- February 6, 2008
- filed under Ben Roethlisberger, Downtown happenings, Eye rolls, Steelers, Weird Burghers
1. Yesterday while waiting downtown for my bus home I stood about four feet away from a woman that was smoking. She gave her cigarette one of those ash-dropping tap-taps and I watched as the ashes managed to catch the gentle breeze that was blowing down the street. The gentle breeze carried those ashes in my direction where they gently landed in my hair.
IN MY HAIR, PEOPLE! My hair that is filled with product. FLAMMABLE PRODUCT, PEOPLE!
You know what I don’t need? I don’t need to become a human ashtray and have my hair bursting into flame as I wait for my bus.
2. Then just a moment or two after I assured myself that my hair was not in fact currently on fire, I noticed a person walking down the sidewalk toward me, sporting some of the blondest, biggest, curliest hair you have ever seen in your life. Not unlike, but much bigger than this. One ash in that hair, and POOF! It would be gone.
The jeans were tight, the makeup was perfect but thick, the jacket was fluffy and furry, and the boots? The boots! White, to the knee, over the jeans, and maybe … let’s say four-inch heels. So I’m watching this person walk, nay, sashay toward and then past me and inside my head, this is what you hear: “Whew! Check out that piece of work! Work it, girl. Oh, wait. That’s a man. No, wait. That’s a woman. A man. A woman. A man. DEFINITELY a man! Work it, girl!”
Who says Pittsburgh doesn’t have larger than life characters?
3. Then as I rode on my bus, I noticed a hair studio that is appropriately called Hair Studio. That’s genius. I’m going to open a restaurant and I’m going to call it Restaurant and then there will be conversations all over the Burgh that go something like this.
“Let’s go out to eat.”
“Yeah! Let’s go to that new restaurant.”
“OMG, you are such a stupid bitch.”
“We are so breaking up, you turd-climbing poop cleaver!”
“Fine. I’ve been in love with PittGirl for years anyway!”
“PittGirl? PITTGIRL?!?! She’s nothing but a judgmental bitch.”
4. Reader Charlie emailed me a link to this site that dialectizes any other site. So I’m having fun reading my blog in redneck, moron, and other awesome dialects, then I read how it translated this particular passage into jive talk, and boy, did PittGirl laugh!
Slap mah fro!
5. The world over, there will be needy people sporting 19-0 gear, thanks to a group in Sewickley. I will never understand the need to have gear ready to be sold three seconds after the Super Bowl ends.
6. As I linked to above in #3, it was reader Michelle that pointed out the awesome InsultMe site. I thought of some people and randomly generated their insults. Results:
- Twanda Carlisle: pimple chewing snot breeder
- Lukey: Snot poking face butt
- Tom Brady: Nut sucking nerd basket
- The Duke of Fug & the Earl of Gross: Arse banging earwax lover
Go have fun with it, you fart-licking bum suckers!