What they’re really thinking: Yay!/Damn it! Edition

What a game!

Sitting out there in the cold, crappy rain, soaked to the skin and wearing a big smile on my face.

I’m totally lying.

Sit in that shit? Absolutely not. Especially not when I’ve got a brand new LCD TV above my fireplace beckoning with its warm pixels, my coffee pot beckoning me with its warm percolation and my couch beckoning me with it warm warminess.

Yes, PittGirl was staying in and suffering from Fantasy Football Dichotomy without worrying about getting killed. There were plenty of plays where I jumped up and down screaming for joy because the Steelers converted on a third down, and then I immediately realized how poorly that bode for my fantasy team, and then I was all, “Damn it!”

Onward:

1. Let’s start with Benny’s gorgeous rushing touchdown. (Yay!/Damn IT!!)

You know I love/hate that boy, but when he gets his Chewie on and decides to get a TD, it is a thing of beauty. Watch it again here. (h/t NY Luvs Pitts)

Evading a tackle, looking, looking, evading another tackle, looking, running and then just, SCREW THIS SHIT and away he goes with his bad self.

Love/hate scale is tipping a bit to the love side. However, the first quarter, with his high passes, his interception, and his whining about the rain and the ball and OMG IT IS ONLY RAINING ON MEEEEE!, I was kind of hating him.

Then he manned up and did his job and did it well. He also was able to do his job well because apparently the offensive line woke up from that two week nap they’ve been having. Faneca particularly was looking very sharp.

2. I was sad that I wasn’t on hand to witness Hines Ward break the franchise TD reception record, smiling the whole time he was doing it. But yeah, Al and John, I agree. Who ARE these people Hines says have been saying he couldn’t break the record? They’re not from around this confluence (ding!).

3. Carson Palmer and TJ Housh!? You are dead to me. DEAD! Your worthless asses are SO benched.

4. Al and Dan waited until the fourth quarter to drop confluence on us and then they were sure to do the obligatory “Pri-mahn-tees” shot. It was at this point that sister of PittGirl called me all, “Did you HEAR that? WTF?” (also h/t to Still A. Fan)

5. Willie Parker. Wow. Have we been spoiled by Jerome Bettis and his vice vise-like grip on the ball, or what?! I am not used to cringing every time the running back has the ball and boy, that last fumble? I saw that one coming way before he let go of it. Even Benny looked like he lost a little confidence in him.

Did you guys hear that guy call into DVE this morning saying, “Hey, so he had a bad day. Everyone has a bad day at the office occasionally.”

That’s because we won. Had we lost that guy would have called in and said, “May a flock of pigeons peck the eyeballs out of Willie Parker’s skull!”

It was nice to see Benny and Coach Tomlin trying to help him out though.

6. From a Cincinatti Enquirer article.

“Pittsburgh is home to nasty, horrible, classless fans – which makes an away win on their (field) even sweeter,” Sharonville resident Jason Diegmueller said in an e-mail. “I never had more F-bombs lobbed at me in a three-hour period as I did last year in Heinz Field, and I’ve never felt more threatened (physically) as when I’m in the men’s room there. Why do it again? Because there’s just something exciting about representing your team on the road. We wear our Bengals jerseys proudly, an out-of-place orange in a sea of yellow and black.”

Wah. Wah. Wah.

Steelers fans rock.

7. Finally, for months now readers have been emailing me about the frequency with which Mike Tomlin says “move forward” and wondering if I’m going to do something about it. Here’s the thing, in his last four press conferences alone, he has said “move forward” a total of 15 times.

Dudes. My goal is to give you an occasional guilt-free drink, NOT to pickle you.

I bet that’s a euphemism and I’m just not cool enough to know it.

(h/t Steve for the Calvin picture)





24 Comments

  1. PittCheMBA
    December 3, 2007 7:13 pm

    #5. Craig Wolfley, the sideline radio reporter, and former Steeler, said a source informed him that Fast Willie Parker (FWP), was asked to change his synthetic gloves to leather gloves. After the change in gloves, FWP did not have another fumble the rest of the game.



  2. Sean
    December 3, 2007 8:41 pm

    I’ve attended several Steelers-Bengals games in Cincy, and the fans are much worse there than what this guy is talking about. I’m guessing that this guy was drunk and started it.



