… And I’m proud to be an asshole.

Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus is coming to the Civic Arena in January, and parents all over the Burgh are pissed as all get out because the tickets sold out like one minute after they went on sale.

A Pittsburgh firm that sells some very sketchy software is being implicated because they appear to have enabled scalpers to use possibly a “bot” to purchase huge chunks of the tickets, leaving regular parents with normal incomes with no choice but to head to the secondary market where tickets are selling for ridiculous amounts of money.

I tell you this not so much because I care all that much. I tell you this because I found an asshole living in the Burgh and if you see him, I’d like you to let him know how much of a loser he is.

Some parents have posted plaintive messages on craigslist.com, an online classified ads service, saying they want tickets but can’t afford scalpers’ prices.

Brian Lanz , 35, of Crafton has no sympathy. In response to parents’ complaints, Lanz posted several mocking messages.

“You shouldnt (sic) have promised your kids something you couldnt (sic) afford nor obtain,” he wrote in one post. “You’re crying because you put your foot in your mouth. Now, your kids think YOUR (sic) the LIAR! LOL!”

Lanz, a researcher at a local university, said he is intrigued by RMG’s software but did not use it to buy the tickets. Instead, he stood in line at Mellon Arena with three friends and came away with 16 tickets, he said.

His wife will bring his two daughters to the show, and Lanz will sell the rest. He expects to pocket several thousand dollars.

“This Hannah Montana concert is one of the biggest concerts to come along in years,” he said. “It’s crazy. I wish I could get my hands on more.”

Wow, Mr. Lanz (http://www.myspace.com/steelerfan15212)!

Let me pause my typing for a moment to give you one of my deliberate slow claps.

Congratulations!

I hope you are proud of the fact that you got tickets, proud of the fact that you’re teaching your children some very shitty lessons about being a decent human being, and proud of the fact that you sir are a giant, bragging, asshole who should have just taken his 16 tickets and slinked away like the slimy sucky ball of slime you are, NOT headed to Craigslist to taunt your unlucky fellow child rearers then proudly boasted about it to the Trib.

Bite me, Brian Lanz.

You’re the next Annoying Burgher. Your crown is in the mail, and by crown I mean a bloody, praying mantis-impaled hummingbird.





41 Comments

  1. Darwin Police
    October 10, 2007 12:56 pm

    Hey, Lanz is denying parents the opportunity to take their mewling brats to a merchandise-sodden, pop-culture-addiction-inducing crapfest. Hell, he’s probably doing the city a favor.



  2. lynne
    October 10, 2007 1:19 pm

    Apparently his research is not in the field of grammar or spelling. What an ass.



  3. Susanne
    October 10, 2007 1:33 pm

    Dar.. like you didnt want to see want to see the Ice Capades or whatever show was hot in your era?
    I blame the venue all the way up to the artist to put a stop to this. Its been done. Prince wont have this sort of nonsense. He sells tickets 2 a piece and you must show the credit card and i.d of which you used to order with. Done.



  4. aj
    October 10, 2007 1:54 pm

    If parents where not so desperate for these tickets there would be no demand to drive up the prices. I never saw NKOTB when I was little and I managed to survive my childhood. Can’t always get what you want, and I certainly wouldn’t be buying my child overpriced scalped concert tickets. I hope he gets stuck with all 16 tickets.



  5. Zsa
    October 10, 2007 2:04 pm

    Susanne, I agree. Every artist should go the way of Prince. It’s just another thing that shows how smart he is.

    This scalper is an unmitigated asshole, but so are the parents who give their kids every single thing they want. Then again, when I was that age, my dream ticket would have been to a taping of Match Game, so maybe I’m not the best barometer.



  6. YinzerChick
    October 10, 2007 2:37 pm

    We took our son to the Weird Al concert at the Byham this summer. I hate to say this, but Weird Al BRINGS IT. The show rocked. My son loved it too.

    I’m glad I don’t have a girl and can ignore the Hanna Montana shiz.



  7. sherry
    October 10, 2007 2:50 pm

    he is beneath contempt.



