Criminals are hilarious: Volume Babillionty.

Out of Greensburg:

An alert police officer spotted an ambulance rolling down the street with its lights on Tuesday morning, but the person driving wasn’t an emergency medical technician. Police said two EMTs with Mutual Aid ambulance service said they went into a Sunoco just before 2 a.m. on Mount Pleasant Avenue in Greensburg but when they came out, their ambulance was gone.

Police said Louis Bevalacqua stole the ride but didn’t know how to turn the lights off, so when he drove by the police officer, the officer knew something was wrong.

Police said when they stopped Bevalacqua, he immediately jumped from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat and claimed he wasn’t driving. Police said they asked him, “If you weren’t driving and you’re the only one in the ambulance, who was behind the wheel?”

Police said he didn’t have an answer for the question.

Because I care, Louis, here are some plausible answers to that question.  Answers that might actually work.

  • “A scientologist.  He just teleported, but he’ll be right back so you might want to get out of here.  Scientologists can smell abberated suppressive enthetas like you guys from miles away.”
  • “Luke Ravenstahl.  He just made a run for it, yo.  He went that-a-way and he was wearing jeans, blue flip-flops, and a pink tank top that has PittGirl Says Drink written across the front in gold glitter.  If you hurry now, you might catch him before he gets back to his Yukon.  Go on. I’ll keep an eye on the ambulance for you.”

(h/t Randy)

 





10 Comments

  1. BagitTagit
    March 25, 2008 12:08 pm

    I think it was Bill. Bet he was whoopin it up at Rialto last night getting ready for Hillary’s Town Hall Meeting at UP-Greensburg.



  2. Ralph Kramden
    March 25, 2008 12:12 pm

    Bill was in the back with a couple of nurses.
    The ambulance was operating on cruise control.



  3. blech
    March 25, 2008 1:10 pm

    If there is a shirt that actually says: PittGirl Says Drink…I want it. Tell me where to get it.

    Unless someone wants to make me one.

    Seriously.



  4. Dan (Not Onarato)
    March 25, 2008 1:12 pm

    I believe the t-shirt was a limited edition and ended in Jan…is that correct PittGirl??



  5. unsatisfied
    March 25, 2008 2:06 pm

    my money is on lukey.



  6. Big Fan
    March 25, 2008 2:20 pm

    Does anyone else hurt themselves by stifling laughs while reading this shit at work?



  7. pittgirl
    March 25, 2008 2:33 pm

    blech,

    Sorry. Dan is right. It was limited edition. But my Alfred the Butler SWEARS a new limited edition PittGirl shirt is forthcoming in the very near future.



  8. blech
    March 25, 2008 3:08 pm

    PittGirl,

    I’m feverishly searching eBay anyways. I will be first in line when the next shirt comes around.

    Big Fan,
    I emailed my friend that same exact question last week.
    Our answer: yes.
    But I email my boss certain posts anyways.



  9. jason
    March 25, 2008 5:24 pm

    scientologists at level OT VIII cant save the bucs of suckitude.



  10. pro rider
    March 25, 2008 6:07 pm

    what asshole leaves the keys in, the vehicle running and the doors unlocked anywhere in Pittsburgh!