Three Pigeons. A true story.

A scene on Liberty Avenue, in front of Jimmy John’s, early afternoon, as witnessed by PittGirl and imagined by PittGirl:

Pigeon Mikey,Pigeon Louie and Pigeon Charlie:

[singing loudly while strolling purposefully

down the sidewalk heading toward Gateway Center]

 

Well, you can tell by the way we use our walk …

 

Pigeon Mikey:

Ah, it’s a good day to walk our street.

 

Pigeon Louie:

Our street?

 

Pigeon Mikey:

We rule this street, man.

Look, look.

See that girl on the bike going to make deliveries for Jimmy John’s?

 

Pigeon Charlie:

She’s hot. And blonde. I love to shit on blonde hair. Be right back.

 

Pigeon Mikey:

No. Wait. Wait! Watch this.

Boo!

 

Pigeon Louie:

HA-HAH! Did you see her trying to maneuver around you all “EEEK!”

 

Pigeon Charlie:

That made me feel good to see.

 

Pigeon Mikey:

See what I mean? The humans. They are so afraid of us, always jumping out of our way. Trust me, you play chicken with a human, you are going to win that game, my friend.

 

Pigeon Louie:

Except PittGirl. PittGirl will punch your face in if you play chicken with her.

 

Pigeon Charlie:

Louie —

 

Pigeon Mikey:

Did you dare speak PittGirl’s name?! If you ever see a human kick a pigeon, that’s PittGirl’s influence. If you ever have a car refuse to go around you while you eat a Big Mac on the road — PittGirl! If a human ever looks at you and screams, “In the name of Jesus Christ be gone, you demon!” — PITTGIRL!

 

Pigeon Charlie:

Yeah! Man, I’d love to shit on PittGirl’s head.  Such a bitch.

 

Pigeon Mikey:

Not only that —

 

[BAM!]

 

Pigeon Charlie:

Ack!!! What was that?!  Mikey, Mikey?!

You okay? Why you laying on the sidewalk, dude?!

 

Pigeon Louie:

Kids! Human kids are swinging backpacks at us!

 

Pigeon Mikey:

Fly. Fly! Fly you fat fu–

 

Damn you, PittGirl! [echoing]

 

Epilogue:

There was a huge chunk of my soul that wanted to go up to that girl and tell her to cowgirl the hell up and run the bastard over next time.  And there was a huge chunk of my soul that wanted to go up to those three backpack-wielding boys of about 11-years-old, give them each a big hug and tell them that they have wonderful futures ahead of them.

 

 





4 Comments

  1. still a fan
    December 20, 2007 11:09 am

    dude,

    with the writer’s strike on – you have a career in hollywood.

    good stuff!



  2. chrys
    December 20, 2007 1:31 pm

    I think I will have to find a few backpack weilding children.. I have a pigeon hanging out on my roof for a couple weeks now. When my husband leaves for work in the morning he gets “buzzed” by the little bastard. Even my 7 yr old is a little scared of the rat with wings.



  3. Arika
    December 20, 2007 3:09 pm

    I’d love to see that made into a cartoon… maybe a PIXAR short film?? HA! I can see it now…. it would go a little something like this– http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd228/nilnur/?action=view&current=PixarsForTheBirds.flv

    Arika.
    PS- That’s my favorite short film of PIXAR’s.



  4. LMax
    December 20, 2007 5:01 pm

    I “Stumbled” on this today and thought of you, PittGirl! I’ve seen it before, but for some reason it just stuck with me today. Ugh…

    http://postworthy.com/Worthy/ex/Merry_Christmas_To_All_My_Friends/23.aspx