That’s “Dr. Czar” to you.

New York City has finally had enough:

A New York City lawmaker wants to declare war on the city’s pigeons and says he will not be dissuaded by the difficulties faced by London and Venice in ridding themselves of the ubiquitous birds.

City Councilman Simcha Felder on Monday called on the city to levy a fine of as much as $1,000 on people feeding pigeons, distribute bird contraceptives, and employ hawks to scare the birds away.

He also suggested appointing a “pigeon czar” to orchestrate the fight, a plan that has ruffled the feathers of animal lovers.

“Cities are lifeless places. People don’t appreciate the fact that we have some wildlife,” said Al Streit, director of The Pigeon People, an organization that rescues injured birds.

Thoughts:
1. Al Streit? I guarantee if this “wildlife” was coming in the form of ANY OTHER POOPING ANIMAL be it rats, turkeys, bats, hamsters, suicidal deer looking for the polar bears, ANYTHING, that you would not feel so lovey dovey. You’d be shoving mags into your gun and ya know it.

2. Al Streit? An injured pigeon is a gift from God. Don’t insult God by trying to SAVE the bird.

3. The Pigeon People?! Really?!?! God help you.

4. There’s a problem here. Who feeds pigeons? I mean really really think about that. Who actually feeds pigeons? That’s right. Crazy people. Usually crazy homeless people. I don’t think the threat of a fine is going to deter them from their crazy.

5. You know how you can go your whole life without ever finding your calling … your passion … your reason for being here on Earth, and then one day you see something or you hear something and you know in that instant, unequivocally, without a doubt, that you have finally found your destiny and now the path of the rest of your life is suddenly very clear?

That’s exactly how I felt when I read the words “pigeon czar.”

I’d like to get a doctorate in Pigeon Czardom. I’d wear a sash that read, “Dr. PittGirl, Pigeon Czar.”

Does a pigeon czar get to wear a badge, because I would wear that badge so awesomely, clipped to my belt like The Sunglasses of Justice does, and I’d regularly be found in back alleys, standing over the lifeless bodies of rotting pigeons, dramatically placing my sunglasses on my face, pulling back my jacket to show my badge and saying things like, “You lie down with the devil, you wake up in hell.”

(h/t to Jeff, Bill, Steve, EQ, Fu, Chris, Jenn, Terry, Honda Driver, and KGC)





14 Comments

  1. NY Luvs Pitts
    November 13, 2007 9:04 am

    Since I live in NY should I apply for the job? Hmmmm…



  2. Frank
    November 13, 2007 9:16 am

    I’d love to see the design for the Pigeon Czar badge!



  3. plexxer
    November 13, 2007 10:10 am

    Pros: The adoration of thousands of pigeon-haters.
    Cons: Having to learn how ‘Pigeon Contraceptives’ work.



  4. chrys
    November 13, 2007 12:57 pm

    Hey plexxer, I thought of another set of pro vs con to consider..

    pro ~ shiny, stylish Pigeon Czar Sash
    con ~ The Pigeon People



  5. "Fair and Balanced" Dave
    November 13, 2007 1:37 pm

    What’s wrong with pigeons? I think they’re wonderful. Especially roasted with butter and diced apples and then served on a bed of wild rice. :)



  6. Guy Hogan
    November 13, 2007 2:03 pm

    Yes, pigeons are a problem. What to do? What to do? Many years ago in the winter with lots of snow on the ground as I was walking past the Pitt campus with a friend a large flock of pigeons took off and circled overhead. I asked my friend how that many pigeons could survive the winter in Pittsburgh.

    “People feed them,” my friend said.

    I wanted her to be more than a friend but she already had a boyfriend. “Feed them? There must be one hundred overhead.”

    “You should see New York.”

    She was attending Pitt but her boyfriend lived in New York.



  7. Goob
    November 13, 2007 2:21 pm

    Back when I lived in Connecticut, a friend of mine and I used to go down into Hartford for one thing or another, and occasionally end up sitting in Bushnell Park.

    One day like that, late Spring I think, we found ourselves sitting on a bench, munching on corn nuts from paper sacks, and staring down a semicircle of pigeons.

    We threw them a corn nut.

    There was a squabble and a tussle for the thing. One of the big ones eventually got a clean shot at it, snatched it off the ground, and found it now had a problem: the corn nut was wedged in its beak, and the bird could neither chomp down on the thing, nor let up on it enough to shake it free.

    I felt pretty bad about that, watching it thrash around on the walkway, trying to get it loose. It went after it for 5 minutes, and eventually managed to prise it out with a foot. At which point, they all descended on it again. Eventually, they reduced it to pieces small enough for them to eat.

    So we threw them another one.



  8. nellie
    November 13, 2007 3:35 pm

    I don’t know how old you all are, but years ago a local news anchor at KDKA named Bill Burns hated the pigeons in Market Square. He was pretty obsessed with it. The other reporters teased him about it all the time. Turned into a running joke for years.



  9. Rorge
    November 13, 2007 4:39 pm

    Try feeding them poprocks (if they still make them). It’s hilarious.



  10. Jenn
    November 13, 2007 8:11 pm

    I love the fact that there were like ten of us who thought of you when we came across this article and HAD to tell you. Haha.

    One morning, I walked through Market Square and there was this older gentleman feeding them. I wanted to take the bag from him and run, but he probably would have commanded his pigeon forces after me.

    I’m all for the elimination of our unattractive feathered enemy.

    PG for Pigeon Czar ’08.



  11. Still A. Fan
    November 13, 2007 11:15 pm

    you know, i’ve driven between philly and the burgh about 200 times since 1991 and it just struck me last tuesday coming home from the game…

    wtf with that big red old barn with “world of pigeons” or “pigeon world” or “pigeon’s R us” painted on it? what the heck is that? do they sell homing birds? or is that homie birds? i swear when i return for christmas, i might have to stop in there on my way back to eastern PA. maybe they have all kinds of crazy shit…pigeon keychains, back scratchers, pens, magnets, posters, t-shirts, bumper stickers…etc.

    if pittgirl ever gets arrested for anything (stalking a steeler maybe?) the judge would be like ‘you have to work 100 hours at “world of pigeons”‘.



  12. Still A. Fan
    November 13, 2007 11:21 pm

    maybe they should partner up those pigeons (guys/gals) and give the females that one thing that lowers their sex drive……wedding cake.



  13. PittCheMBA
    November 13, 2007 11:44 pm

    Love the “Sunglasses of Justice” reference and the great Horatio Caine like one-liner.