Scary naked bleeding man.

It was a sight that shocked and frightened motorists along a busy Pittsburgh road Sunday morning; an unclothed, injured man was spotted running through traffic.

The incident happened just before 10 a.m. along Banksville Road during a snow squall.

1.  First of all, doesn’t Scary Naked Bleeding Man sound like a fictional superhero name from Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

It totally does.  Scary Naked Bleeding Man saves the day!

2.  If I’m driving down Banksville Road and a man is running naked in the snow … totally naked … down the street, clearly under the influence of something, there’s a lot of things I’m feeling.  Frightened isn’t one of them.

3.  I have no idea why, but as soon as Stephanie Watson said, “These images may be disturbing,” with her brow furrowed in fake concern, as if they were about to show us Saddam Hussein being strung up … I burst out laughing.

This is why I could never be a newscaster.  You put a story like this on the teleprompter in front of me and expect me to be as serious as Stephanie Watson.  No. Way.  I’d be more, “OMG.  You guys are going to crack up.  Watch this…”

4.  And then as I watched Scary Naked Bleeding Man and his pixelated ass running around, I laughed some more.

5.  And then I imagined his cold, shriveled … you know … and I laughed some more.

6.  And then I realized that some “frightened” citizen actually followed this dude around and filmed him in all of his scary, bleeding, naked, confused glory … and I totally lost it.

7.  Drugs are bad.  Scary Naked Bleeding Man is funny as hell.

Before you write me about what a callous bitch I am, I’d like to remind you that I already know.





32 Comments

  1. Judge Rufus Peckham
    February 12, 2008 10:48 am

    “And then I imagined his cold, shriveled … you know … and I laughed some more.”

    Ohhh, PittGirl . . . you gotta be a little more sensitive of your male audience.



  2. pittgirl
    February 12, 2008 10:49 am

    Whatevs. If this was a naked woman, I’d have been all, “Man, I bet she was perky.”

    I’m an equal opportunity offender.



  3. cara
    February 12, 2008 10:52 am

    i totally agree with you. while i watched that news story in awe, after it was over, my husband and i both looked at each other and cracked up. my husband commented that the videographer that got the footage just got the story of his life! i’m thinking he needs a Golden Quill for that kind of on the spot coverage :)



  4. JCIII
    February 12, 2008 10:57 am

    Well, I was close!! I said “Naked Running Bleeding Man” and PittGirl dubbed him “Scary Naked Bleeding Man”.
    And yes, PittGirl, I’m sure there was the shrinkage factor happening out there on Banksville Rd.



  5. Leslie
    February 12, 2008 11:11 am

    “Authorities identify him as 27-year-old Andrew Croulet of Brookline.”

    Dude, your life will never be the same again. Then again, you could apply for a job to work with me, because apparently we don’t ever do any sort of background checks on anyone. We did churn out good old Lukey, after all!



  6. Judge Rufus Peckham
    February 12, 2008 11:14 am

    You know what they say, “the clothes make the man.” Here, the absence of clothes make the story. I can’t fathom this story even being mentioned on the air if the guy had on a pair of shorts.

    I wish I had seen Stephanie Watson’s “brow furrowed in fake concern.” While the images certainly couldn’t have been “disturbing,” such a reaction is.



  7. chrys
    February 12, 2008 11:15 am

    The whole thing was odd. Why did the police not call him an ambulance? They shoved him in the back of a police van.. It was funny right up until then.



  8. efw_west
    February 12, 2008 11:52 am

    Too bad Wendy Bell didn’t report this one, I can imagine her comments.



  9. beaner
    February 12, 2008 12:09 pm

    makes me proud to be a Brookliner



  10. Eleanors Trousers
    February 12, 2008 12:12 pm

    I watched this story with glee. And hope Mr. Croulet runs for office later so I can see Scary Naked Bleeding Man, the later years, on tv.



  11. coach99
    February 12, 2008 12:17 pm

    Two things: the pixalation of his privates probably were done to keep the shrinkage factor from becoming even more embarrassing to him.

    Second: The “disturbing image” was the police slamming the guy face down into the asphalt as if he were armed and dangerous….it was obvious he was unarmed..unless, oh, never mind.



  12. wshicldtel
    February 12, 2008 1:56 pm

    lol, lol, lol, lol, can’t stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  13. bucdaddy
    February 12, 2008 2:15 pm

    I’m surprised SWat can furrow a brow through three inches of makeup, especially if said makeup is frozen solid from her standing OUTSIDE in the 20 degrees and wind and snow on the 11 p.m. KDcast to report LIVE! on a story that was happening INDOORS at The Church (Danny-O-tax protest). What sadistic evil bastard doesn’t let her go INSIDE, where it’s warm and (can I get a witness, Spoon?) where the BEER is? They had footage from INSIDE of The Church. Why did she have to stand OUTSIDE?

