Genius-y geniuses!

White Oak officials want to rename the McKeesport School District because they think it will attract new residents who are put off by the image and reputation of the McKeesport School District.

Borough officials say that image, especially concerning economics, should be improved. Last week, White Oak council President Jack Petro Jr. proposed changing the name of the McKeesport Area School District as one way to attract new people.

So by their brilliantly genius-y thought process that is probably being turned by mice in a cog, we could rename the Hill District to The Highland Estates and people will suddenly be all, “Hey! Let’s move to The Highland Estates. Doesn’t that sound like a place where we don’t need to worry about getting murdered while we walk the dog at night?”

Like I said. Brilliant!

Homewood is now “Westhampsminstershire” and Lincoln/Lemington is now “Derbyshirbingham.”

Spread the word, ‘kay?





25 Comments

  1. Muddypelican
    March 13, 2008 11:48 am

    I vote for renaming Garfield to Mount Upper St. Bethelwood



  2. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    March 13, 2008 11:57 am

    How about Braddock becoming Worcestershirehampton?



  3. BagitTagit
    March 13, 2008 12:09 pm

    I’ve decided to rename myself Brad Pitt Clooney.

    Ladies, I’ll be waiting in the bedroom…



  4. BurgherinArkansas
    March 13, 2008 12:15 pm

    My poor mother is the Superintendent there- I think that she has enough to deal with other than changing the school districts name…I have an idea…let’s focus on educating the youngsters!!!



  5. BH
    March 13, 2008 12:23 pm

    I grew up in Toledo, Ohio and, in the seventies, they “renamed” Toledo’s east side “River East” in an attempt to make it sound less like the declining area it was. It didn’t work — that part of town looks worse than ever, unfortunately.



  6. Brian
    March 13, 2008 12:24 pm

    Oakshire Whiteingfield as the new MASD name, that way we can avoid the terror people have in their minds with this name because 1.) it’ll sound like a little tucked-in-bed district where elederly safely roam at will, and 2.) it removes any thoughts of what people really are trying to make us forget exist in our communities. And I hope that’s not taken wrong because I am poking fun at these imbeciles and not at all supporting these irrational fears. But hey, Oakshire Whiteingfield: No, it’s just us white people, hanging out, having a good time on the shuffleboard floor, going to class, driving some cars, drinking some milk. Won’t you come live in our cabins?



  7. parkingchair
    March 13, 2008 12:55 pm

    I think giving very English sounding names to the more bleak neighborhoods is brilliant.

    I mean, it worked for Manchester, right?



  8. dwight
    March 13, 2008 1:16 pm

    I am in tears! HAHA! Love the new names of the bad neighborhoods.



  9. joey
    March 13, 2008 1:24 pm

    You’ll notice that Penn State has already renamed their McKeesport campus….



  10. justretiredguy
    March 13, 2008 1:47 pm

    Hey, you’ve got people calling part of Homewood “North Point Breeze”. My rule of thumb is, if you hear gunfire on a regular basis, you are in da hood. I had a co-worker from Regent Square(Wilkensburg) who used to laugh at me for living with all the “yuppies” in the suburbs. His 10 year old son had his bicycle stolen from him at gun point.



  11. Sooska
    March 13, 2008 3:21 pm

    Or we could go the directional route East Western North White Oak. When they win the Quad A football championship they will be champions of the Southern Division. No problemo.



  12. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    March 13, 2008 4:26 pm

    Why not rename? After all, they’re calling a good chunk of the North Side the North Shore, when everyone knows rivers have banks not shore simply as an effort to get people to forget that they are on the North Side.



  13. In Sewickley
    March 13, 2008 10:01 pm

    The “North Shore” drives me nuts. Just nuts.

    There is no shore of a river. No shore, people.

    No matter what you call it, it’s the North Side. And I will always call it the North Side.



  14. Jael
    March 13, 2008 11:01 pm

    Hey, it’s working in East Side, err, I mean, East Liberty.



  15. GreeneThumb
    March 14, 2008 6:50 am

    If I remember correctly, a few years back, the Pitt football team decided to be referred to as “Pittsburgh” in hopes of getting away from it’s recent losing tradition. Hey, it worked for them…



  16. lolo
    March 14, 2008 8:29 am

    Did anyone listen to Jim and Randy this morning? Randy came up with the “exotic” McKeesportugal. Ha!

    (Btw, I’m from White Oak and went to McKeesport HS – when I first heard all this, all I could do was groan….)



  17. Brian
    March 14, 2008 9:03 am

    I grew up in White Oak too, though I went to Serra, but I got a big laugh out of this. Ah, MASD. Maybe we can rename it so the acronym can be MADNESS.



  18. unsatisfied
    March 14, 2008 9:03 am

    agreed on the whole “north shore” thing.

    I first heard it when I moved back to the pittsburgh area back in ’02. who the hell came up with that moniker and why? very annoying.



  19. Wlat4Prez
    March 14, 2008 12:03 pm

    I grew up in White Oak and went to McKeesport and Serra. This is just embarassing. The lower upper middle class that is White Oak, waggling a finger at McKeesport and saying, “YOU and messing it up for ALL of us!” Yeah, it’s not the fact that people can build a home right across the border in Neck Huntingdon and pay less taxes, it’s MASD’s fault. It’s not the fact that the city of McKeesport has sat on rotting mill land and done nothing with it like Homestead did, it’s the school district.

    White Oak has North Versailles to the north, McKeesport to the south, versailles to the southeast. It’s essentially surrounded by shit on three sides. What do you expect?



  20. justretiredguy
    March 14, 2008 2:24 pm

    I know a guy from Glassport. We refer to him as a Glassportorican.



  21. Bram R
    March 15, 2008 4:21 pm

    In fairness, the North Side is like a mile and half deep and more. When people ask where I live, I find myself saying “North Shore” because I happen to live a 90 second walk from the river, and I don’t want to give folks from points south and east the impression that I am inaccessible to them. Then again, every time I say that I feel distinctly like a douche.



  22. unsatisfied
    March 17, 2008 9:18 am

    saw the mention of north versailles above — and it caused me to think about something.

    why not just pronounce it all french-like as “north ver-SIGH”? property values would shoot up 75%.



  23. Zsa
    March 17, 2008 2:12 pm

    When I heard about “Penn State Greater Allegheny” I thought it was an additional campus that had opened. I had no idea it was PS McKeesport.

    This is almost as dumb as the president of Cal U trying to rename the school because “no one knows where California PA is and it confuses people.” His proposed solution was to name it after a donor who has buildings named after him at like 3 other schools. Yes, that would have helped the situation.



  24. Paul "Sluggo" Shelly
    March 25, 2008 10:05 am

    Hey Girl,

    Been meaning to tell you excellent blog! for quite some time. May I add you to my blog roll?

    Please visit http://www.paulshelly.com and check out my comments on the Whitey Oak name change and more importantly the responses I got in the comments section.

    Yours in Cyberspace,

    Paul “Sluggo” Shelly
    McKeesport City Council

    We are – MCKEESPORT!



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