A scene on Liberty Avenue, in front of Jimmy John’s, early afternoon, as witnessed by PittGirl and imagined by PittGirl:
Pigeon Mikey,Pigeon Louie and Pigeon Charlie:
[singing loudly while strolling purposefully
down the sidewalk heading toward Gateway Center]
Well, you can tell by the way we use our walk …
Ah, it’s a good day to walk our street.
We rule this street, man.
See that girl on the bike going to make deliveries for Jimmy John’s?
She’s hot. And blonde. I love to shit on blonde hair. Be right back.
No. Wait. Wait! Watch this.
HA-HAH! Did you see her trying to maneuver around you all “EEEK!”
That made me feel good to see.
See what I mean? The humans. They are so afraid of us, always jumping out of our way. Trust me, you play chicken with a human, you are going to win that game, my friend.
Except PittGirl. PittGirl will punch your face in if you play chicken with her.
Did you dare speak PittGirl’s name?! If you ever see a human kick a pigeon, that’s PittGirl’s influence. If you ever have a car refuse to go around you while you eat a Big Mac on the road — PittGirl! If a human ever looks at you and screams, “In the name of Jesus Christ be gone, you demon!” — PITTGIRL!
Yeah! Man, I’d love to shit on PittGirl’s head. Such a bitch.
Not only that —
Ack!!! What was that?! Mikey, Mikey?!
You okay? Why you laying on the sidewalk, dude?!
Kids! Human kids are swinging backpacks at us!
Fly. Fly! Fly you fat fu–
Damn you, PittGirl! [echoing]
There was a huge chunk of my soul that wanted to go up to that girl and tell her to cowgirl the hell up and run the bastard over next time. And there was a huge chunk of my soul that wanted to go up to those three backpack-wielding boys of about 11-years-old, give them each a big hug and tell them that they have wonderful futures ahead of them.