Monthly Archives: October 2007

What’s a bog?

I got an email from PG writer Mackenzie Carpenter who wrote the female bloggers article:

Hi, “Jane Pitt,” thanks again for submitting to my questions … John McIntire called me to try to find out who you were and I said I didn’t know, you wouldn’t talk to me.

I suspect, though, that many of our readers still don’t quite understand what a blog is. I had one irritated old gentleman call and leave a message asking me, “what’s a bog? I don’t know what a bog is. You need to have explained that in your article.”

John McIntire is STILL trying to figure out who I am?

I already told him. I’m an anonymous blogger and I’d really really really like to stay that way.

If you go see him drop some funny at The Improv tomorrow, tell him PittGirl sent you and she said to let it go.





Frick!

What the frickity frick frick?

Casu marzu is a cheese found in Sardinia, Italy, notable for being riddled with live insect larvae. Casu marzu means “rotten cheese” in Sardinian and is known colloquially as maggot cheese.

Casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese’s fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 mm (1/3 inch) long. When disturbed, the larvae can jump for distances up to 15 cm (6 inches), prompting recommendations of eye protection for those eating the cheese. Some people clear the larvae from the cheese before consuming; others do not.

Today is hereby officially the first “Gross Out Day” on The Burgh Blog.

We’ve got skanky tattooed 50-year-olds looking for a nice clean gang bang but ONLY IF YOU BRING THE CONDOMS!

We’ve got gross, fat, old billionaires hooking up with 22-year old hotties. And now?

Maggot-riddled cheese that requires you to don protective gear in order to eat it.

I’d rather personally inject a brain-eating amoeba into my ear, thanks very much.

In honor of “Gross Out Day” I fully expect to be emailed a picture of Jeff Reed’s privates at any moment. I’ll keep you posted.

(h/t Stasia)

P.S. Do not. I mean DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES do a Google Images search for “maggots” unless you want this to become “Projectile Vomit Day” here at The Burgh Blog.

You went and did it anyway, didn’t you?  God.





[gag]

Today is Halloween. Today is NOT April Fools Day. So trust me when I tell you that this shit is for reals.

Apparently 23-year-olds are too mature for 84-year-old Joe Hardy, because that fat old ugly geezer went and found himself a TWENTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE WHO IS WILLING TO SLEEP WITH HIS FAT OLD GEEZER WHEEZING SELF.

Now, he’s being romantically linked to 22-year-old Danielle Golden, of Dunbar, whose relatives said she is smitten with Hardy.

OMG. I thought when he and Kristin Georgie broke up that I could finally purge my “Ew. These will make you gag.” file of the mental image of Joe Hardy popping a handful of Viagra and getting it on with a girl sixty years his junior. But no. He had to go find another one and look, the file is open and I am gagging.

Also “smitten”? SMITTEN? You get smitten with a kitten or smitten with the boy next door or smitten with any one of my self-united husbands. You do NOT get smitten with a fat old geezer wheezing 84-year-old billionaire. It defies the laws of the universe.

You CAN however get smitten with billions of dollars.

Her name on MySpace is Dannii Marie aka “Da Dirty D.”

That’s classy.

Anyway, her current mood is “exhausted” but not exhausted with a sleeping smiley like “Wow, I just pulled an all nighter studying for finals!”, but exhausted with a smiley with x-ed out eyes and a tongue wagging.  As in physically exhausted from doing “da dirty deed” with a FAT OLD GEEZER.

Joe Hardy is a pimp.

Finally, I’m fully aware that most 84-year-old single billionaires would do EXACTLY what Joe is doing.  I am not however aware of how these girls are able to do this without daily bathing in bleach.





Random n@.

1. The PG scored an interview with the elusive other PG. This is me. This is my giant ego.

There’s also an article that goes with it that mentions the kickass lady bloggers of the Burgh who more often than not kick PittGirl’s ass with their awesomeness.

2. The baristo (tm me) royally mucked up my latte this morning. This is no bueno. Now I still need a pumpkin fix.

3. The Steelers released Ricardo Colclough. Thank God, because I never learned how to pronounce his stupid name. Good riddance, Butterfingers! (h/t ex Pat)

4. This Craigslist ad ain’t very safe for work because in addition to very specific requests for a gangbang, the picture that goes with it shows a gross boob hanging out.

If that lady is really in her “thirties,” my giant ego just ballooned to celestial proportions because, yo, I don’t look like that yet.

Sunscreen is your friend.

Also? She can’t afford the condoms or something?!?! WTF?

(h/t Joey)

5. Allison from FedEx wants you to go vote for Willie Parker for the Player of the Week.

There’s a couple of reasons you should do this.

  • ANYBODY BUT TOM BRADY, PLEASE?!?!
  • Allison is cool. She wrote:

P.S. I had an event last week with your future self-united husband Daniel Sepulveda. Our future wedding is off since he called me ma’am!

You know how PittGirl feels about chivalry and manners.  In fact, just last week in the parking garage a nice man in his fifties tipped his ball cap to me and I so wanted to hug him for it.  When, ladies, is the last time a guy tipped his hat to you?   I’m all for bringing that practice back.

6.  I won this week’s fantasy football match-up by like .4 points.  Holla!  Of course next week I’m playing against Tom Brady.  Here’s hoping he goes crotch rocket riding sans helmet right into a Pittsburgh-lefty sometime this week.  Yeah, I went there.





It’s a blob!

So I got an email from WPXI telling me that I would be very interested to know that Bigfoot lives in Pennsylvania.

And they have proof.

See?

Yeah. Me either.

I’d have gone with any of the following:

  • A blob.
  • A Rorschach test to which I would respond, “A blob!”
  • A succubus
  • The chupacabra
  • The disease that lives in Jeff Reed’s pants

I love that WPXI has this on their front page entitled “Bigfoot images captured by hunter” instead of “Purported” or “Alleged” or “Possible” or “Grainy” images.

Jacob said that after a week of trying to decipher the image, he contacted the Bigfoot Research Organization.

Researchers said they believe the images are of a young Bigfoot — or juvenile Sasquatch.

Awesome!

(h/t also to Arika)