So I’m in my Giant Eagle the other night purchasing my weight in concord grapes, among other items.
I approach, I don’t know, let’s call it aisle 3.
Aisle 3 cashier starts scanning my items.
Bananas … punch, punch, punch, beep.
Bread … beep.
Bacon in non-resealable packaging, darn it … beep.
Fat-free half n’ half yumminess … beep.
and bunches of other items … beep, beep, punch, punch, beep, beep, beep. Boop-de-doop. Beep.
Aisle 3 cashier: That will be approximately $93.56 for the sake of this post, PittGirl.
PittGirl: I swiped my debit card.
Cash register: boop boop
PittGirl’s fingers: yes, no cash back
Card reader: Approved, bitch.
Aisle 3 cashier: Have a good night, Your Hotness.
It was at this point that Aisle 3 cashier handed me what I thought was a handful of wadded up paper towels.
No, not paper towels, or toilet paper, but my receipt, along with half a dozen or so other papers for coupons and reminders to start earning toward my free turkey.
Apparently my Giant Eagle has upgraded their Coupon and Useless Shit Spitter Outter because, Burghers, one trip to the grocery store and here’s what I walked away with:
Yes, that’s my hardwood floor. Yes, that’s my home phone there on the left, so you can compare the size to something.
Are you kidding me, Aisle 3 cashier!?
First of all, the receipt? Yeah, the items I bought actually stop half way down. The rest of the receipt is just crap.
You might call this customer rewards … I call it kindling.