  3. gretchen
    December 3, 2007 9:30 pm

    4. Uh, yeah. Did you hear John Madden say to Doucheface Al, “Would you ever eat one of those things?” (as if Primanti’s serves diseased pigeon sandwiches, not delicious drunk food goodness) and there was a pause and Doucheface Al said, “Uh … no.” GOOD. Get the fuck out. I don’t want you near our confluence anymore. Ass.



  4. mis
    December 3, 2007 9:38 pm

    I also have a love/hate relationship with Benny but I still lean to the hate side. For the sake of the team I hope he turns out to be the greatest QB in the history of the game, but as a person – well, you know, him with his direct pipeline to God and all…..
    Love the ‘playing for Jesus’ bit.
    Absolutely love it!



  5. Dan
    December 3, 2007 9:51 pm

    4. When the Pri-mahn-tees was said, I swore I could hear 100,000 Burghers say in unison “Its PriMANtes you jagoff”



  6. DeutschtownFrau
    December 3, 2007 9:55 pm

    Wow “mis” — ya gotta hate on Benny ’cause of his religion? The PFJ thing was just his little private reminder till the NFL made a big frickin’ deal out of it. So weird that you’d mock that as a “direct pipeline”… Looks like it’s more your problem than his.

    Al Michaels wasn’t on my radar till, during our run to the SuperBowl, he started making repeated references to “the Bronco Nation.” What an arse.



  7. Goob
    December 3, 2007 11:18 pm

    So, this time out you managed to elicit three grins, eight honest laughs, two snorts and a chortle. My upholstery is thankful I don’t have a mug of something at the moment. Or a seltzer bottle for that matter (but then, that’s usually true).

    I was pleased to see the front four shake their shaggy heads, glint their eyes, and go a’stomping (finally). I was pleased to see the defense -swarming- (after that first drive, anyway) – if they keep that up, I’m a little nervous about how silly it might get if Polamalu gets back on the field in good shape.

    The fumbling was no fun, except for the part about how I now gotta go and drop ten bucks on a copy of the official rules just so I can bloody understand when the hell someone is not down, somewhat down, actually down, reviewably down, or totally down. With that.

    I do not completely fear next week.



  8. NY Luvs Pitts
    December 3, 2007 11:28 pm

    By the end of this season you will all love Benny!!!



  9. still a fan
    December 4, 2007 8:54 am

    benny did actually point to the heavens as he was walking the sidelines moments before the game started. i think he’s pointing to his college coach, or so i’ve been told.

    also: that bungles fan doesnt know much of what he speaks. he should try going to a game in philly! i’ve been to several away games all in my gear and i rarely run into any trouble. if you just wear your stuff and keep your mouth shut – nobody even notices. my cousin is a long time colts fan and he went with me to the MNF game back in 2002 where bradshaw came back and they did a little thing at halftime for him… my cousin wore his colts gear sitting right beside me up in 529 and the only thing that was said to him the entire night wasn’t even said to him….a guy looked at me and said “what did you bring him for?”. after the steelers CRUSHED the colts, we then rode the clipper over to the station square sheraton along with 200 other drunk steeler fans. nobody said a word to him. true, he was obviously with a steelers fan, but still….to the drunkards on the raft in that mass of humanity…they didn’t know who he was with.



  10. Anon
    December 4, 2007 9:09 am

    He points and prays to his Birth Mother who died when he was very young. Make you feel bad for mocking him?



  11. Schultz
    December 4, 2007 9:23 am

    I went to bed after the third quarter feeling like a fool because I made my wife (who hates football…yes, I know: BLASPHEMY!) watch the game to hear the word “confluence”.

    Damn them for waiting until the 4th quarter!



  12. bucdaddy
    December 4, 2007 9:48 am

    I know the Steelers win lots and the Pirates suck balls, but really: A cold beer in the warm summer sunshine, wearing shorts and a T-shirt, vs. sitting in crap in early December with only your eyeballs showing and your mug of coffee between your thighs in a futile attempt to keep them warm … yeah, I’ll take football any day (rolls eyes).

    Next …



  13. bucdaddy
    December 4, 2007 9:52 am

    Oh yeah … “vice-like grip” = Freudian slip somehow? Hmmm, what’s illegal that you can do with your grip? Hmmm ….



  14. SCsteeler
    December 4, 2007 10:25 am

    Did anyone see the shot of Polamalu sitting on the sidelines eating peanuts or something like he was just just another fan watching the game from the stands?? I wish I could find a picture. It was hilarious. Hopefully he sat through his whole 4 hour church service on Sunday praying to God that he will be able to play against the Patriots. WE NEED YOU!!!



