Approved, bitch.

So I’m in my Giant Eagle the other night purchasing my weight in concord grapes, among other items.

I approach, I don’t know, let’s call it aisle 3.

Aisle 3 cashier starts scanning my items.

Bananas … punch, punch, punch, beep.

Bread … beep.

Bacon in non-resealable packaging, darn it … beep.

Fat-free half n’ half yumminess … beep.

and bunches of other items … beep, beep, punch, punch, beep, beep, beep. Boop-de-doop.  Beep.

Aisle 3 cashier: That will be approximately $93.56 for the sake of this post, PittGirl.

PittGirl:  I swiped my debit card.

Cash register:  boop boop

PittGirl’s fingers:  yes, no cash back

Card reader:  Approved, bitch.

Aisle 3 cashier:  Have a good night, Your Hotness.

It was at this point that Aisle 3 cashier handed me what I thought was a handful of wadded up paper towels.

No, not paper towels, or toilet paper, but my receipt, along with half a dozen or so other papers for coupons and reminders to start earning toward my free turkey.

Apparently my Giant Eagle has upgraded their Coupon and Useless Shit Spitter Outter because, Burghers, one trip to the grocery store and here’s what I walked away with:

Yes, that’s my hardwood floor.  Yes, that’s my home phone there on the left, so you can compare the size to something.

Are you kidding me, Aisle 3 cashier!?

First of all, the receipt?  Yeah, the items I bought actually stop half way down.  The rest of the receipt is just crap.

You might call this customer rewards … I call it kindling.


  1. Lynne
    October 12, 2007 5:28 pm

    I know, that is so freaking annoying. All that shit doesn’t even fit in my wallet.

  2. Gunn Lino
    October 12, 2007 5:44 pm

    Ah, the computer age. Wasn’t it supposed to bring an end to the mountains of paper we have to deal with ?

  3. James Foreman
    October 12, 2007 5:48 pm

    I think the other noteworthy item in this post is that Pittgirl still uses a “home phone,” rather than joining the rest of us youthful peers and relying solely and courageously on a cellular jobby.

    How quaint.

  4. Pensgirl
    October 12, 2007 5:49 pm

    The worst part is all those damn coupons are for stuff you don’t use. Like, say you buy Dannon yogurt, you get a coupon for Yoplait. Or you bought Cheerios, so you get a coupon for Special K. Most people are pretty brand-loyal. So, what, now we’re just killing trees for fun?

  5. yinzerchick
    October 12, 2007 8:32 pm

    Throwing in a phone for scale? Anal.

    PittGirl is an engineer!

  6. Goob
    October 12, 2007 8:39 pm

    I envy you your working fireplace!

  7. bucdaddy
    October 12, 2007 10:43 pm

    Wow. You must be up to $3,158.79 off each gallon of gas.

  8. Bram R
    October 12, 2007 11:19 pm

    Make a video of all those receipts, and set it to the tune of “Fee Fi Fo Fum, Giant Savings Here We Come.”

    When it goes viral, you’ll be interviewed by Andy Gastmeyer of Channel 11 and Ray Liota of Fox News.

    Oh wait, you’re anonymous. Need a good blog spokesperson?

  9. bucdaddy
    October 13, 2007 6:35 pm

    I don’t know about you, but every time I’ve gone to Iggle and spent, like, $50 lately, one of those coupons was for $5 off my next load. So if you’re bitchin’ about somebody handing you $5 I’ll give you my address.

  10. returningBurgher
    October 14, 2007 8:51 pm

    strangely the iggle I go to does not hand out scads of coupons… consider yourself lucky. :-P

  11. PittGirl
    October 15, 2007 7:54 am


    No $5 coupons for me. Never ever got one.

    Returning Burgher,

    Two of those papers were coupons. The rest were not.

  12. Sofa King
    October 15, 2007 10:00 am

    Pensgirl, I hear that completely. By far the WORST offender with irrelevant coupons is CVS. As a single 27-year-old male, my purchases there pretty much consist of hair/skin care and shaving products, sinus/cold pills, toothpaste, and, when I’m feeling lucky, condoms. So, what do I get coupons for? Baby formula, diapers (baby and adult), and the occasional feminine hygiene product.

    Really, wtf? I mean…wtf?

  13. thejim
    October 15, 2007 12:52 pm

    Giant Eagle gets subsidized every time it prints one of those coupons, so you better buy a bigger purse!