An alert police officer spotted an ambulance rolling down the street with its lights on Tuesday morning, but the person driving wasn’t an emergency medical technician. Police said two EMTs with Mutual Aid ambulance service said they went into a Sunoco just before 2 a.m. on Mount Pleasant Avenue in Greensburg but when they came out, their ambulance was gone.
Police said Louis Bevalacqua stole the ride but didn’t know how to turn the lights off, so when he drove by the police officer, the officer knew something was wrong.
Police said when they stopped Bevalacqua, he immediately jumped from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat and claimed he wasn’t driving. Police said they asked him, “If you weren’t driving and you’re the only one in the ambulance, who was behind the wheel?”
Police said he didn’t have an answer for the question.
Because I care, Louis, here are some plausible answers to that question. Answers that might actually work.
- “A scientologist. He just teleported, but he’ll be right back so you might want to get out of here. Scientologists can smell abberated suppressive enthetas like you guys from miles away.”
- “Luke Ravenstahl. He just made a run for it, yo. He went that-a-way and he was wearing jeans, blue flip-flops, and a pink tank top that has PittGirl Says Drink written across the front in gold glitter. If you hurry now, you might catch him before he gets back to his Yukon. Go on. I’ll keep an eye on the ambulance for you.”