APB on some RPBCs.

I realize that stealing = bad and wrong and I totally plan to bring back that Sharpie I took home.

But do the State Police really need to be involved in what clearly appears to be a staff member taking peanut butter cups to the tune of 15 whole dollars?!!?

If you see someone consuming an unusual number of peanut butter cups, call state police at 814-226-1710.

How would that go?

Rotary Phone: Ring ring! Ring ring! Answer me, damn it!

State police officer: State police, can I help you?

Loser: Yeah, um, I’m sitting here on a bench in North Park and there’s this like dude standing under a tree eating like three peanut butter cups in one sitting. I heard you put an APB out on some peanut butter cups?


  1. chrys
    September 20, 2007 11:11 am

    our tax dollars at work

  2. Woy
    September 20, 2007 11:17 am

    I love how it says “exactly” 23 cups instead of “approximately”.

    They are all over it.

  3. Woy
    September 20, 2007 11:18 am

    Oh, and I’ll guarantee you they’re all up saying “Reesee” up there too.

  4. BBM
    September 20, 2007 11:46 am

    Um, why does a daycare have that much chocolate laying around? Small Children + Chocolate = Asking for trouble.

  5. DW
    September 20, 2007 12:00 pm

    coppers better nab the culprit(s) before Halloween, otherwise 90% of us will be suspects…

  6. Johnny
    September 20, 2007 12:14 pm

    I was sitting in my office, smoking my Licky Strikes, watching the rain come down and wondering how bad cat food would taste, when the door slowly and catiously opened.

    In walked a 3 foot tall blonde girl. Were those tears on her face of just teh rain? I said, “come in kid. close the door.”

    She looked at me, faltering at first, then in dispair she said, “all my candy is gone and I need you to find the bastard that took it.”

    This kid was for real, and was my next meal ticket. I told her I was the man for the job, but it would cost her.

    She said she coudl pay and tossed a bag of chocolate coins on the desk. She said, that was the deposit, the rest comes when the case is solved.

    I swept the chocolate coins into my desk, grabbed my hat and checked that my licorice pistol was in my pocket. I poped another candy cigarette into my mouth and went out to review the crime scene.

    23 peanut butter cups and just 1 Kit-Kat. What did it mean? The cops were all looking for someone stuffing their pie hole with cups, but I knew better. The Kit-Kat is the key.

    The taking of the Peanut Butter cups was just a distraction, a ruse, a red herring to throw the cops off the trail. I knew better, the disappearane of the Kit-Kat was the key. You find that Kit-Kat, you solve this one, collect your coins and make that kid happy.

  7. pittgirl
    September 20, 2007 12:16 pm

    Best comment ever? BEST COMMENT EVER!!

  8. Pensgirl
    September 20, 2007 12:18 pm

    This is just begging for a “48 Hours” exposé. We need these candy predators outed right quick!

  9. Susan
    September 20, 2007 1:04 pm

    Johnny is .. Nick Danger, Third Eye!
    Firesign Theatre remembered!

    yes PittGirl – best post ever!

  10. NY Luvs Pitts
    September 20, 2007 1:21 pm

    Love it Johnny, love it.

  11. DW
    September 20, 2007 1:32 pm

    Sweet post, Johnny!

  12. Bill
    September 20, 2007 1:58 pm

    Johnny, more!! more!! waiting for Chapter 2…

  13. plexxer
    September 20, 2007 3:11 pm

    Bravo, Johnny. *slow claps (non-patronizing)*

  14. TC
    September 20, 2007 4:07 pm

    We could get more kids off of the “candy” if it weren’t for the damned NIMBYs who keep blocking new Splenda clinics.