    And she concluded the segment by saying she was reporting from “dahntahn.” If she was at The Church, she wasn’t dahntahn; if she was dahntahn, she wasn’t at The Church. But I guess she can report from the KD parking lot as long as it lets them say she’s LIVE!

    Would she be DEAD! if she just reported from a chair in the cozy studio? Somebody in local TV news, please explain this stupidity to me.



  14. Bram R
    February 12, 2008 2:29 pm

    Those weren’t pixels. He was actually covered in frizzle.

    Damn I’m bored.



  15. justretiredguy
    February 12, 2008 3:23 pm

    Methamphetamine is a bad thing.



  16. CS Keys
    February 12, 2008 5:02 pm

    I wonder what former Pitt cheerleaders think about all of this?



  17. Ravishing Rick
    February 12, 2008 5:45 pm

    Its really PittGirl in disguise being chased by a Pigeon



  18. Mike
    February 12, 2008 10:44 pm

    Not to be a debbie downer, but I don’t think this guy was on drugs at all. I think they’re going to find that he’s schizophrenic or has some other mental disorder with psychotic features. His behavior could have easily been consistent with delusions and auditory hallucinations.

    If that’s the case, I feel awful for that man.

    In any case, we shouldn’t be so quick to condemn him as a druggie.

    And in the end, it may be that they end up dropping the charges against him because he’s mentally ill. I hope they do if that’s the case.



  19. cultlord
    February 12, 2008 11:02 pm

    He needs to stay away from blonde strippers with acid to share. No, seriously, he does.



  20. Schultz
    February 12, 2008 11:33 pm

    I second that, cultlord. Stick to banging strippers who do coke, not acid dude!



  21. Tim Chizmar
    February 13, 2008 5:29 am

    Yeah I know Andy Swan/Croulet very well. He and I wrote a screenplay together, went to the same college in PA and even started doing Stand-up at the same time in CA.. I’m a comic/producer.

    He told me today that someone musta slipped him something… at a party. In this current age of sensationalism I wouldn’t be surprised to see him backed by the American Association for Nude Recreation and starring in a damn reality show…

    “A Shot at Love with (Nude Dude) Andrew Croulet.”
    Insanity.
    -Tim



  22. GeeO
    February 13, 2008 8:25 am

    Another banner day for local news during February sweeps! Their consultants tell them to do this stuff. And the fake sincerity among reporters and anchors is hilarious. These are the most insecure and ego-driven people on the planet. But hey, the job of a news director is to sell advertising, so they put this crap on and people must watch it. Too bad it’s not journalism.



  23. NudeDude
    February 13, 2008 4:35 pm

    Haha Ok I am the Naked guy and I was at a party and was sliped something that made me go crazy and go streaking down the road.LOL I honesty think this sucks especially since it made national news but the bright side is that I am a stand up comedian and already have a few gigs lined up in L.A.! haha So good things can happen when your naked ass gets on the national news! haha If you have myspace you can see my profile at myspace.com/comedianAndrewSwan



  24. Stephanique1
    February 13, 2008 5:15 pm

    Dear Andrew Croulet,

    Why is your MySpace page “private” since you don’t have a problem showing your privates?

    (Rim Shot)



  25. Girl Girl
    February 14, 2008 1:11 pm

    I also know andrew swan/croulet/soeder, and do not think he’s a really nice guy at all.

    He’s done some awful things, just look into his past… In fact, i think he may be up on some serious charges right now in the city of pittsburgh…. you can check on the PA court website… just type in his last name…



  26. ScaredOfNakedMenRunningDownTheStreet
    February 14, 2008 11:49 pm

    Girl Girl is right. Go to the following page:

    http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/WebDocketSheets/MDJOtherCriteria.aspx

    Type in Croulet for the last name and then Allegheny for the county. You’ll see 9 different charges against him for 2007 alone. The one on April 19 is the worst though.



  27. Farkus
    February 15, 2008 2:14 pm

    Cultlord knows exactly what he is talking about. LSD is *not* for everyone!



  28. Nikki Rhetts
    February 20, 2008 1:43 pm

    Andy Andy Andy I love you man!!! Andy is such a great guy! See you soon sweets!!!!!



  29. sweet thing
    February 20, 2008 3:50 pm

    he’s such a jerk.



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  31. Arby's Worker
    May 3, 2008 7:22 pm

    I saw him that day live… What an interesting thing to tell your boss




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