Just asking for it.

I try not to be a witchy bitch, really I do, but you know what, if you don’t want your nits to be picked by PittGirl then you shouldn’t post the most pretentious wedding announcement ever in the PG. Huge giant tip of my cute little ballcap to Ms. Mon.

My thoughts:

The dog. For the love of God, THE DOG! I’ll bet you my Terrible Towel that the dog was the ring bearer.

The groom, 38, is the founder of Seventh Sense, an internationally renowned jewelry company whose clients include Bloomingdales, Macys, Lord and Taylor and Dillards.

Excuse me while I go get my giant umbrella to shield me from all the falling names that are being dropped.

Okay, I’m back.

The couple met four years ago after Mr. Lisiten attended a business seminar in Fiji at the Namale resort, owned by Tony Robbins, a mentor and friend of Ms Krupp’s.

Whoa! Did you see how I just jumped out of the way of that dropped name in the nick of time?! The last thing I need is to get some Tony Robbins on my clothes. That shit does NOT come out no matter how much you try to shout it out.

Krupp clients and friends included Catherine Crier, Jan Miller, power house literary agent and mentor, Jean Chatzky, Oprah’s Friend and Today Show contributor, Dr Connie Guttersen, author of the runaway bestseller The Sonoma Diet, Aleta St James, and Cristina Ferrare. Ushers included David Kirsch, trainer to the stars, and Phillip Bloch, stylist to the stars.

This is a full fledged storm now and I’m pretty sure in about half an hour we’re going to see Wendy Bell cutting to Stephen Cropper who is standing in front of a car brushing some names off the hood all, “As you can see, the names have REALLY started to come down now, Wendy.”

I’ll see yinz later. Gotta go to the Iggle for some milk and toilet paper.





18 Comments

  1. Rusty Rustbelt
    September 18, 2007 1:48 pm

    The best comedy in the world are the “Muffy marries Buffy” stories in the newspaper.

    I help lawyers value and divide assets in divorces, and so I get to see the results on the other end, after Buffy is banging the nanny and Muffy if boffing the pool boy.

    Really funny.

    Oh, and people who cannot ever leave their damned dogs at home are sick.



  2. Sandy
    September 18, 2007 2:22 pm

    There sure are a lot of typos for a fancy schmancy wedding announcement. PittGirl – use the [sic]. It’s a good friend to the witchy bitch.



  3. YinzerChick
    September 18, 2007 2:33 pm

    Jewelry designer? Gay.

    Going to a Tony Robbins seminar? Lame.



  4. Jen
    September 18, 2007 2:54 pm

    I totally agree with you. WHen I spotted this announcement this morning, no one was around to share my laughter with. I am glad someone shares my bitchiness.



  5. Woy
    September 18, 2007 3:27 pm

    Uh. Wow.

    10 bucks says she’s on the next season of Bridezillas.



  6. chrys
    September 18, 2007 3:41 pm

    Does anyone really think people give a shit about their weddings?? NEWS FLASH!! NO!



  7. DW
    September 18, 2007 4:03 pm

    anyone needing to drop that much info is desperately insecure…and the dog only hangs w/ the Scaife hound and Paris’ Tinkerbell.



  8. danopsu
    September 18, 2007 4:13 pm

    Your comments were hilarious PG!



  9. Aeran
    September 18, 2007 4:19 pm

    looks to me like they applied to get their announcement in the NYT and were denied, so they had to settle for the PG, where things like this just aren’t printed.



  10. north sider
    September 18, 2007 4:51 pm

    His sister had to be the best man and the maid-of-honor. Looks like they don’t have many close friends to choose from.



  11. Big John
    September 18, 2007 5:38 pm

    It was probably written by a PR firm one of their companies uses.

    Of course, I wonder which one of the dogs he likes more. . . I couldn’t resist.



  12. Bram R
    September 18, 2007 5:44 pm

    Oprah’s Friend? That’s something we have to capitalize now?

    It’s funny ’cause you can tell they can barely stand each other.



  13. pittgirl
    September 18, 2007 5:45 pm

    Bram, HAH!



  14. lynn
    September 18, 2007 6:27 pm

    Hilarious. I would love to see more of these NYT style announcements in the P-G.



  15. Gunn Lino
    September 18, 2007 6:48 pm

    Who are these people ? and does anybody really give a rats ass who was a guest or where ? Pardon me I have to go scratch.



  16. Burghthing
    September 18, 2007 7:05 pm

    I am deeply ashamed that I don’t recognize any of those names in that announcement (well except for oprah). Does that make me a bad person?



  17. Goob
    September 18, 2007 10:14 pm

    They might be making it all up.

    He might actually be a ex-tug captain, fired for a pathological addition to kimchee and European beer. He now may make his living smuggling grey-market bacon-brie pierogies to Cincinnati, where they have another name for them, and eat them with hot sauce. He rides the rivers for weeks, pretending to be lost.

    She might be a silent nightclub impresario, tending to businesses she quietly hates. She keeps herself to a small office in the back of a building, far away from the thump and sweat. When he is on the river, she comes home and makes a cup of tea to take alone, in the living room, as the day draws down.

    The dog…well. The dog has secrets.

    I could be wrong, of course. The one I’m waiting for is the happy couple who have their picture taken with a pigeon.



  18. Sickpuppy
    September 19, 2007 5:12 am

    Thanks for giving me a laugh on the dreaded midnight shift! I needed that!