  8. NoSide15212
    October 10, 2007 3:37 pm

    Figures some yinzer jerkwater asshole would pipe off like that. I’d love to see him get his bloated ass rolled in the parking lot by a gang/swarm of pissed off 3rd grade girls.



  9. pittgirl
    October 10, 2007 3:39 pm

    HAH!



  10. Matt H
    October 10, 2007 3:39 pm

    What an ass he is.



  11. Pensgirl
    October 10, 2007 4:51 pm

    Instead of the “crown,” can we just send a giant praying mantis that will treat him like a hummingbird?



  12. oh. my. gawd
    October 10, 2007 5:08 pm

    SteelerFan15212? Hmm…

    There’s a Brian Lanz listed on Whitepages.com, look at the zip code. I wonder if that’s a concidence? Must be.

    Lanz, Brian
    [undisclosed] Ocala St
    Pittsburgh, PA 15212



  13. ItsMe
    October 10, 2007 7:36 pm

    We can all only hope that this asshole gets stuck with all these tickets and ends up eating them.

    Now I’d pay to see a bunch of rowdy 3rd grader girls beat the living crap out of him as well. Let’s sell tickets to that.



  14. Trish
    October 10, 2007 7:39 pm

    Yes, the guy is an asshole. But so are the parents willing to pay thousands of dollars to see Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter lip-sync because they fear little Madisyn’s self-esteem will go in the toilet if her friends go and she doesn’t.

    PS–A few years ago I was suckered into taking my nieces to see NSYNC at RFK Stadium in DC. I have seen and heard hell, and it is sixty thousand shrieking prepubescent girls surrounding you. And you can’t do any sort of mind-numbing substance because you’re driving. It’s been seven years and I still have nightmares about it. Just so you wanna-be Hannah Montana concertgoers know what you’re in for.



  15. Still A. Fan
    October 10, 2007 7:45 pm

    i agree with the prince theory of ticket selling. i like to go to concerts. i just saw van halen. i also got my 8 year old daughter and friends 4 tickets to see Hannah Montana in AC. how? i paid $29.95 to join the fan club which had a presale 4 days before they went on sale to the public. I think close to 50% of the tickets were up for grabs. I had 6 browsers open and was flipping between them all trying to connect at 9:59 AM….plus, I took a half-day off to focus on getting them. I succeeded. Many did not. My wife loves Alanis and we saw her at The Electric Factory while she was gearing up for her 2nd US tour. She did several smaller places first. She had the voucher deal going on…you get 2 vouchers with your name on them. On the night of the concert, you get past checkpoint 1 with your voucher and photo ID. Then you get your tickets and you can’t leave checkpoint one. Thing is, what if you have a group of 8 that want to go together? For Hannah Montana they tried to only sell tickets to AC if you lived in Jersey, PA or Delaware – otherwise it cancelled you out of the online form. That isn’t really fair though to the dad in NY who couldnt get them there and was willing to drive to AC. The photo ID is the only way to go. Either that – or auction off every ticket in the house like Comcast/Wachovia is doing with floor seats in the first 2 sections to most concerts. Pretty soon I won’t be able to go see anything. i paid $80 to see van Halen and that was face value without tax or fees! Rock on you balding, schticky, vegas acting muther hubbard! You’re still my hero!



  16. Traffic Guy 1.0
    October 10, 2007 10:22 pm

    Hey PG, why not start a “Throw Under A Bus” award…and here’s out first candidate! It’s not about who’s in concert, but the unscrupulous way these flamers bought the tickets & are raping innocent parents of their money. Brian, I wish nothing bad toward your wife or kids but I wouldn’t stand too close to a curb if I were yinz.



  17. NoSide15212
    October 11, 2007 12:58 am

    The kids have nothing to do with scalpers using automated computer programs to buy up ticket blocks on behalf of unsrcupulous brokers. And the number of parents “willing” to pay thousands of dollars in Pittsburgh is next to non existent. Regardless of what adults think about the music or performance, the kids like Hanna Montana and that is what this is about; the show and the music are clean, and the kids just want to see her perform live. Adults who manipulate the purchasing process and aging dope-smoking hippy fuck-up parents who don’t like the music are just full of shit, ruining the good time of the kids. Seriously. Do you think a 4th grader wants to jam out to your lame-ass, aging rocker Van Halen show? Trish, put the bong down and try to view this in THEIR perspective.



