Riiiiiiip.

You must check out this local BMW commercial filmed with some of our Penguins which I found at Deadspin.

It is the worst-acted, cheesiest piece of cheese you will ever see.

Why the hell wasn’t I consulted on this?! You want the Penguins to sell cars for you?

Here ya go:

Colby Armstrong to camera: [ripping oxford shirt off with force, popping every button simultaneously] I’m Colby Armstrong.

Evgeni Malkin to camera: [tearing t- shirt off from the collar down] Привет, я – Евгений Молкин

Sergei Gonchar: [already shirtless] I’m Sergei Gonchar

All together: [placing their hands on their jeans’ zippers] Come down to A&L BMW and maybe we’ll take our pants off.

See how easy that was?! I wrote that in like six seconds.

Sure, men won’t really go for it, but who gives a damn?!

SHIRTLESS PENGUINS!!! Holla.





23 Comments

  1. unsatisfied
    January 27, 2008 2:11 pm

    ummmmm….



  2. spoon
    January 27, 2008 2:30 pm

    wow that’s bad.



  3. bob
    January 27, 2008 2:31 pm

    Well that just almost made me piss my pants…classic



  4. amber
    January 27, 2008 5:47 pm

    That was the most fantastic thing I’ve ever seen.

    If I ever start my own business, I want PittGirl to write all my commercials. Shirtless Penguins could sell me anything.



  5. Judge Rufus Peckham
    January 28, 2008 8:37 am

    Better yet, PittGirl, you’d sell a hell of a lot more BMWs if you ditched the Penguins angle altogether and had young women ripping off each others’ shirts. And one could say: “Come down to A&L BMW and maybe we’ll take our pants off.”

    Sure, women won’t really go for it, but who really gives a damn?!



  6. PittGirl
    January 28, 2008 8:41 am

    Judge,

    If I’m writing the commercial, then Sonni Abatta is going to have to be in there somewhere. Not just any girl will do. These are PENGUINS we’re talking about.



  7. Judge Rufus Peckham
    January 28, 2008 8:51 am

    PittGirl, I’d even start watching KDKA again, for the first time since they fired Bob Prince, if you could get Sonni to do that on the air. I know that sounds sexist, so I offer up my man Jon Delano to do the same thing, to give the women equal time.



  8. spoon
    January 28, 2008 9:53 am

    I’m willing to bet that Sonni will do one with the Pens now that Kris Beech is back ;)



  9. unsatisfied
    January 28, 2008 10:07 am

    kris beech — wtf? didn’t he suck the last time he was here? I know they are trying to fill in for sid being out, but sheesh.

    sonni — DEFINITELY.



  10. back in the burgh
    January 28, 2008 10:24 am

    OMG – that was the worst acting ever. Can you imagine how much $$ they paid for that bad acting. Wow! PittGirl, yours would have been SO much better. :-)



  11. jonesin for Julie Gong
    January 28, 2008 10:33 am

    now you get Sonni, Stephanie Watson and either Valerie (no relation to Sonni) Abatti or Alison Morris in there…THEN you have a keeper

    or for the ladies…Jon Delano, Dee Thompson and John “Gordon” Schumway

    FYI…first person to tell me who Gordon Schumway is gets 10 bonus points



  12. sdk
    January 28, 2008 10:45 am

    ALF. well played.



  13. Pensgirl
    January 28, 2008 11:02 am

    I dunno about that, PG. Assuming they all have upper bodies worthy of showing off (they may not – a lot of hockey players neglect uppper body work), there’s the whole “blindingly white” thing – especially with Colby!



  14. jonesin for Julie Gong
    January 28, 2008 11:07 am

    10 pts for sdk…nice work



  15. Brother Anthony
    January 28, 2008 11:28 am

    I first saw this video on Postgameheroes.com

    They post about Pittsburgh and Washington teams, and they accompanied the Pens video with this Redskins-heavy car commercials. Catchy tune!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gD8o9bt-eWg



  16. honda driver
    January 28, 2008 3:59 pm

    terrible. their agents should be fired. it’s just as bad as the heinz ward commercial.



  17. sdk
    January 28, 2008 4:21 pm

    are you kidding me? that video is Flynn’s Tire level GOLD. Between Colby’s overacting, Max’s …umm…freestyling, Gonch’s “mastery” of the English language, and Geno’s total obliviousness to the corniness around him, I can’t not laugh my ass off every time I watch it. Their agents should be lauded. Colby and Max’s performance sum up exactly why I love this team.

    Now if you want bad, check out Jason Bay’s furniture commercial. Not even unintentionally hilarious.

    ps; thanks for the pts, jonesin.



  18. Jonesin' for Pittgirl
    January 28, 2008 7:45 pm

    What the hell is Maxime Talbot doing? The wicka, wicka, wicka? Is he a RAP superstar? Somebody help me out here, please.



  19. Schultz
    January 30, 2008 9:21 am

    If you think these are bad, you should see the Eastern Motors commercials starring various Ravens players that we’re subjected to in Baltimore.



  20. Sofa King
    February 4, 2008 11:10 am

    Wow…that is terrible…embarassing, really. However, I’ll agree with the other posters—it’s not nearly as annoying as the over-the-top Eastern Motors commercials featuring the Redskins…and apparently the Ravens, too.



  21. Hilander PSU
    March 23, 2008 9:33 pm

    Is it just me or is there something so flamboyant about Max Talbot? I love the guy, he’d definitely liven up the party I’m not having right now, but I don’t think he drives a BMW to impress ladies.



  22. stace
    May 24, 2008 11:43 pm

    yeah, the eastern motors one is pretty bad, and i see it all the time on tv since live in maryland/d.c.



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