- November 27, 2007
- filed under Ben Roethlisberger, Mike Tomlin, Steelers, The Damn Pigeons, Troy Polamalu, Weather
What the hell can you write about that game?
You can write about the comically bad to the point of being hilariously awesome turf, as Celizic did, writing:
There is no excuse — none — for the conditions the Pittsburgh Steelers provided for their game Monday Night against the Miami Dolphins. It was a travesty of football and an insult to the NFL, the players, the fans, and anyone who turned on a television in the hopes of enjoying Monday Night Football. It was a disgrace.
He didn’t stop there. No, he reached way down in the analogy barrel and came up with:
This game was to ugly what a can of Spaghetti-O’s is to dinner at Rao’s in New York. It was beyond ugly, beyond hideous, beyond unwatchable.
And I imagine there was licking of the chops as he wrote this one:
Nothing is more important to the game than the field. I can’t believe I even had to write that sentence, because it’s as obvious as a zit on a prom queen’s nose.
[slow, deliberate applause]
He sounds more pissed than a pigeon with no head to shit on.
1. That humming sound you hear is all of Steeler Nation repeating our mantra over and over today, “A win is a win.”
2. And that’s about it. You can’t properly critique or comment on the performance of a football team when said football team just played four quarters of football in five inches of mud.
I mean Baby Cici Donna was like up to his shins in mud!
3. Troy wasn’t playing. Santonio wasn’t playing. The offense wasn’t playing, other than Hines who should teach a class on how to hang on to the ball.
4. Ricky Williams played, got stepped on, cried, and left the game. Probably went to smoke some pot or something … allegedly.
5. It wouldn’t be Monday Night Football in the Burgh if the dumbasses in the booth didn’t get to point to our rivers and say “confluence” at least once. And say it they did.
6. Mike Tomlin had to rely on Jeff Skeeve Reed to put the only points on the board with 17 seconds left in the game. And good ole Skippy came through for us.
7. A 3-0 score is practically unheard of. I imagine a hundred years from now some Burghers will be mining the archives of the Post-Gazette, stumble upon this article and be all, “Oh my God. Back when we still had weather and pigeons, the Steelers won a game 3-0! Hilarious.”
8. I love to check out what the other teams are saying after they lose to the Steelers, and I want to leave you with this comment from a Miami fan, posted to the Miami Herald message board:
Leave the Dolphins alone. Why do you kick them when they are down? What if you lost your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. What is you got a call from the stock broker telling you that all of your life savings have been lost. Don’t you realize that this losing is only a temporary condition. … Would you get rid of your dog if it could no longer bark, or you cat if stops meowing. What will happen when you reach sixty-five and your wife is more instered in what comes on television than in sex? Will you then get rid of her? Oh,I know you say, “take her to the doctor!” There you find out that her heart is also bad and she can’t take the pills. How you solve this problem. I’m trying to find her a good heart doctor. I can’t cheat on her and I can’t leave her. So, I stuck with a wife I can’t_ _ _ _ _ and the worse football in history. My advise to you is to count your blessings, thing might be worse. Be thankful that the season for the Dolphins (mercifully) will soon be over.
I think I want that on a t-shirt.