That's Church

1. An exchange between PittGirl and Sister of PittGirl while browsing the Steelers aisle at a local store.

Sister of PittGirl: PittGirl! PittGirl! Look at this! (pointing up to a poster hanging from the ceiling featuring photos of Steelers) Look at that picture of Troy.

PittGirl: Wow.

Sister of PittGirl: Isn’t that a great picture of him?

PittGirl: Amazing. I wish we could get it down.

[pause]

Sister of PittGirl: … and lick it.

Oh, come on!  Who among you hasn’t ever wanted to lick a picture of Troysus?

2.   WTF?

Two days later, at another Subway, a revolver-wielding robber demanded money, but the nervous clerk couldn’t open the register and a female patron refused to hand over her purse. A third customer gave up his wallet, but only when the robber promised to mail it back.

Really?  He promised to mail it back?  Wow.  This is a BAD robber.

Police say the same person may be responsible for at least two of the holdups.

Yeah, the same moron.

3.  The Pittsburgh ComiCon 2008’s fate is a bit up in the air, what with its founder being recently charged with his wife’s murder.  Wait.  I mean … dum, dum, dum, dahhhh … MURRRRR-DER!  Ka-pow!

4.   It’s official.  John Russell (Who?  No idea.) is the next whipping boy for the Pirates.  With this latest development, I asked the Magic 8 Ball on my Facebook page if the Pirates are going to play .500 ball next season.  It said, “Who the f*#& is John Russell!?!”  Swear to God.

5.   Shit.

One of the stolen monkeys is a spot-nose guenon, the other is a mon guenon. They weigh 7 and 12 pounds respectively.

Mr. Kemmerer said the animals are not tame and could easily hurt themselves or humans who try to handle them.

Just what I need to worry about.  Wild monkeys fleeing their captors, finding me, and killing me.

6.   That Ruth Ann Dailey waxes hilarious over those Highmark gift cards.

Best parts:

The big question on everyone’s mind is, “How soon can I buy these newfangled Healthcare Gift Cards at the grocery store?”

And the second question is, “How much will I save on a tank of gas if I get a colonoscopy?”

And:

“Breast enhancement surgery costs $5,000. If Betty can afford one $35 Healthcare Gift Card per week, and post-op recovery time is 21 days, how many weeks will Betty have to wait before she can get a job as a stripper?”

Be sure to round up.

7.   Dear Jean Horne,

Did you really just tell me that David Conrad was at an art opening over the weekend and then NOT include a photo in your Fanfare gallery?

What the hell’s wrong with you?

PittGirl