A real bad case of the trots.

As you know, because you are informed people, the Presque Isle beaches up there in God-Forsaken Erie (that’s the official charter name, right?) closed like 60 times because of e-coli in the water.

That’s a a yucky yucky bacteria that is found in feces that will give you the serious bloody shits … not to be confused with Alli, which gives you the serious OILY shits.

So I read this PG headline:

Beach closings drop at Presque Isle this summer

and in my cute little head I’m saying, there must not be as much e-coli there!

Yeah, not so much.

Last summer, the park announced beach closings if the bacteria reached levels of 235 colonies per liter or more. This summer, swimmers with immune system or some other health problems were warned not to swim if the bacteria reached that level, but swimming was not banned unless the bacteria exceeded 999 colonies per liter.


Is anyone out there aware that this is EXACTLY like a beach in Australia saying,

Aussie #1: Well, we had to close the beach 100 times last year because of shark sightings, mate. The tourists aren’t going to be falling tits over arse to visit here if this keeps up.

Aussie #2: I’ve an idea. Next summer, let’s only warn the swimmers and close the beach if we see at least three sharks at a time. Then we’ll NEVER have to close the beach!

Aussie #1: Brill! Goodonya, mate!


  1. Woy
    September 14, 2007 11:37 am

    Ah, I miss my hometown and its beach reports.

    Some people have “air quality action days”, we have “beach shitstorm warnings.”

  2. BBM
    September 14, 2007 12:15 pm

    That is, by far, the best Aussie accent ever written by a Burgher.

  3. spoon
    September 14, 2007 12:43 pm

    PG, we call it “the Armpit hair of America”.

    Besides, Woy and I both know that you never SWIM in the lake, you just lay out in the sun looking at mullets and muffin tops.

  4. Pensgirl
    September 14, 2007 12:51 pm

    So what’s that “warning the sick people” sign look like?


    There’s e.coli in the water (again), but we don’t like the hit our reputation is taking by having to close the beach all the time. We’d much rather take a hit from people getting sick and possibly dying from e.coli. If you’re sick already, maybe you could stay outta the water, mmm’K? The rest of you: everything’s fine! Swim away!