Random n@.
- November 5, 2007
- filed under David Conrad, Local media, Pirates, Random, Troy Polamalu, Weird Burghers
1. An exchange between PittGirl and Sister of PittGirl while browsing the Steelers aisle at a local store.
Sister of PittGirl: PittGirl! PittGirl! Look at this! (pointing up to a poster hanging from the ceiling featuring photos of Steelers) Look at that picture of Troy.
PittGirl: Wow.
Sister of PittGirl: Isn’t that a great picture of him?
PittGirl: Amazing. I wish we could get it down.
[pause]
Sister of PittGirl: … and lick it.
Oh, come on! Who among you hasn’t ever wanted to lick a picture of Troysus?
2. WTF?
Two days later, at another Subway, a revolver-wielding robber demanded money, but the nervous clerk couldn’t open the register and a female patron refused to hand over her purse. A third customer gave up his wallet, but only when the robber promised to mail it back.
Really? He promised to mail it back? Wow. This is a BAD robber.
Police say the same person may be responsible for at least two of the holdups.
Yeah, the same moron.
3. The Pittsburgh ComiCon 2008’s fate is a bit up in the air, what with its founder being recently charged with his wife’s murder. Wait. I mean … dum, dum, dum, dahhhh … MURRRRR-DER! Ka-pow!
4. It’s official. John Russell (Who? No idea.) is the next whipping boy for the Pirates. With this latest development, I asked the Magic 8 Ball on my Facebook page if the Pirates are going to play .500 ball next season. It said, “Who the f*#& is John Russell!?!” Swear to God.
5. Shit.
One of the stolen monkeys is a spot-nose guenon, the other is a mon guenon. They weigh 7 and 12 pounds respectively.
Mr. Kemmerer said the animals are not tame and could easily hurt themselves or humans who try to handle them.
Just what I need to worry about. Wild monkeys fleeing their captors, finding me, and killing me.
6. That Ruth Ann Dailey waxes hilarious over those Highmark gift cards.
Best parts:
The big question on everyone’s mind is, “How soon can I buy these newfangled Healthcare Gift Cards at the grocery store?”
And the second question is, “How much will I save on a tank of gas if I get a colonoscopy?”
And:
“Breast enhancement surgery costs $5,000. If Betty can afford one $35 Healthcare Gift Card per week, and post-op recovery time is 21 days, how many weeks will Betty have to wait before she can get a job as a stripper?”
Be sure to round up.
7. Dear Jean Horne,
Did you really just tell me that David Conrad was at an art opening over the weekend and then NOT include a photo in your Fanfare gallery?
What the hell’s wrong with you?
PittGirl
chrys
November 5, 2007 11:41 am
I would also be concerned with flying monkey poop!!
Frank
November 5, 2007 12:18 pm
What would happen if…:
1) The retarded subway robber found and befriended the monkeys
and
2) The new robber & monkey trio robbed a store selling Healthcare gift cards?
Woy
November 5, 2007 1:02 pm
Ok, everyone. Do not panic.
Here are some self-defense tactics should you encounter this rogue guenon:
http://www.slate.com/id/2176419/
Granted these instructions are geared toward macaques but I’m thinking, hey, close enough.
chrys
November 5, 2007 1:07 pm
the monkeys have been found… in Washington County! We are all a little safer this afternoon…
chrys
November 5, 2007 1:08 pm
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07309/831304-100.stm?cmpid=latest.xml
Ms. Caroline
November 5, 2007 1:55 pm
Nice changes to the blog.
6. Healthcare gift cards are wrong on so many levels. Since when is paying for healthcare a gift?
unsatisfied
November 5, 2007 2:19 pm
the main reason that the fightin’ nuttings have hired john russell is that he managed a suck-ass triple A ballclub to a 55-88 record last year — “the 55 victories being the lowest in the International League,” according to the PG.
look out below!
spoon
November 5, 2007 2:35 pm
John Russell was a horrible couch under Mac but also was the 06 manager of the year in the international league… and like unsatisfied said, followed it up with 55-88.
I’m not crazy about this move. Did everyone else give the Pirates the collective middle finger and say “Jesus Christ himself couldn’t manage that franchise to .500”
spoon
November 5, 2007 4:00 pm
bwhahaha I suck. Coach too. Eh, he probably was a terrible lay as a couch.
unsatisfied
November 5, 2007 5:16 pm
“Did everyone else give the Pirates the collective middle finger and say “Jesus Christ himself couldn’t manage that franchise to .500″”
heh – jesus just went to los angeles (to paraphrase zz top)