I’m Stupidhead. That’s Doofus.

Do you feel like getting pissed?

‘Cause you’re about to.

Wait. Scratch that. You’re not just going to get pissed; you’re going to get pissed as all get out.

Excerpted from a Trib article:

Pittsburgh police officials are questioning how two officers handled a complaint alleging child abuse, deciding a boy with injuries wasn’t in danger and allowing his mother to slip away from them with her children while they awaited a social worker’s arrival.

A police report filed by Comans and Gale, officers from the North Side station, says they were sent to the apartment New Year’s Day to investigate a report of child abuse involving a 12-year-old boy and told to look for “any injuries to his face or cuts under his left eye.” Watson allowed them to come inside but was angered by the visit, the report says.

Two boys, ages 9 and 6, were watching television in the living room, and the 12-year-old was sitting on a bed with a “small cut beneath his left eye, a swollen nose, and a pair of black eyes,” the report says.

Watson told the officers “she had nothing to hide” and that her son’s injuries happened when she accidentally struck him in the face with a belt buckle while disciplining him, the report says.

Despite the injuries, which looked two days old, the officers said they did not believe the child was in danger and said the boy “appeared to be in good health,” according to the report.

Authorities issued an arrest warrant for Watson on Jan. 2 and sought public help in finding her. She and the boys were found Jan. 4 in a hotel room along McKnight Road in Ross.

When they were found, the 12-year-old had welts on his legs, lower back, hips, face, head and buttocks, police said.

1. You have to be a special kind of stupid or a heartless asshole to see a 12-year-old with a black eye … wait, no, TWO black eyes and a swollen nose and then determine in your expert opinion that the child “appeared to be in good health.”

If two black eyes, facial cuts and a swollen nose equals the appearance of good health to certain police, God help a woman if she is ever raped and is assisted by these officers.

Officer Doofus: (on police CB to dispatcher) Yeah, Officer Stupidhead and I are here at the location of the reported rape.

Dispatcher: Status?

Officer Stupidhead: There’s a woman lying on the sidewalk kind of moaning and she’s a little bloody. She’s got some injuries about the face and her dress has been ripped. She appears to be in good health. We’re done here.

Dispatcher: Thank you, Officers Stupidhead and Doofus.

Officer Doofus: 10-4. Just doing our jobs. Protecting.

Officer Stupidhead: … and serving.

Officer Doofus: That’s right, Stupidhead. Serving.

2. So in effect she said, “I was beating the shit out of my boy with a belt buckle and I missed his torso and accidentally hit him in the face.”

And they were perfectly fine with that?

3. The only people that deserve to get up close and personal with the business end of a belt buckle are these officers … and maybe pigeons.

So. How pissed are you? Let me guess. All. Get. Out.


  1. Dee
    January 11, 2008 9:33 am

    I am so Pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with people!!!!!!!!!

  2. Johnny
    January 11, 2008 9:42 am

    Officer Doofus: He looks ok to me. Let me have a closer look.

    Officer Stupidhead: Can I taze him?

    Officer Doofus: Hold on. Hmm, it’s just a flesh wound. That’ll heal real fast.

    Officer Stupidhead: Can I taze him, now?

    Officer Doofus: Not yet. Say, maybe we should call a social worker?

    Officer Stupidhead: Can I taze him first?

    Officer Doofus: Well, you have been good today and it’s been a couple hours since you tazed someone.

    Officer Stupidhead: PLEASE let me taze him. PLEASE.

    Officer Doofus: Ok, you can taze him, let me just tell his mom that we believe her story. where is she?

    Officer Stupidhead: She said that she was going to grab a smoke. She had that funny looking tube filled with water and she was stuffing it with what she said was tobacco. I guess she went outside.

    Officer Doofus: WAIT A MOMENT! They’re gone! We must have master villians here. Oh, how could they slip out of our grasp? Evil genius’ they are. Alright, let’s check under all the local volcanos for a secret lair.

    Officer Stupidhead: Hold on a minute. I just tazed myself…. twice.

  3. Bulldog
    January 11, 2008 9:43 am

    So much for educated professionals who are sworn to uphold the law and whose mission is to protect and serve.

  4. Doug
    January 11, 2008 10:14 am

    And the sad thing is that the Thin Blue Line will take over and every other cop in the city will come to their defense saying “You have no idea how tough our job is.”

    And how about the line in the story that says it is being deterimed if the poor lads (the scum cops) need more training or counseling!! What would they need counseling for? The pain and mental duress their little brains endured as their grumbling Yihnzer bellies realized they might have to spend more than five minutes at the call and therefore their next Krispy Kreme was now more than 5 minutes away?

    The only needed counseling for these two SCUM BAGS COPS — COMAN and GALE — should come from the end of a baseball bat. With lots of people standing in line to take a swing.

  5. Ad2Pitt
    January 11, 2008 10:33 am

    Just where do some of these offices come from? If you ask why they joined the force you’ll always here “…because I wanted to work and give back to my community.” or something to that effect. Yes, the bad apples that are members of police forces are really helping and giving back to their community.

  6. Jonesin for Julie Gong
    January 11, 2008 11:05 am

    Every person in the city should line up for one free swing with a belt/buckle in the face of these idiots.

    Freakin morons

  7. Susan Helene Gottfried
    January 11, 2008 11:06 am

    Sadly, this happens in other places, too. My daughter hit her head in gym class one day and was taken to the nurse for a concussion eval. When I asked the nurse later if she had seen the fresh scratches on her forehead from where my daughter had fallen on the way to the bus stop, the nurse told me she thought it was “one of those birthmarks.”

    Hello? Since when do fresh scratches and bruises resemble a birthmark?

  8. jason
    January 11, 2008 12:16 pm

    im not mad– i get very sad when i read stuff like this, though. poor kid.

  9. a visual tinkle
    January 11, 2008 3:50 pm

    Oh you’ve just got to love the zone 1 officers. There are some good ones but the majority are assholes who don’t care. There was a shooting ONE BLOCK from their precinct and it took them 3 hours to respond, and that wasn’t the first time.
    And then today I went into my home after not being in town for a month to find my copper pipe and stove (go figure) stolen, the officer who responded suggested selling the house. Yeah, cuz that will help.

  10. scottie
    January 11, 2008 7:01 pm

    Momma beat me with a belt, and I came out just fine. Now I only see a therapist on days that end in “y”

  11. Jenn
    January 11, 2008 11:35 pm

    Pisses me off entirely. Wow.

    When I was robbed back in April downtown (at night), it seemed as if the officers were working “real hard” on my case. I often imagine if things would be different if I had suffered physical injury (thank God I didn’t), or worse, death. I’d venture to say probably not.

    It’s sad when you can’t even rely on the force to protect the “little guy.”