Dear Lukey,


Not really.  I just like starting letters with WTF so that you’ll be looking around all, “What WTF?!?”

But now that I have your attention, let’s chat.

First, loving the new hair and you were wise to grow it out.  The mysteriously appearing and disappearing bald spot seems to have disappeared.  You haven’t been using this shit have you?

Secondly, about this:

“I understand I’m being held to a higher standard but at the same time I’m going to continue to be who I am, because that’s the only way I know to be,” he said. “Have I learned? Absolutely. Will I carefully consider decisions that I make? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I’m still going to continue to be who I’m going to be, and go to concerts like I always have, and go to have a drink with my wife in bars. That’s what 27-year-olds do and I shouldn’t be any different.”

You know what?  I do want you to be who you are, but here’s some things to keep in mind:

1.  In addition to being 27 years old, you are also the mayor of a major metropolitan area.  Automatically that means that you are NOT a normal 27-year-old any more than Angelina Jolie is a normal 32-year-old.  She’s not.  She’s a smoking hot mother of four.  Being mayor does actually mean that you need to change who you are a little bit.  Accept it and do it, or you’ll not be mayor for long.
2.  It’s absolutely cool for you and Erin to hit the town and enjoy the life you’ve been given.  Just maybe do it by having tapas and a bottle of wine at Ibiza on the South Side and not so much rolling up to Diesel in a federally-funded black Yukon, then burstin through the doors with your posse in tow and your tie around your head, making the “raise the roof” gesture all, “Yo, yo!  Hizzoner Master Lukey movin’ fo-ward in da house!  Can I get a Zima, yo!?”

3.  Do go to the concerts (it appears we both have a love for country music), but drive your own car, make your friends take their own cars, and for the love of God, don’t bring a frickin’ proclamation with you.

4.  Be fully aware that Rich Lord is sitting by his phone every day like this:

Rich Lord (staring at phone):  Ring.  Ring.  RING!  Ring, DAMN IT!

Phone:  RING!

Rich Lord:  Lord!

Caller whose name rhymes with Pill Schmeduto:  Yeah, this is Joe.  I just wanted to let you know that the Mayor just exited the men’s room and did NOT WASH HIS HANDS!

Rich Lord:  Yes!  Stop the presses, bitches!

5.  ALWAYS wash your hands.

6.  Show up.

7.  Leave the Steelers alone.  That novelty needs to wear off … now.

8.  Do kick pigeons at every chance.  This will endear you to lots of Burghers.  Mostly me.

9.   Stop personally loading the “Luke is a stupid kid” cannon of Mark DeSantis with media-seeking missiles.  Because every single day, Mark DeSantis is looking more and more attractive to voters.

10.  Delete the MySpace, facebook, and blog of every single staff member.  They are going to bite you in the ass.  Hard.

11.  Keep doing jump shots.  They crack my shit up, even if they are “Luke is a stupid kid” cannon missiles.

11.  Do say “move forward” on a regular basis so that I can have a legit reason for getting trashed at seven thirty in the morning.  Otherwise, it just looks like I have a drinking problem.

By the way, have you met my friend … mojito?




  1. plexxer
    October 4, 2007 9:06 am

    12. Be the bigger man, and by bigger, I mean grown-up. The only thing you could have done worse was to let him stay, then when he spoke, ask him to ‘Respectively direct all comments to my public relations liaison’ and then put up your hand.

  2. Moe the Dog
    October 4, 2007 9:08 am

    ‘I didn’t know’, ‘I didn’t mean too’ and ‘I’m just a kid’ are the responses I get out of my 3 year old son when he does something wrong. These are not acceptable for the 27 year old mayor of Pittsburgh.

    Will enough people wake up and rid this kid of his grown up duties. If he actually has any.

  3. pittgirl
    October 4, 2007 9:11 am

    Dear readers,

    Yes I’m aware that there is a hard return missing between #1 and #2.

    And that I have two number 11s. My wordpress is being a bitch today and won’t let me edit this post.

    And those two errors are bothering me to no end.



