Mmmmmm. ROOFIES!

Not satisfied with trying to dumb down the children of America by giving toddlers toys laced with lead, a Chinese toy manufacturer decided to just go ahead and take kids out of commission completely by tainting toys with … wait for it …

roofies.

Yes. Roofies. The date rape drug. The drug that skeeves who can’t get laid any other way put in the drinks of unsuspecting women. They went there. Well, they went close to there.

Um, why are we so concerned only with Iraq, Osama, Iran, and radical extremists? Screw em! I’m no longer afraid of them. I’m now more terrified of every single thing I own that says “Made in China.”

I took an inventory and guys? Just about every single thing I own save for my clothing, my SUV, and my makeup has been made in China.

I’m looking at my awesome super duper garlic crusher wondering if every time I crush garlic, is this thing squirting a little bit of cyanide into said garlic?

Is my blender set to shoot razors into my eyes if I hit just the right combo of buttons? Is my coffee mug plastic made of goat waste? Does my clicky pen that I like to chew on have processed dog bones in it? Is my faux Christmas tree made with small remnants of radioactive materials?

DOES ANYTHING I OWN FROM CHINA CONTAIN ANYTHING THAT WAS EVER ONCE ON OR IN A PIGEON?!?!?!?!

I know, you’re saying, “PittGirl. Come on. There’s no goat waste in your coffee mug plastic. That’s ludicrous!”

As ludicrous as a date rape drug in a child’s toy?

If you have kids, can I suggest you just give them a ball of yarn to play with or maybe send them outside to play with sticks and stones?

Because sticks and stones may break their bones, but at least they won’t slip into roofie-induced comas.

God.

(h/t Dennis)





20 Comments

  1. Frank
    November 8, 2007 9:48 am

    When I read that on CNN, I seriously thought they were just trying to mess with people.

    We should start thinking about how we can promote more things to be made in Pittsburgh, and therefore have “Made in Pittsburgh” labels on them, which would be very awesome…

    Actually…T-shirts with “Made in Pittsburgh” on the front would rock my world!



  2. Mark Denovich
    November 8, 2007 10:27 am

    Ok… I probably know too much chemistry for my own good but here goes. I feel the need to do some fact checking here, because I believe the Burgh Blog has higher journalistic standards than the AP.

    1) GHB (gamma-Hydroxybutric acid) Rohypnol (Flunitrazepam, aka roofies) Completely different animals.

    2) The toys weren’t coated with GHB. The story doesn’t spell it out, but the Chinese were probably using GBL gamma-Butyrolactone. It’s practically a miracle solvent… one of the few good ones that is non-flammable, non-carcinogenic, and has a low vapor pressure (it’s not fumey) It’s used in the electronics industry for cleaning circuit boards and the like… it’s also a good degreaser.

    3) GBL is metabolized by the body into GHB. GBL by the way tastes VILE. I can’t imagine a big threat of children willingly ingesting this stuff. It is still very much a solvent.

    4) GHB despite a million headlines to the contrary is not a date-rape drug (if there is such a thing… again this is salty nasty stuff that would be hard to disguise.) It’s not liquid ecstasy either. It’s fairly similar to alcohol in effect… the big difference being that it has a non-linear response curve. In plain speak, just a “little more” has a disproportionally big effect (makes you sleepy) Take a bit more than that and it will induce a non-rousable sleep.

    It’s funny how I can remember all this stuff, but have to search my house daily for my glasses and car keys. Stupid brain.



  3. MC
    November 8, 2007 10:35 am

    I know this is pedantic, however, since I learned this as an RD…

    According to the article, the compound in the toy is “gamma hydroxy butyrate”, or GHB. This is different than Rohypnol – the “roofie”. Rohypnol is in the same family of drugs as Valium. I don’t think GHB is even a pharmaceutical.

    (According to ProjectGHB.org, GHB is a degreasing agent – yummy)

    Rohypnol is particular effective as a date rape drug because it can produce some amnesia-like effects, where GHB does not. There’s one other big distinction that makes Rohypnol a much more dangerous date-rape drug – GHB is supposed to taste salty, Rohypnol is not.

    Of course, neither of these should be in toys, nor in girls’ drinks.

    Are these still a big problem (besides in toys)? I remember about a decade ago, date-rape drugs were all the rage and Ectasy was just hitting the scene but I figure kids are so doped up today that they have a Drano/Ketamine cocktail at home as a warm-up before going out to the clubs….



