It was a sight that shocked and frightened motorists along a busy Pittsburgh road Sunday morning; an unclothed, injured man was spotted running through traffic.
The incident happened just before 10 a.m. along Banksville Road during a snow squall.
1. First of all, doesn’t Scary Naked Bleeding Man sound like a fictional superhero name from Whose Line Is It, Anyway?
It totally does. Scary Naked Bleeding Man saves the day!
2. If I’m driving down Banksville Road and a man is running naked in the snow … totally naked … down the street, clearly under the influence of something, there’s a lot of things I’m feeling. Frightened isn’t one of them.
3. I have no idea why, but as soon as Stephanie Watson said, “These images may be disturbing,” with her brow furrowed in fake concern, as if they were about to show us Saddam Hussein being strung up … I burst out laughing.
This is why I could never be a newscaster. You put a story like this on the teleprompter in front of me and expect me to be as serious as Stephanie Watson. No. Way. I’d be more, “OMG. You guys are going to crack up. Watch this…”
4. And then as I watched Scary Naked Bleeding Man and his pixelated ass running around, I laughed some more.
5. And then I imagined his cold, shriveled … you know … and I laughed some more.
6. And then I realized that some “frightened” citizen actually followed this dude around and filmed him in all of his scary, bleeding, naked, confused glory … and I totally lost it.
7. Drugs are bad. Scary Naked Bleeding Man is funny as hell.
Before you write me about what a callous bitch I am, I’d like to remind you that I already know.