Today is Halloween. Today is NOT April Fools Day. So trust me when I tell you that this shit is for reals.
Apparently 23-year-olds are too mature for 84-year-old Joe Hardy, because that fat old ugly geezer went and found himself a TWENTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE WHO IS WILLING TO SLEEP WITH HIS FAT OLD GEEZER WHEEZING SELF.
Now, he’s being romantically linked to 22-year-old Danielle Golden, of Dunbar, whose relatives said she is smitten with Hardy.
OMG. I thought when he and Kristin Georgie broke up that I could finally purge my “Ew. These will make you gag.” file of the mental image of Joe Hardy popping a handful of Viagra and getting it on with a girl sixty years his junior. But no. He had to go find another one and look, the file is open and I am gagging.
Also “smitten”? SMITTEN? You get smitten with a kitten or smitten with the boy next door or smitten with any one of my self-united husbands. You do NOT get smitten with a fat old geezer wheezing 84-year-old billionaire. It defies the laws of the universe.
You CAN however get smitten with billions of dollars.
Her name on MySpace is Dannii Marie aka “Da Dirty D.”
Anyway, her current mood is “exhausted” but not exhausted with a sleeping smiley like “Wow, I just pulled an all nighter studying for finals!”, but exhausted with a smiley with x-ed out eyes and a tongue wagging. As in physically exhausted from doing “da dirty deed” with a FAT OLD GEEZER.
Joe Hardy is a pimp.
Finally, I’m fully aware that most 84-year-old single billionaires would do EXACTLY what Joe is doing. I am not however aware of how these girls are able to do this without daily bathing in bleach.