  4. SeanCollier
    November 8, 2007 10:56 am

    PG, you should really see Burgh comedian Billy Gardell this winter, if you haven’t already. He’s fantastic, and this post reminded me of part of his bit – stuff about toys today vs. toys (usually better referred to as ‘sticks’) when we grew up, really great stuff. He’s doing a run at the Improv leading up to New Year’s (along with a certain father of mine), just a few weeks before his Comedy Central presents airs.



  5. danopsu
    November 8, 2007 11:02 am

    Think its about time we start producing our own stuff for our kids again…just a thought



  6. the violet
    November 8, 2007 11:39 am

    You guys are hilarious! I’m liking all the smart talk! Correct me if I’m wrong but…isn’t that stuff in nail polish remover or something? I seem to remember about 3 or 4 years ago a talk show (montel?) that did a story on this type of stuff and one guy used to drink nail polish remover to get high and his kid caught it on tape. It was disturbing.



  7. Mark Denovich
    November 8, 2007 12:08 pm

    Nail polish is acetone… highly flammable, toxic, stinky, very different from GBL.



  8. BagitTagit
    November 8, 2007 1:04 pm

    Actually, I heard it was HBK that was found INSIDE Chyna… Sadly, HHH is still MIA



  9. coolmommy1234
    November 8, 2007 2:21 pm

    Lots of smart blog readers you have there, PG!

    My kids love the poisonous toys (Aqua Dots, Thomas the Train, Barbie, Polly Pocket, everything). The older kids know better than to put them in their mouths, but the baby is all about mouthing/swallowing anything. We’ll be sending the kids in the backyard to play with nature’s lincoln logs from now on! (ps…do you think the kids will look forward to “dirt and sticks” in their Christmas stockings? -How do you wrap dirt?- There’s a new market there, I bet! hmmm….)

    BTW, I would TOTALLY buy “Made in Pittsburgh” shirts for all of my kids!



  10. BagitTagit
    November 8, 2007 2:52 pm

    …any post that has a “cool Mommy” talking about mouthing/swallowing is a post for me!



  11. MC
    November 8, 2007 2:56 pm

    Actually, I have heard of drinking nail polish. Because of huffing, companies started making acetone-free nail polish. The replacement ingredient in some incarnations of acetone-free nail polish – GBL – a similar “drug” to GBH.

    Check out this article from the BBC about it:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/4261788.stm

    “Gamma butyrolactone, to give it its full name, has a similar effect to GHB, the “date-rape” drug made illegal in 2003 and which is equally popular in some gay clubs. They produce a euphoric high or, if too much is taken, nausea and unconsciousness.”

    I particularly like this part:

    “In 2002, a girl in Bolton, then aged 25, pulled 18 of her teeth out while hallucinating on GHB at home with her boyfriend. ”

    Good times…good times…



  12. The Bag of Health and Politics
    November 8, 2007 3:09 pm

    Perhaps they got toys and “bird seed” was lost in the translation. Perhaps it was a plot to exterminate all pigeons in America.

    If you want to have nightmares, think about pigeon racers! They keep a bunch of pigeons in their garage. Then they let them go to wander this great land and go somewhere carrying a letter. And crap on a few unsuspecting (or perhaps suspecting) Pittsburghers along the way…



  13. Stll A. Fan
    November 8, 2007 8:31 pm

    and wouldnt you know we sent our daughter to a birthday party with aqua dots last week as a gift. also, santa has already bought aqua dots for her.



  14. mis
    November 9, 2007 9:41 am

    Aqua dots were on my daughters Christmas list.
    Now they are not.

    What to give my kids for Christmas?
    Maybe a rattlesnake? It just may be safer than what is in the stores.

    What is everyone going to do with the Aqua – Dots?
    Maybe all the dads out there can slip them into mommy’s coctail and they will get lucky on Christmas Eve.



  15. unsatisfied
    November 9, 2007 3:57 pm

    all of this news about china/lead/toys makes me wonder how long this has been going on.

    one of my nieces was “made in china” — perhaps I should have her parents check her for lead.



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  20. Obsenuartopambume
    September 2, 2008 4:27 pm

    hey ))
    its very unconventional point of view.
    Nice post.
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