You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

The Cyril Wecht trial is winding down now, being turned over to the jury for what will surely be their guilty verdict.  Right?  What’s Vegas saying on this?

Regardless, check out some of the closing arguments.

Cyril’s attorney Jerry McDevitt said:

“Think about how precious little evidence was ever really produced in this case about Dr. Wecht. You heard about everybody but him.  Ladies and gentlemen, it took seven weeks and 44 witnesses, and they did not come close to proving one crime by this man — not close.”

But Assistant U.S. Attorney Stephen S. Stallings rebutted by grabbing a post-it note written by Cyril “telling his administrative assistant to charge a private client $80 for a round-trip limousine ride he never took.”

“This is his handwriting. This is his ink right here. …’Add $80 ground transportation, Pittsburgh.’ That’s his intent, ladies and gentlemen. He did this on purpose.”

McDevitt came back with:

“If you don’t have that, then what you take is a shotgun and fill it up with a bunch of legal buckshot and shoot it blindly around the room, hoping that one pellet, one pellet hits the bird and kills the bird.  It’s the legal equivalent of throwing mud at the wall.  Don’t do an injustice here.  He has Pittsburgh in his DNA. He is to this city in forensic pathology what the Steelers are in football. This man has spent his life getting justice for people.  Please do it to him now. Forty-one times not guilty. No buckshot. No miscarriage of justice.”

First, invoking the Steelers to a yinzer jury is quite genius when you think about it.  “We can’t find him guilty; he’s like DNA to the Steelers, is what the guy said!”

The whole buckshot speech is awesome in and of itself, worthy of a Pittsburgh-based Law and Order, but that little “no buckshot” stuck in there at the end literally had me laughing out loud on my bus this morning.

I really hope that if Cyril is found innocent of these crimes, that he comes tearing out of the courthouse, spilling into Grant Street screaming “No buckshot!  No buckshot!” at the top of his lungs.


  1. Sooska
    March 18, 2008 8:49 am

    “No Buckshot” GNFAB

  2. BagitTagit
    March 18, 2008 9:30 am

    Ladies and gentleman of da jury… Dr. Wecht is an important part of our Picksburg culture.

    He’s made his living in Dahntahn Picksburg whenever he could have gone somewhere else.

    From S’liberty to Mt worshington, from Squorl h’l to da South h’ls, he is a part of this tahn as much as Franco Harris and Sophie Masloff.

    It is time to break dese gumbands they are holding him wit and let him git back to serving this great tahn.

    The D-FENSE rests.

    (go stillers)

  3. unsatisfied
    March 18, 2008 10:18 am

    “S’liberty” — hasn’t that been renamed “S’libertyshire”????

  4. justretiredguy
    March 18, 2008 12:52 pm

    Laidies and gentlemen of the jury. Of course Dr. Wecht, MD;JD used his county employees to drive him around. Have you ever seen him drive? Whenever he gets behind the wheel he’s crashing into buicks in Mt. Lebanon. He’s important, and he’s a doctor AND a lawyer, and he is the smartest person any of you people will ever meet. He’s autopsied aliens for Christ’s sake! So your county taxes paid for his secretary to do his personal business. So county morgue employees walked his dog, and bought hotdogs for his kid (the judge), and picked up his dry cleaning, and delivered his private correspondence. He’s goddamn Cyril Wecht, MD; JD!!! He’s better than you.

  5. Gunn Lino
    March 18, 2008 6:15 pm

    You have to give it to Jerry McDevitt saying “think about how little evidence, etc” because that’s all they can do, can’t refer to notes because our arcane laws do not allow jurors to take notes during trials, it might distract then….when most other states allow or require note taking by jurors.
    Cyril make be smart, and educated but he’s a pompous ass and most everyone knows it.

  6. witnessguy
    March 21, 2008 6:28 am

    Gunn, I was the next to the last witness for the prosecution at the trial. The jury took notes. I saw them with with legal pads on their laps. They took notes.

    Cyril is not the forensic genius the media makes him out to be. As I testified in court, Dr. Thomas Noguchi formerly of the Los Angeles County California ME’s office is a far superior forensic scientist. Wecht took time from jotting notes to look up at me and glare. (Score one for the poor gimp.)

    At the time of my mother’s death, I had just lost my job, I was penniless and just barely keeping my head above water. I was recently married and scrambling to find a full time position. McDevitt made me look like an uncaring son.

    McDevitt. Nice man, likes to rip apart handicapped people on the stand to make his client look like the best thing to happen since the Messiah. I know, I know, he was doing his job, but please allow me to place Jerry McDevitt in the hottest spot in hell. At least in my mind.

    Also as far as the defense stating the unclaimed bodies can be disposed of as the coroner deems fit, up to and including “be used to educate our children” (translated into the poor are meaningless we can use their corpes to educate the children of the wealthy). If this is true the Cyril then could have had my mother’s skinned and plasticized and put on display, without my permission, with the executed Chinese prisoners at the Science Center.

    Cryil used his employees and the bodies of the impovrished to put some more money is pocket. Will he be found guilty? Hell no. Wealthy celebrities very rarely are convicted.