Scaife vs. Scaife dingdingding Round Two

Firstly, if you are a new reader, go here to get some background on what the hell has been going on with these two nutjobs.

Reader Kimly P informed me of this Vanity Fair article about the Scaifes entitled “A Vast Right-Wing Hypocrisy.”  Vanity Fair managed to get both Ritchie Scaife and Richard Scaife to sit down separately for candid interviews.

Vanity Fair dove head first into the mucky sea of the Scaife divorce and came up with these gold nuggets of treasure:

  • The 60-year-old socialite spent that night—three days before Christmas—in a holding cell at the Allegheny County Jail, where her fellow prisoners passed the time by petting the fur collar of her coat.

I sure hope they were all, “Preciousssss.  My preciousssssssss.”

  • Ritchie described a marriage that swung between emotional extremes, from the days when “I always called him ‘my snuggle bunny’ … and he called me his ‘precious’ ” to the public embarrassments brought on by their breakup, which she compares to “the tortures of the damned.”

When I think of calling Richard Scaife a “snuggle bunny” I kind of want to vomit.

  • His favorite characters on The Simpsons, he says, are Marge’s cynical and trashy sisters, Patty and Selma, “because they remind me of Ritchie”

Hah!  Funny old bastard.

  • Her face is elegant but elastic, often stretching into imitations of the people she talks about.

Ooooh.  I bet that is the line that is going to piss Ritchie off the most in the entire article.

  • Then one day she came to his office, soliciting for a charity; he couldn’t take his eyes off her white angora sweater. That afternoon, he adds with a wink, “we did what comes naturally.”


  • When Dick and Ritchie visited him at Deerfield Academy, David claims, Ritchie brought pot for them to smoke together, and his father bought him alcohol.

Step-mother and father of the year!

  • “To take marijuana to a child? To a prep school?,” Ritchie marvels, when asked about the story. “Never,” she declares, her petite hands holding one another in her lap. “And how dare anyone even make a comment like that?”

She totally did it.

  • Dick and Ritchie’s relationship remained outrageously volatile; Ritchie once kicked Dick in the crotch, according to a friend, and his testicles swelled to such a size that he had to be taken to the emergency room.

I’d like to kick both of these wackos in the crotch-area.

  • In 1987, according to Dick, the two went to the Betty Ford Center together. He calls his estranged wife “a total pill popper,” who had to be taken to “the loony bin” after a suicide attempt.

I totally believe him.

  • For the reception, at Ligonier’s Rolling Rock Club, the new wife surprised her husband, a fireworks aficionado, by hiring Zambelli, which is responsible for the July Fourth shows on the Mall in Washington, to create a blazing sign on the lawn that proclaimed, in sparkling letters, ritchie loves dick. Even today, a certain set of Pittsburgh women, including wives of some of the country’s most brass-knuckled industrialists, speak of Ritchie’s flaming double entendre as among the most shocking moments of their lives.

  • During that time, Ritchie says, her voice distant and soft, Dick also “liked to watch trolley videos … just trolleys …a trolley car, going down the road, for hours.”

Dick sounds like he could use a trip to the loony bin, too.

  • These are high-decibel events—such as the afternoon on Nantucket when she allegedly warned the staff that she would walk into the ocean if a misplaced set of winter slipcovers for the summer furniture wasn’t located right now.

Question.  WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST LET HER WALK INTO THE OCEAN?!!?  I’d have been all, “Let me get the door for you, madam.  Have a happy drowning!”

  •  On this day, Sara says, Ritchie was drunk and dropped all pretense of discretion when they found themselves alone. “It was literally like I’m showing her, like, a china pattern or something, and then she just turned on me with ‘And, by the way, you’re a nobody from nowhere,’ berating me and yelling at me.”


  •  Ritchie’s next reported legal entanglement came when Vasco’s daughter filed a criminal-harassment complaint, which has also been dismissed, after finding a note in her mailbox that said, according to Dick, “God will get you” and “All whores go to hell.”


  • “My first marriage ended with an affair,” he says, amused. And monogamy is not, he continues, an essential part of a good marriage. “I don’t want people throwing rocks at me in the street. But I believe in open marriage.” Philandering, Scaife says with a laugh, “is something that Bill Clinton and I have in common.”

He really shouldn’t be giving us ideas about throwing rocks at him.

  • Ritchie says, “Because dignity’s very important to me.”


The entire article is pretty much a he said/she said deal.  Dick accuses and Ritchie denies.

It’s hard to know who’s telling the truth, but I think I’ve read between the lines enough to come to one absolutely undeniable conclusion.

They’re both self-centered, materialistic, conniving, lying pieces of crap that deserve to have large rocks thrown at them.

That’s church.


  1. honda driver
    January 3, 2008 10:50 am

    Amazing article. Holy heck, I didn’t realize Ritchie has such a long name. Sounds like a new drink from Starbucks. I’ll have a ‘Margaret Ritchie Rhea Battle Scaife’ latte. Maybe the Vanity Fair article will launch our town into another top ten list…top ten most ridiculous divorces.

  2. jason
    January 3, 2008 12:16 pm

    if they didnt have money, this post could be material from the “jerry springer” show.
    to have so much money and not change the world somehow is very sad.

  3. Me
    January 3, 2008 12:38 pm

    Wow. Jason is right. They are like rich trailer trash –without the trailer, of course.

  4. BagitTagit
    January 3, 2008 12:55 pm


    They still make the Tribune Review???

  5. Chuck
    January 3, 2008 3:22 pm

    Ritchie loves Dick

    Classic…Just classic!!!!

  6. chrys
    January 3, 2008 10:19 pm

    “The 60-year-old socialite spent that night—three days before Christmas—in a holding cell at the Allegheny County Jail, where her fellow prisoners passed the time by petting the fur collar of her coat.”

    LOL!! Holy shit! I may never get that image out of my head!! BRILLIANT!!!

  7. JamieO
    January 4, 2008 10:05 am

    I can just see Richard and Joe Hardy at the Duquesne Club, telling dick jokes in the dining room to the horror of other members….