New York City has finally had enough:
A New York City lawmaker wants to declare war on the city’s pigeons and says he will not be dissuaded by the difficulties faced by London and Venice in ridding themselves of the ubiquitous birds.
City Councilman Simcha Felder on Monday called on the city to levy a fine of as much as $1,000 on people feeding pigeons, distribute bird contraceptives, and employ hawks to scare the birds away.
He also suggested appointing a “pigeon czar” to orchestrate the fight, a plan that has ruffled the feathers of animal lovers.
“Cities are lifeless places. People don’t appreciate the fact that we have some wildlife,” said Al Streit, director of The Pigeon People, an organization that rescues injured birds.
1. Al Streit? I guarantee if this “wildlife” was coming in the form of ANY OTHER POOPING ANIMAL be it rats, turkeys, bats, hamsters, suicidal deer looking for the polar bears, ANYTHING, that you would not feel so lovey dovey. You’d be shoving mags into your gun and ya know it.
2. Al Streit? An injured pigeon is a gift from God. Don’t insult God by trying to SAVE the bird.
3. The Pigeon People?! Really?!?! God help you.
4. There’s a problem here. Who feeds pigeons? I mean really really think about that. Who actually feeds pigeons? That’s right. Crazy people. Usually crazy homeless people. I don’t think the threat of a fine is going to deter them from their crazy.
5. You know how you can go your whole life without ever finding your calling … your passion … your reason for being here on Earth, and then one day you see something or you hear something and you know in that instant, unequivocally, without a doubt, that you have finally found your destiny and now the path of the rest of your life is suddenly very clear?
That’s exactly how I felt when I read the words “pigeon czar.”
I’d like to get a doctorate in Pigeon Czardom. I’d wear a sash that read, “Dr. PittGirl, Pigeon Czar.”
Does a pigeon czar get to wear a badge, because I would wear that badge so awesomely, clipped to my belt like The Sunglasses of Justice does, and I’d regularly be found in back alleys, standing over the lifeless bodies of rotting pigeons, dramatically placing my sunglasses on my face, pulling back my jacket to show my badge and saying things like, “You lie down with the devil, you wake up in hell.”
(h/t to Jeff, Bill, Steve, EQ, Fu, Chris, Jenn, Terry, Honda Driver, and KGC)