2. He just wants someone that will smile when he splits his pants, that’s all. Really, ladies, why don’t more of us smile when men split their pants? I’m going to work on that.
3. December 8, you might want to avoid the fountain at the South Side Works because there will be taking place Santarcy Pittsburgh 2007. WHAT?!?! is right.
4. He’s only willing to take you if you have a few unwanted pounds. “BUT JUST A FEW!” This is because he’s so very ripped and buff and his muscles are so sharp they will cut you.
5. This retired guy will run your downtown errands for you, provided he can hop the bus for free, yo.
6. “Please ‘deem me needed’ today!” Now, keep in mind, you can be a 32/34 C, D, or DD if you are unexceptional. He will however take you as a 36 DD if you are exceptional. What an exceptional asshole.
7. First of all, is that a leech on his face? Second of all, I can’t tell you how regularly I hear the la la la laddddiieeeessss all “Man, I would LOVE to find me a badass! Where have all the badasses gone?”