- November 5, 2007
- filed under David Conrad, Local media, Pirates, Random, Troy Polamalu, Weird Burghers
1. An exchange between PittGirl and Sister of PittGirl while browsing the Steelers aisle at a local store.
Sister of PittGirl: PittGirl! PittGirl! Look at this! (pointing up to a poster hanging from the ceiling featuring photos of Steelers) Look at that picture of Troy.
Sister of PittGirl: Isn’t that a great picture of him?
PittGirl: Amazing. I wish we could get it down.
Sister of PittGirl: … and lick it.
Oh, come on! Who among you hasn’t ever wanted to lick a picture of Troysus?
Two days later, at another Subway, a revolver-wielding robber demanded money, but the nervous clerk couldn’t open the register and a female patron refused to hand over her purse. A third customer gave up his wallet, but only when the robber promised to mail it back.
Really? He promised to mail it back? Wow. This is a BAD robber.
Police say the same person may be responsible for at least two of the holdups.
Yeah, the same moron.
4. It’s official. John Russell (Who? No idea.) is the next whipping boy for the Pirates. With this latest development, I asked the Magic 8 Ball on my Facebook page if the Pirates are going to play .500 ball next season. It said, “Who the f*#& is John Russell!?!” Swear to God.
One of the stolen monkeys is a spot-nose guenon, the other is a mon guenon. They weigh 7 and 12 pounds respectively.
Mr. Kemmerer said the animals are not tame and could easily hurt themselves or humans who try to handle them.
Just what I need to worry about. Wild monkeys fleeing their captors, finding me, and killing me.
6. That Ruth Ann Dailey waxes hilarious over those Highmark gift cards.
The big question on everyone’s mind is, “How soon can I buy these newfangled Healthcare Gift Cards at the grocery store?”
And the second question is, “How much will I save on a tank of gas if I get a colonoscopy?”
“Breast enhancement surgery costs $5,000. If Betty can afford one $35 Healthcare Gift Card per week, and post-op recovery time is 21 days, how many weeks will Betty have to wait before she can get a job as a stripper?”
Be sure to round up.
7. Dear Jean Horne,
Did you really just tell me that David Conrad was at an art opening over the weekend and then NOT include a photo in your Fanfare gallery?
What the hell’s wrong with you?