What they’re really thinking: Slutty edition.

This newfangled phenomenon of fantasy football has injected a decidedly odd element to family football game-watching.

My brother-in-law was cheering for his quarterback Benny, but would occasionally erupt in a frenzied “HOUSH!!!!!!” before rushing off to see where his fantasy team stood due to TJ Houshyaddayadda’s latest catch.  There was me who was really wishing Carson Palmer wouldn’t throw a single touchdown because I had benched him in my league in favor of Jeff Garcia and I didn’t need him putting up points that were useless to me.  So I was cheering for Cincy to run the touchdowns in.  But I also freaked out happily when Housh had a reception.

For those in my family that DON’T have any fantasy shit going on, they kind of look at the rest of us like we’re a skewer short of city chicken.

I kid you not, when I play him and Carson Palmer hits TJ Housh for touchdowns, I flip the hell out like the Pirates won the pennant.  Sigh.


1.  Benny’s pre-game prayers were very effective.  I gotta wonder if maybe God is spending too much time helping Benny and saving the lost soul of Jeff “Skeeve” Reed that he’s forgotten completely about Troysus.

Benny was solid.  Did you see him complete a pass after scrambling like nuts and as he was being brought down by a Beagle wrapped around his ankles?  And that pump fake on the Hines Ward touchdown?  That’s football as art.

2.  Hines “I Shit Sunshine” Ward was finally back to his old hijinks.  How I missed him and his permanent grin and I didn’t even know it.  Look at this boy:

He NEVER stops smiling. I’m pretty sure you could walk up to Hines Ward, kick him in the balls, and he’d smile and hand you a lollipop.

3.  The Bengals were pretty much outplayed for a good portion of the game with the Steelers treating them like the criminals that they are.

4.  The Asshat is totally making me love him.   Gorgeous catches.

5.  As usual, it looked like a home game didn’t it?

Where’d all the Beagles fans go?

Oh, there they are, holding the most original fan towel EVER!

Yeah.  You really, really wish.

Great game on the whole.

Next week?  I’m pretty sure Troysus is going to show up.


  1. jason
    October 29, 2007 9:54 pm

    i love this blog. very funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (im a former pittsburgher)

  2. honda driver
    October 29, 2007 11:06 pm

    OMG. LOL. milk shooting out my nose over benny’s humble prayer pose and jeff reed’s tagline.

  3. Bram R
    October 30, 2007 2:06 am

    I got Carson Palmer on my fantasy team, too. And I didn’t bench him. Now that’s heartburn!

  4. mc26
    October 30, 2007 9:08 am

    Troyus as you call him has apparently been playing deep since the Steelers have been running a cover 2 defense to guard against the long bomb. The fact that you don’t see him rushing the line of scrimage like he’s done before doesn’t mean he’s not there, he’s just been given a different job. One that he’s also kicking ass at because I didn’t see Palmer complete very many deep passes on Sunday. Polamalu is maybe the most versatile player in the game. GO STEELERS!!!!!

  5. BBM
    October 30, 2007 12:42 pm

    Fantasy football is screwing with my head, too. Wanting Plex to do well makes me feel all sorts of dirty and wrong. And we won’t even talk about how pissed I was the Hines kept scoring touchdowns when Heath Miller was RIGHT there.

  6. Jason
    October 30, 2007 2:38 pm

    “I flip the hell out like the Pirates won the pennant.”

    There is a pennant that the Pirates can play for? Have the Pirates been informed of this? Does this involve playoffs? As a Pirates fan, I am unaware of the existence of these things. I guess I will have to take your word for it.

  7. Trish
    October 30, 2007 5:57 pm

    Want to know hell? Have the following on your fantasy team:

    Carson Palmer
    TJ Whosyourmama
    Steelers D

    It’s schizophrenia waiting to happen, I’m telling you.

    /7-1, though.

  8. SportyGal85
    October 30, 2007 6:30 pm

    The “private” prayer made me laugh till my eyes watered…then I read the Jeff Reed one. Classic.

    Leave the fantasy football alone kids. Just say no!

  9. Trish
    October 31, 2007 4:25 am

    Also +10 for “Hines ‘I Shit Sunshine’ Ward.” Sheer poetry.

  10. Melissa
    November 3, 2007 12:18 am

    I’ve seen the “private pre game” stuff on pregames and clips on the news and have wondered that very same thing for a long time. I sort of was thinking it was just me and I was taking it the “wrong way”….geez, the more I read and hear about Big Ben he seems like a Big Schmuck.