God bless the criminals for they (and six shots of espresso shutup) have woken me up.
Burglary, theft and criminal mischief, Ponderosa Steakhouse on Route 30 forcibly entered and a vending machine, owned by Williams Vending, of Uniontown, damaged. An office chair, two mops and 12 spatulas were taken. Damages to the vending machine estimated at $5,500.
1. Breaking into a restaurant, committing a crime, risking jail … all to steal a chair, some mops and twelve spatulas. WTF?
What do you need twelve spatulas for? You know what? I don’t want to know.
2. If I were a cop and I happened upon this crime and was able to apprehend the losers as they exited the building with their arms full of spatulas and mops, they would totally have gotten away with it because I would have hit the ground in a fit of hysterics.
3. If they went in to steal money, could not access the money and could not access the money in the vending machine after beating the $5,500 shit out of it, why not just cut your losses and get out? Why risk having your hasty exit slowed down by a chair, two mops and A DOZEN SPATULAS.
4. I bet somewhere out there, some genius criminals are standing on a very clean, shiny floor and are flipping the hell out of some pancakes like it’s nobody’s business.