Our trusty Pittsburgh Hilton will play host to the Booklovers Convention this April 12-20.
Before you get out your Sharpie to block off those nine days thinking, “Man, I can’t wait to sit down and have a real conversation about Anna Karenina!” I should tell you that this is The Romantic Times Booklovers Convention.
As in Fabio, tiny loincloths, swelling “members”, unsheathed “swords”, “the raging beast of his desire”, heaving bosoms, and taut flesh. And if I had my way, “tingling donkey omelets.” Bay-bee.
Before you accuse me of having my nose buried in smut, I got most of those from this HILARIOUS article.
Moving on after you’ve regained your composure, here are some of the workshop titles to make you lose it all over again:
READER: BAD PIRATES GET ALL THE BOOTY
Thursday, 10:30 – 11:30am: Move over Pittsburgh Pirates for a romance version of a grand slam. Wenches and swashbucklers unite for a fantasy hour where you get to choose who you would like to be stranded with on a deserted island.
Will David Conrad be there because really, he or any of my husbands are the only people that I’m okay with getting stranded with. And maybe Wendy Bell.
THE NIGHTWALKER STUD MUFFIN MIXER
Friday, 8:30 – 9:30am: A delightful way to wake up to your day! Delicious gourmet muffins, hot coffee and the author of those equally hot and delicious Nightwalkers, Jacquelyn Frank. Come for some one-on-one time with Jacki and leave with a happy tummy and a bag of goodies to boot!
Oh, to be in the Hilton for the first time a lost convention-goer stops an employee and asks with a straight face, “Do you know where the Stud Muffin Mixer is?”
URBAN FANTASY: DEMONS ARE THE NEW BLACK
Friday, 10 – 11am: Whether you like your sex sinful or spiritual, it’s clear that angels and demons have made their mark in urban fantasy and paranormal romance. What makes a seraph as sexy as a succubus?
Gents, if you really want to make your woman happy, call her a “sexy succubus.” We melt at that shit.
EROTICA: EXOTIC AND EROTIC: WHAT MAKES EROTICA REALLY SIZZLE. THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF MIND-BLOWING SEX
Friday, 10am – 12pm: From tantric sex and the exotic underworld all the way to the simple raw heat between lovers, what works best, where and why, straight from the writers who know how to deliver the most creative and compelling erotic romance on the page. (Bring fans and a cold drink!)
That workshop would be so much more awesome if it was entitled, The Donkey Omelets of Mind-Blowing Sex. And then some lucky Hilton employee would be on the receiving end of, “Excuse me, do you know where the [refers to convention handout] Donkey Omelets of Mind-Blowing Sex workshop is?”
MR. ROMANCE COMPETITION
Saturday, 5-7pm: Can there be that many gorgeous guys in one place? Who will the next Mr. Romance be? Come help us choose the lucky guy who will win a cover shoot with romance giant Dorchester Publishing.
COVER MODEL REUNION DINNER (Additional Event)
Saturday, 7pm – 9pm: To spice up our 25th Anniversary Convention we’ve rounded up several cover models for an exclusive, intimate dinner with these gorgeous hunks that will make a lifetime of memories. Adrian Paul (everyone’s favorite Highlander!) and Fabio will be our guests at the reunion dinner
You really must take a look at some of the contestants for this year:
Now imagine yourself on a deserted island with one of those freaks.
OMG, stop screaming.