I’ll tread lightly here because it’s a delicate subject, but I’d like to talk about penises for a moment if I could.
Why, you ask? Because there are two separate things that I saw that cracked my shit up. Neither of those was a penis, by the way.
1. I never read spam mail, obviously. Particularly not the emails that promise to make my penis giant, because, well, I don’t have a penis. But the other day I went to delete a spam and almost spit out my chai.
Under the subject of “I wanted to release tension” was this message:
Have a cannon in your pants the size of a howitzer!
Wow! A howitzer? Can I say, howitzer is a word we don’t use nearly enough these days. That’s a fun word.
After regaining my composure, I decided to troll my junk mail folder (2,705 emails currently sit there) to see other fun ways the spammers have found to get men to click on their links. My faves that were emailed to me in JUST THE LAST SIX DAYS. If you really want a chuckle, read them with a foreign accent. ANY foreign accent.
Get a barrel-sized pecker today! Click here!
When her panties come down, you better make sure you have an impressive size weapon in your pants
Do not let them mock at small weener!
Your girlfriend loves big jang but the problem is that you have small one.
Do not worry! You have astonishing chance to solve this trouble.
Now you can increase your machine size.
You’ll be a king of bed for sure.
Have you heard of the kangaroo pounder? You will find it right between your legs with this miracle solution!
Gain the greatest Schlong ever!
Turn your trouser mouse into a MONSTER schlong!
And on and on they go.
2. I had on, I think it was Galavision or maybe Univision a while back when a commercial came on for an ED drug/vitamin and it made me laugh because while in America we like to veil the names of our ED drugs/vitamins with names like Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc. the names of pills from this company leave NO QUESTION as to their intended purpose:
- And for the ladies, BossomMax
Gee. Why not just call it, “These Pills Make Your Pee-Pee Giant Big!”
I guess I didn’t tread very lightly, did I?
(h/t to Mrs. Pitsberger for the post title)