What they’re really thinking: WTF? Edition

Really, WTF?

What the hell can you write about that game?

You can write about the comically bad to the point of being hilariously awesome turf, as Celizic did, writing:

There is no excuse — none — for the conditions the Pittsburgh Steelers provided for their game Monday Night against the Miami Dolphins. It was a travesty of football and an insult to the NFL, the players, the fans, and anyone who turned on a television in the hopes of enjoying Monday Night Football. It was a disgrace.

He didn’t stop there.  No, he reached way down in the analogy barrel  and came up with:

This game was to ugly what a can of Spaghetti-O’s is to dinner at Rao’s in New York. It was beyond ugly, beyond hideous, beyond unwatchable.

And I imagine there was licking of the chops as he wrote this one:

Nothing is more important to the game than the field. I can’t believe I even had to write that sentence, because it’s as obvious as a zit on a prom queen’s nose.

[slow, deliberate applause]

He sounds more pissed than a pigeon with no head to shit on.

1.  That humming sound you hear is all of Steeler Nation repeating our mantra over and over today, “A win is a win.”

2.   And that’s about it.  You can’t properly critique or comment on the performance of a football team when said football team just played four quarters of football in five inches of mud.

I mean Baby Cici Donna was like up to his shins in mud!

3.  Troy wasn’t playing.  Santonio wasn’t playing.  The offense wasn’t playing, other than Hines who should teach a class on how to hang on to the ball.

4.  Ricky Williams played, got stepped on, cried, and left the game.  Probably went to smoke some pot or something … allegedly.

5.  It wouldn’t be Monday Night Football in the Burgh if the dumbasses in the booth didn’t get to point to our rivers and say “confluence” at least once.  And say it they did.

6.  Mike Tomlin had to rely on Jeff Skeeve Reed to put the only points on the board with 17 seconds left in the game.  And good ole Skippy came through for us.

7.  A 3-0 score is practically unheard of.  I imagine a hundred years from now some Burghers will be mining the archives of the Post-Gazette, stumble upon this article and be all, “Oh my God.  Back when we still had weather and pigeons, the Steelers won a game 3-0!  Hilarious.”

8.  I love to check out what the other teams are saying after they lose to the Steelers, and I want to leave you with this comment from a Miami fan, posted to the Miami Herald message board:

Leave the Dolphins alone. Why do you kick them when they are down? What if you lost your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. What is you got a call from the stock broker telling you that all of your life savings have been lost. Don’t you realize that this losing is only a temporary condition. …  Would you get rid of your dog if it could no longer bark, or you cat if stops meowing. What will happen when you reach sixty-five and your wife is more instered in what comes on television than in sex? Will you then get rid of her? Oh,I know you say, “take her to the doctor!” There you find out that her heart is also bad and she can’t take the pills. How you solve this problem. I’m trying to find her a good heart doctor. I can’t cheat on her and I can’t leave her. So, I stuck with a wife I can’t_ _ _ _ _ and the worse football in history. My advise to you is to count your blessings, thing might be worse. Be thankful that the season for the Dolphins (mercifully) will soon be over.

I think I want that on a t-shirt.





20 Comments

  1. Stacey
    November 27, 2007 10:29 am

    Leave it to Pittgirl to make the most boring football game in history somewhat enjoyable. That was hilarious… Get that boy a slut – LOL



  2. BBM
    November 27, 2007 10:43 am

    You have to admire a fan that sticks by his team even when they just plain suck. THAT is dedication.

    And don’t forget, a win is a win. It would have been a better win if Heath Miller would have been worth 5 Fantasy points, not that I’m bitter or anything.



  3. NY Luvs Pitts
    November 27, 2007 11:00 am

    I rushed home from my rehearsal last night, driving 70 mph in the rain hoping to catch a glimps of my Steelers. I turned on my TV and saw the score was 0-0 and they only had about 13 minutes left in the game and I was like WTF??? Then I notice the slop they were playing in and was like WTF??? But thank God for good ol’ Jeff Reed. Say what you want about him, I think he is the most consistent player this team has (I’m beginning to like him). Anyway, a win IS a win. Plus I was glad to see Joey again. I don’t know, maybe I like thugs. I’ll see him again when he play against the Jets. What a game that will be. 2-9 against 0-11. Let’s see who’s the best of the worst.



  4. Megan
    November 27, 2007 11:35 am

    LMBO @ all the spelling errors in Miami article! “Instered”??? hahaha

    Great stuff today – and get that boy a slut! (too much)



  5. Julie_Gong
    November 27, 2007 1:16 pm

    I was there.

    The most exciting about the game was my hot dog.



  6. Funky Dung
    November 27, 2007 2:24 pm

    How freaking hard is it to grow decent grass?!? The career-threatening turf Philly had at Veterans Stadium (aka green concrete with seams that trip you) would have been better than that slop. How the hell a modern stadium was built with a shitty field that would embarrass even the poorest yokel highschool football team is beyond me.



