Not satisfied with trying to dumb down the children of America by giving toddlers toys laced with lead, a Chinese toy manufacturer decided to just go ahead and take kids out of commission completely by tainting toys with … wait for it …
Yes. Roofies. The date rape drug. The drug that skeeves who can’t get laid any other way put in the drinks of unsuspecting women. They went there. Well, they went close to there.
Um, why are we so concerned only with Iraq, Osama, Iran, and radical extremists? Screw em! I’m no longer afraid of them. I’m now more terrified of every single thing I own that says “Made in China.”
I took an inventory and guys? Just about every single thing I own save for my clothing, my SUV, and my makeup has been made in China.
I’m looking at my awesome super duper garlic crusher wondering if every time I crush garlic, is this thing squirting a little bit of cyanide into said garlic?
Is my blender set to shoot razors into my eyes if I hit just the right combo of buttons? Is my coffee mug plastic made of goat waste? Does my clicky pen that I like to chew on have processed dog bones in it? Is my faux Christmas tree made with small remnants of radioactive materials?
DOES ANYTHING I OWN FROM CHINA CONTAIN ANYTHING THAT WAS EVER ONCE ON OR IN A PIGEON?!?!?!?!
I know, you’re saying, “PittGirl. Come on. There’s no goat waste in your coffee mug plastic. That’s ludicrous!”
As ludicrous as a date rape drug in a child’s toy?
If you have kids, can I suggest you just give them a ball of yarn to play with or maybe send them outside to play with sticks and stones?
Because sticks and stones may break their bones, but at least they won’t slip into roofie-induced comas.