  15. mis
    December 4, 2007 1:09 pm

    He points to Jesus AND his college coach AND his mother. All 3.
    Maybe they are the trinity……….I dont know.
    But it is annoying and pretentious.
    He even pointed to the heavens when Jeff Reed kicked the winning field goal against Miami.
    I guess Ben had some kind of control over that.

    So, now I am going to go prepare lunch and if it turns out great and I do a fantastic job I am going to point to my Pap.



  16. SportyGal85
    December 4, 2007 1:47 pm

    Damn, mis, are you out Wellbutrin? It’s not that serious. The only complaint I have is that they show it every time he does it, which almost makes you wonder what’s up when he doesn’t point. If he’s upfront about his faith, that cool with me; if he likes it, I love it.

    What I was upset about was him bitching about the rain like a woman who just left the hair stylist. He actually made me respect Carson Palmer, who absolutely refused to whine about weather during the production meetings no matter Al and John tried to get him to.



  17. unsatisfied
    December 4, 2007 4:59 pm

    every time we score, I think, “get that boy a slut.”

    see what you’ve started, PG?

    as for your fantasy WR housh — he’s a bitch. does he not realize that he’s probably not doing himself any favors making the “throw your flag, ref, the defender was within 10 feet of my personal space” move every time the ball was thrown to him. just shut up and play ball.

    as for jason diegmueller — he got off easy. when you wear your jersey to a game not in your team’s stadium, you’re going to get trouble. if you can’t take it, don’t go. or, be a puss and don’t wear your team’s colors and cheer for your team to yourself. and, turn your cohones in and grab a skirt.



  18. steveg
    December 4, 2007 5:01 pm

    Gee, so ‘mis’ doesnt like like Benny being showy –
    she isn’t complaining about his faith – just his grandstanding about it.

    At least we all will be watching to see if Benny does any pointing this week.
    And yes, the whining annoys us all.



  19. Uniontown ROCKS
    December 4, 2007 5:20 pm

    Pointing, not pointing. JUST WIN BABY.
    Gawd



  20. Steelman
    December 4, 2007 10:49 pm

    Some random thoughts about the Steelers. If I am not mistaken the Steelers have won every game this year when Troy was on the sidelines. Probably just a coincidence but makes you wonder.

    I love Coach Tomlin and his coolness under fire. In a few years we might be saying, “Cowher, who?” But I have a pet peeve. This may be attributed to my hearing impairment, but I think he says “dat” instead of “that” when I listen to post game interviews, etc. It bugs the crap out of me. I know we Burghers speak funny, but the “dat” has got to go. I’m sure he is a very bright person, but “dat” just sends the wrong message. I will apologize now if he has a speech impediment. I don’t expect him to talk like an English professor but when Michael Irvin sounds better than Coach Tomlin, there is much room for improvement.

    I still love ya Coach. Just some constructive criticism. But if the Steelers keep winning, dat will be fine with me.



  21. SportyGal85
    December 5, 2007 8:42 am

    I’m pretty sure he is indeed saying “that”. I think it’s just the tone of voice or his accent. He has kind of a rough undertone in his voice that makes it a little tough to understand him at times, but from what I’ve heard he does enunciate everything correctly. Plus, he was an assistant coach and not for very long at that, so, it’s not like he’s had much experience on the mic.



  22. unsatisfied
    December 5, 2007 8:42 am

    steelman — you’re busting coach t over “dat”? really???

    I’ll take that any day of the week and twice on sunday over trying to figure out just what the fug shannon sharpe is trying to say on that CBS pre-game show. you basically need a translator who speaks snoop dogg for him.



  23. Dee
    December 5, 2007 10:00 am

    unsatisfied AMEN, Every time I watch the pre-game show when Shannon Sharpe is done talking I think WHAT DID THAT MAN JUST SAY??????????? Thank God its not just me.



  24. B
    December 7, 2007 12:57 am

    I was quite pissed that Mr. B. Ro was bitching so much about the rain. Palmer was like, “whatev”. Sporty’s right on. Seriously–I’m black and rain to a black woman’s hair is the equivalent of kryptonite to Superman–the shit is damn near lethal and I haven’t ever whined about it like he did. But he deservers props–Ben played a pretty damn good game when you get down to it. Oh, and I saw the shot of Troy eating looking like a spectator. Priceless. Almost as good as that NCAA basketball game when one camera totally zoomed in on one of the players sitting on the bench eating popcorn. Hilarious.