PittGirl The Omniscient.

Last week, I read with concern this article about a girl in Butler County who reported that a man tried to kidnap her. She gave a super duper detailed description:

The suspect is described as white, in his late 40s or early 50s, with a thin build and long gray hair pulled back into a ponytail. She said he had brown teeth that possibly were in an advanced stage of decay.

The man was driving a dark blue, two-door car — possibly a 1993 Chevrolet Beretta GT — with rust and paint chips along the bottom rocker panel and either dark, or no, hubcaps.

I don’t know why, but when I read it, I immediately doubted her story.

Maybe because I’m a bitch. Maybe because I know that at 13, if I had been close enough to a kidnapper to see his teeth and still managed to escape, I’d be so frazzled that by the time the cops asked me what he looked like I’d be all, “He looked like a VIOLENT ASSHOLE and that’s all I remember!”

No WAY would I know that he was driving a two-door versus a four-door.

Turns out, I was right. She did make it up.

You should never doubt PittGirl.


  1. Judge Rufus Peckham
    September 10, 2007 5:04 pm

    I never doubt PittGirl. Scientific studies have shown that people — men, women and children — lie about every subject under the sun for all manner of reasons. There is nothing sacrosanct about a claim of abduction, or for that matter an accusation of any other crime, that renders the accuser incapable of telling a lie. Thank goodness that (apparently) no innocent man was arrested for this atrocity, or we might have had our own local version of the Duke lacrosse non-rape case. If you think this is a trifling matter, consider the case of the man who served 18 years in prison until my friend, attorney Scott Coffey, helped get him released because the DNA evidence proved he didn’t do it. http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06129/688526-85.stm This young woman needs to be held accountable for her lie.

  2. bucdaddy
    September 10, 2007 6:04 pm

    Like the Moonda case. The first time I heard that Donna Moonda expected us to believe there were armed thugs lurking along the Ohio Turnpike just waiting for rich doctors to pull off the road in the middle of nowhere so they could conveniently be shot to death, I thought, “Oh, please.” And we see how that turned out.

  3. NoSide15212
    September 10, 2007 7:06 pm

    True JRP, but for every one of these cases that turns out to be false, there are unfortunately all too many, like Twanda Brawley, that are indeed true in every last detail. Fortunately for her she had the skilled counsel and passionate advocacy of Community Leader Al Sharpton.

  4. Judge Rufus Peckham
    September 10, 2007 9:16 pm

    Exactly, NoSide15212. I share Al Sharpton’s approach to advocacy: the less he knows about the facts, the more zealous he is. If he knows nothing at all, he’s a real son of a bitch. In the Brawley case, for example, who are you going to believe, Sharpton or the Grand Jury’s 150+ page report that concluded the young lady fabricated the entire affair? Well, it depends on your agenda, doesn’t it? As for me, next time I want to hang a wickedly false sexual assault charge on some well-to-do white guy, I’m going to team Sharpton with that great legal scholar, Mike Nifong.

  5. Gunn Lino
    September 10, 2007 9:20 pm

    Dear Judge Peckham:

    Nicely done sir, you may advance to the head of the class.

  6. K
    September 10, 2007 11:14 pm

    So am I the only one that thinks the new PG Web site looks a little too much like The Onion’s?