Random n@.

1. An exchange between PittGirl and Sister of PittGirl while browsing the Steelers aisle at a local store.

Sister of PittGirl: PittGirl! PittGirl! Look at this! (pointing up to a poster hanging from the ceiling featuring photos of Steelers) Look at that picture of Troy.

PittGirl: Wow.

Sister of PittGirl: Isn’t that a great picture of him?

PittGirl: Amazing. I wish we could get it down.

[pause]

Sister of PittGirl: … and lick it.

Oh, come on!  Who among you hasn’t ever wanted to lick a picture of Troysus?

2.   WTF?

Two days later, at another Subway, a revolver-wielding robber demanded money, but the nervous clerk couldn’t open the register and a female patron refused to hand over her purse. A third customer gave up his wallet, but only when the robber promised to mail it back.

Really?  He promised to mail it back?  Wow.  This is a BAD robber.

Police say the same person may be responsible for at least two of the holdups.

Yeah, the same moron.

3.  The Pittsburgh ComiCon 2008’s fate is a bit up in the air, what with its founder being recently charged with his wife’s murder.  Wait.  I mean … dum, dum, dum, dahhhh … MURRRRR-DER!  Ka-pow!

4.   It’s official.  John Russell (Who?  No idea.) is the next whipping boy for the Pirates.  With this latest development, I asked the Magic 8 Ball on my Facebook page if the Pirates are going to play .500 ball next season.  It said, “Who the f*#& is John Russell!?!”  Swear to God.

5.   Shit.

One of the stolen monkeys is a spot-nose guenon, the other is a mon guenon. They weigh 7 and 12 pounds respectively.

Mr. Kemmerer said the animals are not tame and could easily hurt themselves or humans who try to handle them.

Just what I need to worry about.  Wild monkeys fleeing their captors, finding me, and killing me.

6.   That Ruth Ann Dailey waxes hilarious over those Highmark gift cards.

Best parts:

The big question on everyone’s mind is, “How soon can I buy these newfangled Healthcare Gift Cards at the grocery store?”

And the second question is, “How much will I save on a tank of gas if I get a colonoscopy?”

And:

“Breast enhancement surgery costs $5,000. If Betty can afford one $35 Healthcare Gift Card per week, and post-op recovery time is 21 days, how many weeks will Betty have to wait before she can get a job as a stripper?”

Be sure to round up.

7.   Dear Jean Horne,

Did you really just tell me that David Conrad was at an art opening over the weekend and then NOT include a photo in your Fanfare gallery?

What the hell’s wrong with you?

PittGirl





10 Comments

  1. chrys
    November 5, 2007 11:41 am

    I would also be concerned with flying monkey poop!!



  2. Frank
    November 5, 2007 12:18 pm

    What would happen if…:

    1) The retarded subway robber found and befriended the monkeys

    and

    2) The new robber & monkey trio robbed a store selling Healthcare gift cards?



  3. Woy
    November 5, 2007 1:02 pm

    Ok, everyone. Do not panic.

    Here are some self-defense tactics should you encounter this rogue guenon:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2176419/

    Granted these instructions are geared toward macaques but I’m thinking, hey, close enough.



  4. chrys
    November 5, 2007 1:07 pm

    the monkeys have been found… in Washington County! We are all a little safer this afternoon…



  5. Ms. Caroline
    November 5, 2007 1:55 pm

    Nice changes to the blog.

    6. Healthcare gift cards are wrong on so many levels. Since when is paying for healthcare a gift?



  6. unsatisfied
    November 5, 2007 2:19 pm

    the main reason that the fightin’ nuttings have hired john russell is that he managed a suck-ass triple A ballclub to a 55-88 record last year — “the 55 victories being the lowest in the International League,” according to the PG.

    look out below!



  7. spoon
    November 5, 2007 2:35 pm

    John Russell was a horrible couch under Mac but also was the 06 manager of the year in the international league… and like unsatisfied said, followed it up with 55-88.

    I’m not crazy about this move. Did everyone else give the Pirates the collective middle finger and say “Jesus Christ himself couldn’t manage that franchise to .500”



  8. spoon
    November 5, 2007 4:00 pm

    bwhahaha I suck. Coach too. Eh, he probably was a terrible lay as a couch.



  9. unsatisfied
    November 5, 2007 5:16 pm

    “Did everyone else give the Pirates the collective middle finger and say “Jesus Christ himself couldn’t manage that franchise to .500″”

    heh – jesus just went to los angeles (to paraphrase zz top)