of pigeon dung on the Interstate 35W bridge two decades ago, a problem that persisted through the years.

Experts say the guano they deposited all over steel beams helped rust the bridge faster.

Huh? Huh?! HUH?!?!!?!?

That’s right, Burghers. The damn pigeons played a role in bringing down the bridge in Minnesota.

And you doubted me when I told you that they are doing Satan’s work. Let this be a lesson to you all that PittGirl speaks the gospel truth. Pigeons ARE evil and all must die. David Conrad IS the awesomest Burgher ever. Troysus IS practically Jesus. Jim Lokay DOES rock. Benny IS fug and gross.

Also? Next time I’m holding a pigeon-kicking and tasering gathering in Market Square and some naked PETA person shows up to tell me that pigeons have feelings and God, PittGirl your taser could kill a horse and this is SO animal cruelty? Man, am I FINALLY going to have a retort other than, “So’s your mother!”

(h/t to Bill, Viv, Joe, NoSide15212, Dee, and MountaineerHoo. Did I forget anyone?)

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