What they’re really thinking: Guaranteed Edition

All the things you would have heard had you been in the room with PittGirl’s family while the Steelers got spanked by the Patriots:

  • Why does Benny have to pray RIGHT before the game? So the whole stadium can watch him?
  • He jumped! Did you see that guy jump the snap?! Where’s the flag?!
  • Wow. I have never seen Mike Tomlin show that much emotion.
  • You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you need to puke? That’s how I feel when I look at Tom Brady.
  • That’s how I feel when I look at Bill Belichick.
  • That’s how I feel when I look at a pigeon.
  • Wide open. Again.
  • Oh my God, I hate Tom Brady.
  • This is a joke.
  • Miami needs to just put balls to the wall and beat these jackasses. (said sister of PittGirl)
  • It’s a conspiracy. The NFL wants the Patriots to have a perfect season. It was the same thing with the tuck rule.

1. Perfect rainy weather this morning in honor of a perfectly horrible showing by the Steelers last night. Even the pigeons are depressed. Right before I ripped the head off of one today it said, “Thank you, PittGirl. I don’t want to live anymore.”

2. Let’s start with the good. Um. Davenport had a touchdown reception, so that’s something right?

3. Let’s see here. Benny was not intercepted, so yay! Benny.

4. Skippy Skeeve did his job of getting field goals. For all of his faults and vices, the boy sure is consistent. Even Tom Brady is impressed with him.

5. Willie Parker lost the slippery sleeves and was back to his usual 100 yards + .

6. And that’s about it. The Asshat was nowhere to be found after making one measly catch. The defense couldn’t seem to get anywhere near The Death Angel. And Satan? Don’t even get me started on how much I hate him for his stupid perfect team.

7. Let’s talk Anthony Smith. You can argue that his little “guarantee” was just some careless words and that they didn’t really impact the game. But that argument is a steaming pile of poop in your closet (h/t The Defecator).

Those words not only gave motivation to the Patriots, but they also gave the Patriots a target and Anthony did no favors to the team by painting a big bullseye on his ass.

Someone needs to teach Anthony Smith the definition of guarantee, because I don’t believe he understands the meaning of the word.

You guys, I’m pretty sure my grandmother had those same earrings.

8. I understand Mike Tomlin is pissed off at him, too.


9. You must believe that the two Pats touchdowns scored on Smith’s coverage were not accidental. No, Brady was teaching Anthony a lesson and apparently Tom Brady has a Ph.D. in “Don’t Bet Against Tom Brady, Bitch.”

Don’t believe me?

So, what do you think, Pats fans? Was Brady picking Smith to pieces yesterday for no reason other than to illustrate that he reads the sports section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette first thing every morning?

Or was it, well, you know, a coincidence?

It wasn’t the answer that Brady provided that’s of interest here, but, rather, the prolonged laughter that followed it.

He said only that Smith “ended up being in the right place at the last time,” and then he laughed. And laughed again. When the media hordes picked up on the cue and joined in on the laughing, Brady laughed some more.

So, yeah, Brady made it his business yesterday to pick apart Anthony Smith.

They’re loving Anthony Smith over there in Boston today, as this Boston Herald poll shows:

10. Here’s a little something to get you all good and riled up and ripping pigeon heads off:

How Do They Have Jobs?
The Steelers are a conglomeration of dirty players and poor sports.

The bile. It rises.

11. Ending the post on two positive notes:

A. I’d much rather lose to the Patriots during the regular season than during, say, the POST-season.

B. Look! Some Mexicans!


*”Well, thank God we’re drunk!”


  1. Dee
    December 10, 2007 10:36 am

    Good post Pitt Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I saw Anthony Smith on the street today I would have to beat the crap out of him.

  2. jay
    December 10, 2007 10:37 am

    yes, you can only grow to hate the Patriots. and all things boston. hell, lets set a good example to the world by disposing of all of our weapons of mass destruction- with Gillette Stadium as ground zero.
    oh, and anthony smith should be thrown into the smoldering fire of radioactivity. he just stinks and cant cover pittgirl’s grandmother- wait, maybe he mugged her for that lovely jewelry.

  3. NY Luvs Pitts
    December 10, 2007 10:51 am

    I truly believe the NFL want the Patriots to have a perfect season. I hope Miami beat the crap out of them. I HATE THOSE CHEATING PATRIOTS!!!!!

  4. mis
    December 10, 2007 10:59 am

    Troy! Come back Troy!!!
    That is all I want for Christmas.

