Monthly Archives: September 2007

Another husband.

Today, I parked at the Civic Arena (yes, that’s what it’s called.)

I noticed about a dozen people standing around one of the lot exits holding papers and jerseys and such.

Then just as I was about to step into the exit lane a black Porsche being driven by a Penguin whose face I couldn’t see, pulled to a stop next to me. The crowd descended on the car as the Penguin rolled down his window to oblige with autographs.

*It was at this point that I flung myself onto the hood of the car and screamed, “I LOVE YOU! WE ARE NOW MARRIED IN A SELF-UNITING CEREMONY!”*

Here’s hoping it was him, and not so much him or him.

Also? How do these people know when the players are at the arena and when they will be leaving the arena and by which exit they will be leaving?

From * to *, PittGirl is lying

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And self says, “I do.”

U.S. District Judge Joy Flowers Conti yesterday granted a temporary restraining order to Mary Jo Knelly and David Huggins-Daines, who plan to solemnize their marriage to each other tomorrow before family and friends but without an officiant present. The Allegheny County register of wills office will drop its attempt to deny licenses for self-uniting marriages.

You guys, keep it on the down low, because while self-uniting marriages are legal, polygamy might not be, but I’ve just this second married myself to David Conrad, Matt Lamanna, and Daniel Sepulveda in a self-uniting ceremony that took place in my head.

It went something like this:

PittGirl: Self, do you take David Conrad, Matt Lamanna, and Daniel Sepulveda to be your husbands?

Self: I. Do.

That was easy. I’m registered at Target now.

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Random n@.

1.  Like I need another way to die to worry about.  WTF?

2.   Finally!  Finally someone to discuss your “fascination with vintage vacuums.”  He says there must be hundreds of you in the city.  God, I hope not.

Also, doesn’t “Expert in vintage GM Frigidaire washers and dryers” sound like the “occupation” that would be listed under one of the geeks on Beauty and the Geek?

(h/t Matt H)

3.   Matt Lamanna was selected as one of PUMP and Pittsburgh Magazine’s 40 Under 40. (click on “2007 Press Release” on the left).   This is fine and all, but he had better be named one of the 25 hottest Burghers this year.  Are you listening to me, QED?!?  (h/t Woy!)

That lucky bitch Kelly Frey interviewed him.  Check it out.

4.  And ONCE AGAIN, Jeff Reed does his best to look as ridiculous as possible at all times.

Gotta love his persistence.

5.  What the heck is up with the airplane regularly circling downtown flying a giant banner behind it with a giant picture of the Geico caveman on it?

I see it every day … see …

… and I can’t shake this incredible desire to save 15% or more on my car insurance.

Is this air advertising going to be the new thing in the Burgh?  I hope not.  The rubberneckers have got enough to deal with.

I wonder if the smaller print on it says, “When you wreck your car trying to read this banner, you’ll really wish you had Geico Auto Insurance.”

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Yeah, that’ll happen.

Lukey and that guy that’s going to lose had a debate yesterday.

Luke was his usual super-mature self.

Actually, just from snippets written in the article, it appears that Lukey came off sounding pretty decent.

I’ll tell you this though.  That boy had better have uttered a few measly “move forwards” because I about had it with this self-restraint shit on his part.

He needs to do his job to make sure that the readers of the Burgh Blog are properly soused on a regular basis.


DeSantis said he wants to “reclaim Pittsburgh’s riverfronts,” perhaps by asking railroad companies with tracks along the rivers to move them elsewhere.

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PittGirl has decided.

Operators of Paul Brown Stadium want permission from the city to kill birds that have been pooping on Bengals fans.

Pigeon droppings have been falling on patrons and into their food and beverages.

He asked in his letter that stadium employees who are familiar with firearms be allowed to shoot birds a few days prior to an event.

This is a paradox. A dilemma. A quagmire. A complexity.

Because on one hand, I’m all, arm those dudes to the teeth and let them have at the pigeon population, and if you need some volunteers, I’m happy to show up with my taser.

But on the other hand, I’m all, they ARE pooping on Bengals fans and their food.

And what’s the harm in that, really?

The bird problem solved itself initially, with fan noise on game days driving the birds away, said Bob Bedinghaus, the Bengals’ director of development. But the birds apparently have adapted.

That’s because they’re evil geniuses that have figured out a lot of shit. They’ve figured out that 10 out of 10 humans will drive around them if they decide to sit in the middle of the road and peck lazily at a french fry.

They’ve figured out that the world if full of radical animal rights activists and naked PETA people that would NEVER allow government-sanctioned pigeon mass-murdering to occur.

I think it’s time we alter their reality.


Also? If I lived in Cincy (snicker), I would be in prison with all the Bengals:

The municipal code Sec. 701-15.

Injuring Birds.

No person shall kill, wound, maim or injure, in any manner whatever, any bird, or shall throw, fire or shoot with any gun, pistol or other deadly weapon, or any stone, arrow, or other missile, at such bird, or shall break, tear down, or destroy any bird’s nest or the eggs or other contents of such nests; nor shall any person catch or capture any bird in any manner whatever, or set traps, or spread nets or snares, with intent to catch or capture any bird, or follow or pursue any bird with intent to catch or injure such bird.

Been there and done all of that.

(h/t Sue and VanMeter)

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