  4. Doug
    October 4, 2007 9:19 am

    You hit all the points, PG. It’s sad to watch the self-destruction. It’s looking more and more like this will be the two-year footnote in ‘Burgh history when we had a “Kid in the Candy Store Mayor” who was too star struck by all the perks to ever take the job seriously. The other youngster about town, Ben, recovered from his poor judgment in sans-helmet biking, so maybe Lukey can too. The difference is Lukey’s opponents are omnipresent and don’t just roll into town on Sundays for a few hours.

  5. plexxer
    October 4, 2007 9:24 am

    Doug: Good thinking, but do you think Homeland Security has any Harleys in their fleet?

  6. joey
    October 4, 2007 9:24 am

    I had such high hopes for Mayor Lukey and his Smoking Hot Mayor Wife.

    But he is really showing himself to be a complete douchebag.

  7. doug
    October 4, 2007 9:30 am

    Lukey on a Harley? Seems very dangerous. But I bet a 27-year-old mayor of a semi-major city could find someone to install the necessary training wheels.

  8. LanceManion
    October 4, 2007 9:54 am

    Memo to Luke and Yarone

    Rich Lord hates you. Get over it. He’s the one turning on the applause sign when you do something stupid. Stop making it so easy on him. Focus on making the city a better place – their will be other concerts.

    Memo to Rich Lord

    Good job, though it hasn’t been too hard lately. You can only play the cards you’ve been dealt and those have been good.

    Where is the story about how a 27 year old mayor, who was no one’s first choice to begin with, who has no real experience for the job, who hasn’t done much for the city (except get a new building for the Penguins)and who is constantly showing up on the front page for his questionable judgement and machiavellian tactics gets to run unopposed. Oh yeah, I forgot, it s Democratic town and you want to have a job next week.

    OK, nuff said, keep up the good work.


  9. Chad
    October 4, 2007 10:00 am

    Amen, Moe the Dog. A-freaking-men.

  10. Chad
    October 4, 2007 10:07 am

    Oh, and Lance: Ravenstahl had nothing to do with getting that arena for the Penguins. That was Big Ed shooting and scoring, with a nice assist from Little Dan.

    From the beginning of the process until the end of that final press conference, when Luke sat on stage at the Heinz History Center looking like a kid who couldn’t wait for those darned grown-ups to stop talking so maybe they could take him for ice cream, he was a political and intellectual scratch, never once getting in the game but now eager to tell everyone he was on the winning team.

  11. bucdaddy
    October 4, 2007 10:08 am

    1. PittGirl >>>>>>>>>>>smokin’>>>>>>>>>>>> Angelina Jolie.

    I used to think Brad Pitt was a moron for dumping Jennifer. Now I pity him. Take note in most photos you see of him with AJ, he has that 1,000-yard stare … Poor bastard. He should be proof to the rest of us guys that while it may seem like fun to be married to a succubus if you’re not, the reality is far far different.

  12. TC
    October 4, 2007 10:11 am

    I propose that Luke create a new city department. It will be the “Department of Mayor Wrangling” and after an extensive nationwide search, I have nominated myself for the position of Director.

    Basically I will follow Luke around all day waiting for him to say more stupid s*** in front of the press, and will immediately lean over and whisper “shut the f*** up” into his ear. I will also need an Assistant Director in charge of “Sorry, that’s not on your schedule” and an intern to take the fall for those indiscretions that slip past my office. (Hey, we’re city goverment, we can’t be expected to work every day!)

  13. Ed Heath
    October 4, 2007 10:17 am

    Remember the story about the Mayor’s security detail?
    I figure, unless they get paid extra just to be around the Mayor, they *each* have to work an extra twenty five hours a week, to double their salaries. And they each work an eight hour shift…

    I would love to hear where they stand now, in their race to top a hundred grand in salary. I wonder if they are going to retire after this year, worn out trying to keep up with the 27 year old Mayor and his good times.

  14. Biff Campahoon
    October 4, 2007 10:31 am

    I am your neighbor Luke,(and a Republican).
    I REALY want to vote for you. Help me out man.

  15. chrys
    October 4, 2007 10:53 am

    I was really looking “forward” to Lukey being mayor.. now I really think it was a mistake. He may think he’s “entitled” and doesn’t need to apologize, but isn’t that what we do when we are adults? Admit our mistakes and learn from them? He’s still a child. Grow up Master Lukey.. put you big boy pants on and be an accountable adult!