  18. steeler_tom
    October 11, 2007 1:33 am

    Hannah Montana tix = Steeler Tix
    It’s all tha same. If you want em’ bad enough, you’ll get em’ The old adage what ever the pubic is willing to bear…… Not that I condone those actions in any way, But if you have to have em’ then there will always be some putz somewhere wanting to make more than a buck.
    I got Tix for the Cards game Face value, $60. What I paid? $227 each (I bought two) Not proud of it, But I did have the time of my life……. I’m not defending that A-hole at all, I hope he gets hit by a truck or something….. He’s pathetic….



  19. Funky Dung
    October 11, 2007 9:49 am

    “Yes, the guy is an asshole. But so are the parents willing to pay thousands of dollars to see Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter lip-sync because they fear little Madisyn’s self-esteem will go in the toilet if her friends go and she doesn’t.”

    Amen to that.



  20. Chuck
    October 11, 2007 10:19 am

    I know I’m bucking the trend here but I think that guy is one smart cookie. He worked for the tickets by standing in line, using his own time, and now will reap the benifits of his efforts.
    Sounds like the free market economy to me.
    BTW, I have a 12yo daughter who wants to go real bad. My wife and her tried several places to get tickets but to no avail. She understands that sometimes you can’t get everything she wants.



  21. bucdaddy
    October 11, 2007 10:42 am

    Madisyn

    Heh.



  22. oh. my. gawd
    October 11, 2007 11:33 am

    The free market economy has already determined a fair price, based on the number of tickets available, the popularity of the artist and how much the venue needs to clear to pay the artist, the employees and the rent.

    These assholes come along and create an artificial shortage to drive up prices to ridiculous levels, and pocket the profits with little to no actual effort. They were ready to lynch gas station owners for doing it last year, only difference is it’s a want vs. a need.

    I remember back in the day, you could actually walk up to a ticket window and buy a ticket for something, and be reasonably sure you’d get a decent seat. I haven’t seen a show from closer than 1/2 mile away for years, and that’s with hitting the web at 9:59 and hammering away. WTF?



  23. Jen
    October 11, 2007 1:33 pm

    This software would totally explain how one scalper in Denver was caught with 58 NLCS tickets on person who tried selling to an undercover at triple the face value. Totally unfair to the fans!!!! Bite me ticket brokers!



  24. Trish
    October 11, 2007 6:24 pm

    Noside–first off, don’t smoke. Secondly, although Hannah Montana’s content is relatively harmless the marketing is RELENTLESS. And when you have yuppie parents trying to compete with each other (oh yes, parenting is most definitely a competitive sport these days amongst the yups) this is why the prices are so high … and why they’re willing to pay them. I guarantee if you can get into the Civic Center that night every seat will be filled. I don’t think the prices will stay that high–ticket brokers can and do slash prices if the event gets closer and the tickets haven’t moved–but they will be bought for WAY more than face value. It’s their money, they can do as they please–just don’t whine about it.



  25. Brian Lanz
    October 11, 2007 10:42 pm

    Yes, I posted several mocking messages taunting parents, but that was after being unfairly attacked for being a legal ticket reseller. Unfortunately Chris Togneri incorrectly attributed a craigslist post to me in the Trib. This was not the same post that he responded to to ask for an interview. Not that I really care though.

    The post gazette quotes one of my posts but unfortunately they gave me no credit for it :>(

    “I thought you were going to cry to the attorney general instead of crying here? When will you realize that your crying here is unproductive, pointless and pathetic?” http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07279/823360-237.stm

    BTW, I lived at 1213 Ocala St. Pgh 15212 almost ten years ago.



  26. bucdaddy
    October 11, 2007 11:10 pm

    oh. my. gawd: Strongly suggest you instead get down to the local original rock/country/blues/whatever club in your town and give the $5 cover to a band that can really use it. It’ll be hit and miss, you might not always like what you hear, but you might be surprised, too, and I bet you’ll have a better time knowing hey, even if I don’t like it, WTF, it’s only $5. A lot different from pissing away $100 a seat and sitting 1/2 mile away, if you’re lucky. The beer will be much cheaper, too.