  5. jeeperz
    December 10, 2007 11:00 am

    good post PittGirl. I practically spit my coffee on the screen with the pic of Breedy’s comment of Jeff Reed…in fact…I Anthony Smith guarantee it…I think we have a new nomination to the Asshat Society

    I was hoping to see a least a sack…heck I would have paid for at least a late hit on him….oh well…hopefully we hang onto the division and maybe lose to them in the Championship game…again

  6. Chris
    December 10, 2007 11:00 am

    Can anybody remember a time when Santonio Homes did not catch a pass without immediately bitching about pass interference. Guy needs to get over it. You’re uber-talented, man, but just cause you don’t come up with the ball doesn’t mean you’re getting cheated.

  7. Jmat
    December 10, 2007 11:05 am

    At least Troysux wasn’t on the field to miss his usual 25 tackles or be nowhere near the ball.

  8. Me
    December 10, 2007 11:18 am

    Man, I’m really beginning to believe that Tom Brady did actually sell his soul to the devil. Or maybe it was Bellicheat. Anyway, the Pats*** are just too good. It doesn’t seem like they are human.

  9. bucdaddy
    December 10, 2007 11:34 am

    I don’t suppose the Patriots kicked the stuffing out of the Steelers not because of anything Anthony Smith said but because the team the Pats put on the field was, you know, a whole freakin’ lot better than the team the Steelers put on the field? Nah, that couldn’t be it.

    I imagine Brady laughed not because he was outted for picking on Smith because of the guarantee, but because he thought, “You morons. You think I’m NOT going to pick on a backup safety?” If a team that good needs a backup safety shooting his mouth off for motivation … well, I just wouldn’t know what to think of that.

    Me, I hope the Pats go 19-0 and the Dolphins go 0-16, just cause I like the symmetry of that for those ’72 Dolphins guys and their annual champagne party.

  10. Zsa
    December 10, 2007 12:04 pm

    Patriot hate…has it overtaken 1970s Cowboys hate? I’m thinking so. At least Tom Landry was styling with the suit and hat instead of lumbering around on the sidelines looking like a big blue Michelin man.

  11. DW
    December 10, 2007 1:31 pm

    Yeah, well all of us up here in wonderful Armstrong Cable Company territory (I’m in Cranberry) lost cable during the first half of the game!! It was out for at least a quarter plus and people were freaking out. They still can’t/won’t say why it went out.
    My only problem was the part of the game when we were still in it was missed…it came back in time for the blow-out.

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  13. lolo
    December 10, 2007 4:18 pm

    It’s amazing that the media (local and national) are always able to whip the public into such a frenzy over these games.

    I’m waiting for Fox Sports or ESPN to have teams meet the day before the game for a verbal throwdown a la prize fighters before a fight.

    The Steelers are dirty players? Oh my. If the Steelers are dirty players, hoo boy, then the rest of the NFL is downright criminal.

  14. Puma
    December 10, 2007 5:02 pm

    For the rest of his life, Anthony Smith will hear 70,000 Patriots fans chanting “GUARANTEE” in his nightmares. We’ve all said alot of stupid stuff in our lives, but try having a stadium full of people stuff those words back in your face.

    Maybe it’s just the anger of the loss talking, but I’m really OK with this. Blatantly stupid acts should have consequences.

    Good luck living with that memory Anthony. The night terrors and bedwetting should stop soon. You may also want to ask Willie Parker if the Rubber Sleeves store carries bedsheets.

  15. Trish
    December 10, 2007 8:02 pm

    I have a plan, tell me if you like it:

    1. Remove all people I love and their loved ones from the Greater New England Area (for some odd reason I have a lot of friends there).
    2. Nuke it from orbit.
    3. Take special care to move Bill Belichick and Tom Brady just far enough out so that they won’t die in the initial blast, but instead die slowly and painfully from radiation poisoning.
    4. Laugh while they do.

    Yes, I hate the Patriots and the Massholes that much.

  16. Lauren
    December 11, 2007 8:56 am

    Um, is it just me, or does the “Mexican” guy on the right bear a resemblance to Ed Rendell?

  17. Stephanique1
    December 11, 2007 1:53 pm

    NICE call Lauren. I also see a little Joey Buttafucco in that Ed Rendell lookalike as well…

  18. Half Baked on the Half Shel
    December 12, 2007 3:36 pm

    Huh. Thought it looked like Tommy Ridge myself.