The WTFies.

Before we get to the Steelers on this fine, cold, windy, perfect Burgh morning, can we just take a minute here and talk about the pigeons?


1.  Reader Dwight sent me a link to this photo of what appears to be some pigeons taking up residence in an old air conditioning unit.  My first thought, I swear to God, was, “Does that mean if the AC turned on that the pigeons will be obliterated by the blades of a spinning fan?  And if so, AWESOME!”

2.   Reader Barb wrote:

I have an 11-month-old daughter, and we recently got some books out for her from the Mt. Lebo Library, and included was this one, which made me think of you. Looks like you need to come out with your own anti-pigeon board book line, to cultivate your minions among the baby and toddler set….

And I thought, “Wow.  Someone wrote a children’s book about pigeons?  I sure hope the title is, Why Satan made the pigeons and how to properly kill them without diseasing yourself.”

No.  No.  Some lunatic nutcase freak of nature went and wrote A WHOLE SERIES OF CHILDREN’S BOOKS ABOUT PIGEONS!

Not only is there (also available in Spanish!):

  • The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog
  • The Pigeon Loves Things That Go
  • Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late
  • Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus

There’s also:

Yes, kids.

The pigeon has feelings, too and those feelings are, “Come here you cute little kid and let me shit upon your hair.”

3.  And finally, reader and Facebook friend DW wrote about an occurrence at Mellon Park downtown:

I saw this happening outside after grabbing a latte and even interrupted my conversation with the following comment: “Oh my god, are they feeding PIGEONS?  PittGirl would have a coronary! OMFG that lady is letting them crawl all over her!!  Doesn’t she know they have diseases?! I have to document this and send it to PittGirl.  BRB.”

And the fun part about it is that when I approached those folks, I asked if they minded if I took some pictures, and all the damn pigeons flew away and the two standing against the wall feeding them said, “She spoke… they don’t recognize her voice.” And then they sighed heavily!  HEAVILY!  The nerve.

Brace yourselves for a serious case of the heebie jeebies and the “WTFies.”

It can’t be said enough — may God have mercy on their souls.


  1. cityworker
    December 3, 2007 12:33 pm

    i have don’t let the pigeon drive the bus. it is actually not that bad of a book for children.

  2. Christina
    December 3, 2007 12:40 pm

    There is also, now, a talking plush pigeon. When you squeeze it, it says “I want to drive the bus!” I already bought it for my nephew for Christmas.

    Mo Willems, the author of the pigeon books, was in town last month to speak in the Pittsburgh Arts and Lectures series; you missed your chance to sic the anti-pigeon hordes on him.

  3. unsatisfied
    December 3, 2007 1:12 pm

    “WTFies” — that should be the name of an award. if there were an award show for it, I’d actually watch.

  4. Green Tree and Bored
    December 3, 2007 1:32 pm

    Pitt Girl, I was so excited to see your thoughts on the Steelers game…but it was all about those darn pigeons.

    There aren’t any pigeons in Green Tree but in Scott Township they seem to can’t get rid of the geese. All 15 of them, too.

  5. Jen
    December 3, 2007 2:14 pm

    Seriously Mellon Park needs something done with the pigeons. One of my friends laughed when I told him about having at least 100 pigeons flying around while I’m just trying to eat my lunch. Every day some other crazy idiot decided it was a good idea to dump an entire big bag of chips or something in the middle of the park! WTF?

  6. NY Luvs Pitts
    December 3, 2007 4:27 pm

    THIS IS SICK!!!!!

  7. Heavy T
    December 3, 2007 7:49 pm

    Why is that person wearing chaps? Perhaps wanting to checkout the pigeons before heading to the S&M convention

  8. scottie
    December 4, 2007 9:28 pm

    The other day, there were a line of about 20 pigeons in front of Benedum with their heads down. I didn’t know what they were doing until I almost stepped on a freshly killed one on the street. My smile was a prime example of schadenfreude.

  9. apostles03
    December 5, 2007 7:32 am

    That sort of reminds me of the old horror flick, “Willard”.