    I haven’t been to a shed show in I bet a decade — was probably a Neil Young show. For his “Ragged Glory” tour, I camped at a National Record Mart in Uniontown Mall for about an hour before the door opened so I could be first in line. When I got to the counter and they fired up the PC, the guy said, “Where you want to sit?” I said, “How close can you get me?” He said, “Front row.” I thought, yeah, you mean the first row behind the VIP section. “OK, I’ll take ’em.”

    When he printed them out and gave them to me, I checked them against the Arena seating chart and did a double (and triple) take. Damn. Front row meant Row A. I happily spent the night getting my eardrums warped by and with an unimpeded view of Crazy Horse, Sonic Youth and Social Distortion.

    Best. Concert. Ever.



  27. oh. my. gawd
    October 12, 2007 11:11 am

    Bucdaddy,

    I always swear I won’t go to star lake anymore, but my wife always manages to drag me out once or twice a year.
    Suffice to say I hate every single thing about that venue from location to access to parking to beer prices to restroom facilities, and I seriously hope the designers and planners rot in hell for all eternity.

    There’s only a few shows I’ve seen recently, Rush and Steely Dan, neither of which I’d think are that high-demand compared to a Springsteen or Van Halen reunion tour, and I’m still getting screwed on seats.

    Went to Genesis at the arena last month, and even though the tickets sucked, at least I was close enough to see who was on stage, I could see over the head of the person in front of me, and I was only a short walk from facilities and concessions. And I walked to my car by the Doubletree and drove home in less time than it usually takes me to get out of the parking lot at star lake. (I know it’s the post-gazette pavilion. I refuse to give them any advertising joy for endorsing that piece of crap.)

    As to your Neil Young story, I’m old enough to remember the ticket window at National Record Mart too. I bet a regular fan off the street hasn’t bought a ticket within ten rows of the stage since then.



  28. Stll A. Fan
    October 12, 2007 9:03 pm

    this is a good thread. i disagree with more than i agree with here. first of all, the free market economy reference is used a little too loosely here. if it were truly a free market economy – tickets couldnt be bought for $44 and resold online for $350 a few minutes later. in a free market economy i would have the same access to buy the ticket as the brokers with the software! i know i would freely pay more for the ticket than he would given the chance. would a broker buy 30 tickets if he had to pay $150 each? no.

    trish called the marketing relentless and i couldnt disagree more. my daughter watches disney all the time. they do NOT run commercials for her tour. i live in the greater philadelphia area and the philly tickets were sold out before we even knew they were on sale. that’s why we had to get tickets for AC. there were no tv or radio commercials for the concert. the disney channel doesnt have 1 commercial for any toy/game related to hannah montana…zero…they dont do toy commercials. the disney store isnt overrun with HM merchandise either…..they have so little as compared to the animated movies. they DO show the tv show several times per day….but thats it. the show has been out for some time and they just started making dolls of the characters. if anything, i think they’re leaving money on the table.

    all these adults are bitter and making fun of the concert and stuff. lighten up and try to remember what it was like to be a kid. imagine being 8 and loving a tv show and having her 2 cds and singing along and knowing all the words and then you get to go to the concert. i’m excited that my daughter loves music and loves to sing. dont be a buzzkill. what’s she supposed to do, listen to weezer? she’s 8! and hell yeah i’m going. i love seeing her have a good time and there’s going to be plenty of milfs walking around ;) one with me!

    yuppies? please! yuppies have companies and get the luxury suites. those seats are being filled by a wide variety of people.



  29. LoJo
    October 12, 2007 10:36 pm

    This concert isn’t any different than any other popular concert or sports event. To say that this concert is somehow “off limits” because it’s popular with children is absurd.

    This guy obtained tickets legally and is reselling them legally. Get over it!



  30. oh. my. gawd
    October 12, 2007 11:47 pm

    “This concert isn’t any different than any other popular concert or sports event. To say that this concert is somehow “off limits” because it’s popular with children is absurd.

    This guy obtained tickets legally and is reselling them legally. Get over it!”