  7. Steelman
    November 27, 2007 2:55 pm

    A WIN IS A WIN, A WIN IS A win, A WIN IS a win, A WIN is a win, A win is a win, A win is a win, a win is a win, So sad for Steeler nation……… GET IT TOGETHER STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  8. CaptiolMAN
    November 27, 2007 2:57 pm

    That was one of the most tense Steeler games all season. A 3-0 game might not excite the fantasy geeks and diehard yunzers who expect a 38-7 drubbing every week.

    Despite the score, the game was entertaining, which is what football is supposed to be. It was a tense, madcap two-and-a-half hours in which anything could have happened. Had the Dolphins won, but the Steelers had played the better game… well, perish the thought!

    That’s football.

    Yo, Funky Dung. The turf was a jelly sponge because it had been resodded two days prior to the MNF game. Supposedly, it had to be resodded because seven games had been played on it within the last eleven days.

    If you’d like sanitized football – with artificial grass and climate-controlled domes – move to Detroit. While no fan of European soccer, I do admire their committment to a natural playing surface.



  9. Woy
    November 27, 2007 3:24 pm

    Julie Gong – I was there too! Maybe I rubbed up against you and didn’t know it in the concourse.



  10. tw
    November 27, 2007 3:46 pm

    CapitolMAN I totally agree. That was an exciting game. I was on the edge of my seat the entire 60 minutes. They turned a seemingly boring beating into a “who knows what will happen” game. That game and the previous Pats/Eagles game made for a great football weekend…although it would have been even better had the stupid Pats lost.



  11. NY Luvs Pitts
    November 27, 2007 4:40 pm

    CapitolMAN I have to go home and watch it on my DVR tonight. I could imagine how entertaining it was. Watching those big strong men in spandex thrashing and rolling about in the mud. Oooooooooooooooooooo!!! I can’t wait to get home. Did someone turn up the heat in here??? Oh, it’s just me.



  12. Mis
    November 27, 2007 6:15 pm

    As I posted on http://www.steelcityslant.blogspot.com (check it out – it’s a great Steeler blog) – I really really REALLY think PennDot is responsible for the field. I cant think of any other explanation.



  13. bellgirl
    November 27, 2007 6:23 pm

    Chill out, all…would you rather have had a complete mud bath from a trampled, grassless field if they HADN’T resodded the field? I mean, really…perhaps Steeler Nation could have gone out and help up the tarps themselves.

    Besides, who won’t cherish the memory of punted balls sticking their landings in mud-suck?



  14. NoSide15212
    November 27, 2007 8:48 pm

    Celizic was the puss who always got a bloody nose in gym class.



  15. Still A Fan
    November 27, 2007 9:18 pm

    get that boy a slut…priceless. thanks for the plug, mis. i wonder if jeff reed got to plug someone (or something) last night?



  16. PittCheMBA
    November 27, 2007 9:52 pm

    The Rooneys are too stubborn to admit publicly that the field sucks!



  17. Funky Dung
    November 28, 2007 12:46 pm

    “If you’d like sanitized football – with artificial grass and climate-controlled domes – move to Detroit. While no fan of European soccer, I do admire their committment to a natural playing surface.”

    Apparently you missed the point I was trying to make, which is that a craptacular turf field beats a supposedly state-of-the-art grass field. I actually prefer grass fields, at least in principle, but Heinz Field’s grass seems to suck hard. I don’t think grass fields must/should be that poor.

    Also, I loathe domes. I hate that the Superbowl is always held in warm cities so that warm-city teams don’t freeze their overpaid pansy asses. Given the choice of a typical warm and/or domed Superbowl and playing on Heinz Field in the middle of swirling winds, pouring rain (or a blizzard), and grass that resembles a warzone, I’ll take Heinz Field because that’s how football should be played. You do the best you can with the conditions you’re faced with. Either you’re worth the millions you get for playing a gladiatorial game or you’re a pampered wuss in pads who can’t handle playing with the real men in real weather.

    But I digress.

    Grass and open fields are preferable, but that’s no excuse for sucking. Heinz Field is an embarrassment to the Steelers, Steelers fans, the city of Pittsburgh, the state of Pennsylvania, and the NFL.



  18. unsatisfied
    November 28, 2007 5:08 pm

    if the steelers had, like, a 3-game roadtrip and needed to replace the grass, I’m sure it would have been in much better shape than what they tried this week. with the short installation calendar and all of that friggin’ rain, that sod didn’t have a chance.

    if this had been back in the days before artificial turf, no one would have cared as much about this. but, since most other teams have fieldturf or some variation, the field this week looked that much worse.

    not saying that it wasn’t bad — seeing the miami punter stick that one punt like he was tiger woods on an approach shot was funny as hell. but, enough already about the turf.

    I’d really hate to see fieldturf replace the grass, but that’s probably what’s going to happen.



  19. Jmat
    November 28, 2007 7:58 pm

    The hell with the field conditions. That’s what 2 inches of rain will do to new sod. It’s football, Steelers football and that’s why we love it.

    What do the Steelers two shutouts this season have in common?

    Troysux didn’t play



  20. Funky Dung
    November 29, 2007 10:44 am

    Before the days of turf, were fields sodded or seeded? Perhaps the fundamental problem is the use of sod in the first place. I’m no landscaper, though, so that’s just a guess.