Monthly Archives: November 2007

Hang ‘im from the yardarm

That’s because no other Major League team has gone so long without a winning season.

If the Pirates raised the price to go watch their sad form of baseball, there would be looting of epic proportions … and pillaging.  And maybe even some plundering.  Definitely some plundering.

Aye.





Random n@.

1. Cincinnati-based undercover Burgh agent and reader Erik H is the winner of the free PittGirl shirt for his generosity in donating to the PAAR fundraiser in my name. Thanks again to all of you that donated. I actually put all of your names on slivers of paper, scattered them on my desk, closed my eyes and grabbed one. If you don’t believe me, here’s my garbage can.

2. The Soup Nazi‘s Original Soup Man shop is opening up here in the Burgh on Forbes across from Macy’s. See.

Isn’t that where Tommy’s used to be? Selling his “The Steeler” sandwich?

Regardless, you should familiarize yourself with the rules. “Pick what you want, have your money ready, and move to the EXTREME left after ordering, or no soup for you!” I can’t tell you how tempted I am going to be to go in there and move to the moderate left.

Also:

Yeganeh accepts media inquiries, but his “media rules” forbid mention of “the ‘N’ word” (for Nazi), personal questions, or follow-up questions. Interviews are only conducted via e-mail. Failing that, the journalist receives an e-mail where it reads: “NO INTERVIEW FOR YOU! NEXT!”

I’m not sure, but I think this guy might need a chill pill.

3. Hey, look, there’s a USPS maibox dressed up like R2D2!

I noticed this on the Pitt campus and snapped the photo because I thought some of you might be all, “Hey, look! There’s a USPS mailbox dressed up like R2D2!” and then make elaborate plans to steal it. Don’t waste your time. It’s gone now and replaced with a regular box.

4. Mike Tomlin said:

Your ability to deal with the unforeseen and your ability to deal with adversity defines you. Sometimes you create it. Sometimes the elements create it. Sometimes your opponent creates it. How it’s created is irrelevant, it’s how you deal with it.

and re: Sean Taylor’s death:

I know we lifted him up in prayer last night after the game as a football team.

The man finds a cool way to say everything, doesn’t he?

5. USA Today blames the NFL for the field conditions and then goes ahead and manages to drop the word confluence on us.

6. Two Craigslist goodies:

  • If you’d like to be some large and tattooed guy’s “longer term secondary relationship” filled with kink, here’s your man.
  • Here’s the thing with this guy, he’s obviously a cheesy, hopelessly romantic biker dad who watches too many chick flicks, but that said, I absolutely adore this final thought (edited for grammar by me) in his huge list of “The Way it Should Be.”

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is, “Whose ass am I kicking, babe?”

Aw. He needs to give this lady from Butler a call.





It is birthed.

Woy, AKA Mike Woycheck, AKA Alfred the Butler has been a very busy boy and has finally launched WearPittsburgh: Locally designed. Locally inclined.

I think it was about a year and a half ago that he first mentioned this endeavor, so you know, if you need something done right away, Mike is your man!

In addition to this kickass T&A design:

This design that a little birdie told me David Conrad just loved:

 

This design that plays off of a very popular MTV show:

And lots of other awesome Burgh designs that you all need to check out, is the first ever, limited-time-only PittGirl shirt!

There’s lots of color combos and styles you can choose from and here’s the deal — the PittGirl design will only be available for sale until January 3.

Why?

Because I am too insecure to have these shirts on sale forever and will constantly be calling Woy all, “Did we sell any PittGirl shirts?! How many? Why DOESN’T ANYONE LOVE ME?!?!”

Now, I promised those of you that donated in my name to the Pittsburgh Action Against Rape fundraiser that you would be in a drawing to get a free shirt.

That’s still going to happen, so stay tuned.

If you need some motivation to buy one:

  • Show PittGirl you’re drinking with her, and maybe she’ll stop you on the street and tell you how awesome your shirt is. But probably not.
  • The shirt Lukey doesn’t want you to own. Stick it to him.
  • If you buy this shirt, PittGirl will self-unite herself to you in marriage.
  • For every PittGirl shirt that is sold, a pigeon gets its wings violently ripped off. True story.

There ya go.





Baloney.

Penn State will have us believe that Joe Paterno is making $500,000 a year.

I’m sorry, but this has baloney written all over it and it’s spelled LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

That is way too little money for a 158-year-old who has been coaching at the same school for 135 years to be making, right?

Also, speaking of Joe Pa, he says he’d like to coach 3-5 more years and that:

“[Next year], I think we’re going to be right in the thick of things for the national championship.”

Well, that deserves a big fat …





The malleable cheese.

Lukey said:

“The rehabilitation of this century-old bridge symbolically captures Pittsburgh’s economic revival,” Mr. Ravenstahl said. “Built to support the once flourishing steel industry, the converted bridge will now support our burgeoning knowledge-based economy by linking critical places of economic development to social, research and medical centers. One-hundred years later, we have reinvented ourselves.”

The two shores of the bridge represent the breadth of the City’s economic resurgence…

Why can’t Lukey ever just say something and say it simply.

Why can’t you just eat a sandwich, Lukey, and say, “Hey, this is a great sandwich!”

Why do you always have to be all, “These slices of bread are like the salty, crusty workforce that holds our city together, surrounding the oily french fries that are the clogged arteries of our thoroughfares, and topped with the soft, malleable cheese that is my brain. This sandwich signifies everything that is right, and good, and delicious about the City of Pittsupmcburgh and I’m proud to be sitting here with myself and other individuals eating it now.”

Sometimes, Lukey, a sandwich is just a sandwich.

If I were you, I’d hold a staff meeting with whoever it is that’s writing your shit and say, “For the love of God, dudes. Make me sound human and awesome and not so much like Politicobot 2000. And if we can work some ‘move forwards’ in there, maybe we’ll get on PittGirl’s good side. Holla atcha late-ah!”

Also, this might be the most awesome thing I’ve seen all week.