    We’re only ripping on Lanz because he was such an incredible dick. So he stands in line legitimately and buys his allotment of 8 tickets or whatever and turns around and sells 4. Not enough actual fans are going to do that to make a big dent in the availability. But when you have a whole black market business of people gaming the system to buy hundreds of tickets, against the rules set by the venue, only to make a quick buck in some sort of profiteering scam, it gets old. If I illegally download music for my own enjoyment, it’s a felony. If I make a %500 profit on a groups popularity with no effort, and the artist doesn’t get a dime off of it, that’s OK?

    Regular concert goers have been complaining for years, and no one cares. Now all of a sudden it’s “for the children” and everyone is freaking out. On one hand, yay for finally noticing. On the other hand, why is it more unfair to price-gouge little Hayley’s parents than it is regular adults?



  31. pittgirl
    October 13, 2007 9:51 am

    LoJo,

    He’s not an annoying Burgher for buying the tickets and reselling them. Couldn’t care less about that.

    He’s an annoying Burgher for being an asshole and taunting other parents about it.

    Get it?



  32. LoJo
    October 13, 2007 2:20 pm

    Lanz was attacked for being a scalper. He didn’t just buy the tickets then “head to Craigslist to taunt the unlucky fellow child rearers”. Have you read the comments from the parents? I didn’t think so. You shouldn’t be calling someone an asshole for something unless you know both sides.



  33. Trish
    October 13, 2007 9:45 pm

    If you don’t think Hannah Montana is heavily marketed I invite you to see my six-year-old niece’s bedroom, which is a literal HM shrine. Or look in a magazine section where anything aimed at kids has Miley Cyrus’ face on it.



  34. Stll A. Fan
    October 14, 2007 8:49 am

    well, yeah, my daughter’s room has all the pics from the magazines…..but that doesnt represent “relentless” marketing. like i said, go to toys r us target or the disney store (of which she’s an entity) and look around. i’m at these places all the time. the amount of merchandise for her is LOW. and, like i said, there isnt a single commercial on tv for ANY game, doll….nothing. plus, the disney channel didnt even promote the concert on it’s own channel. there is a HUGE difference between tweener magazines having her picture on every third page and what i’m describing. contrast what i’m saying to “transformers” or “bionicles” or look at the other disney/pixar movies – they have toys at mcdonalds and stuff…..you havent seen any of that for HM and she’s been out for 3 years. in my opinion, it is a calculated effort by them to not shove her down your throat so she doesnt seem like a fly by night success who will burn out in popularity.

    ok, lets get back to something important to adults like making fun of the mayor or something….



  35. sylv
    October 14, 2007 9:52 am

    Brian, tsk tsk – PittGirl said it best – nothing better to add DITTO.



  36. Trish
    October 14, 2007 10:33 am

    (returns to baiting Ben minions)



  37. joe
    October 16, 2007 11:41 am

    How come any person who wants tickets is a lousy parent who can’t tell their kids no? I have not been to a concert in 20 years and my kids have never been to one. I wanted to take them to this show. They hardly get every thing they ask for. And if they don’t get tickets, well life goes on. But assholes like this eating up tickets just to gouge another isn’t right. Thanks for printing his name and city he lives in. I think I will call the IRS to see if he reports all this money he is making off all these suckers. Let’s see if he reports his thousands.



  38. LoJo
    October 16, 2007 3:14 pm

    People have been scalping tickets as long as there have been events to which people have had to purchase tickets. The more popular the event, the harder it is to get tickets. This Hannah Montana concert is no different.

    Where are you people when the scalpers are scalping football, baseball, hockey and other popular concert tickets??

    This concert isn’t any different than any other popular concert or sports event. To say that this concert is somehow “off limits” because it’s popular with children is absurd.

    This is the reason Lanz was (unfairly)attacked on Craigslist. When he shot back he was excoriated for doing so.

    GET IT???



  39. Dan
    July 23, 2008 11:08 am

    I tend to pick concerts that aren’t all too popular, so I know I can get tickets. I have eclectic tastes.

    I thought my coworker was nuts to spend a ton of money on tickets for her entire family to go see the Rolling Stones. For what she spent, she could’ve just bought every one of their albums on CD.