  16. Pensgirl
    October 4, 2007 10:55 am

    Dear PittGirl,

    HOLLA. You rock!


    Every ‘Burgher With A Brain

  17. Bram R
    October 4, 2007 11:05 am

    Don’t listen to her, Luke-dog. She’s in league with Peduto and DeSantis and the Trib and the PG and KDKA. You keep doing to the do.

  18. The Bag of Health and Politics
    October 4, 2007 11:41 am

    Luke is a really bad Mayor. He’s far worse than Murphy, who in early 2006 was assumed to be the worst-Mayor-ever. Period.

    There’s no way DeSantis could be this bad.

  19. Doug
    October 4, 2007 11:54 am

    Yeah Lukey….YIHNZ your way right out of the best job you’ll ever have and be a complete Has-Been at 30!!! Imagine the IC Light beer belly you can grow with 50+ years to wallow in the Glory Days. Maybe at like 55 or 60 (still 30 years off), you can become the “EX-pert Political Analyst” at one of the stellar local TV stations …. but more likely be the host of the COMCAST (or whatever cable company owns the market then)NewsMakers segments!!

  20. marco
    October 4, 2007 12:00 pm

    tsk tsk tsk … he’s becoming more and more like Britney Spears everyday. Now we just need a “leave Lukey ALONE!” video.

  21. PicaU
    October 4, 2007 1:39 pm

    Anyone notice the door hangers his campaign is passing out lately? “I Like Luke”? WTF? How about an original idea? Sounds vaguely familiar…hmmmm…somewhere back in history class…uh, it’s coming to me…oh yea, “I Like Ike”

  22. bucdaddy
    October 4, 2007 2:21 pm

    Dear ‘Lish,

    If you’re reading this, how do you like your new job so far? But I know you’ve been through tougher times than this.

    Hang in there.



  23. Zsa
    October 4, 2007 2:38 pm

    I’m not as offended at his personal use of an official vehicle as I am at the fact that he went to a Toby Keith concert. Yuck!

  24. Ms. Caroline
    October 4, 2007 3:54 pm

    Two – fisted wanker.

  25. Steve
    October 4, 2007 5:11 pm

    I think what gets me the most is the disrespect for the increadible opportunity that he has been given. I am not talking about VIP passes and charity events. I am talking about the chance to lead a region that is turning the corner economically and politically for years to come.

    He seems like he has lost his focus and that is a real tragedy. I think that I would vote for a focused Lukey, but not for a party boy Lukey.

  26. avisualtinkle
    October 4, 2007 5:47 pm

    Luke’s a tool. And not even a very useful one like a swiss army knife. He’s more like a very dull spade.

  27. Rich Lord
    October 4, 2007 8:00 pm

    Hey folks,
    Just to be clear, I don’t even dislike Luke or Yarone, and never wait around for Peduto calls. That said, I’m honored to be mentioned on Burgh Blog.
    – Rich Lord

  28. Edward R. Murrow
    October 4, 2007 8:05 pm

    Yeah, but I think Luke’s a toolbox.

  29. Walter Cronkite
    October 4, 2007 9:05 pm

    This just in from Dallas:

    Luke shot Kennedy behind dat Grassee Knowl.

    Sumbuddy bedder redd that thing up so youz can see peeple.

  30. Paul D
    October 4, 2007 11:07 pm

    He’s right. The young lad SHOULD be out in the bars with his wife – every night for that matter. But our mayor ? No.

  31. Dano
    October 5, 2007 8:37 am

    Luke may be everything thats posted here but I bet you dollars to donuts (whatever THAT mean) he gets re-elected this November…unfortunately

  32. Lance Manion
    October 5, 2007 9:45 am

    Rich Lord

    OK – Maybe you don’t hate them. That was hyperbole to get their attention.
    You’re still the one who turns on the applause sign when they do something stupid. That’s your job and you’ve been doing it well. Keep it up.

    But where is the expose of how Luke gets to run unopposed? Peduto and DeSantis are saying “I can’t believe I am losing to this guy”. There is more there than has been reported.


  33. Richmond K. Turner
    October 5, 2007 10:27 am

    Rich: You have finally achieved the pinnacle of honor in Pittsburgh, and have been mentioned in The Burgh Blog. You rock! Now go kick a pigeon… you’ve earned it!