PittGirl mines Craigslist: Brace yourselves.

1. It is perfectly sane, nay, NORMAL to want to dance in the rain but to also be irrationally terrified of thunderstorms to the point that you need someone to hold you during them. Do you smell that? That’s bullshit.

2. Wow. I wish I had a giant bag of SENTENCE-ENDING PUNCTUATION TO THROW AT THIS GIRL! She and this guy need to have the sexy time.

3. “Change my oil, change my tires, chug a beer, spit on the ground, and tell me i look hot as you slap my ass and I make you the dinner you ordered.” I just … wait. WHAT?!

4. CMU! REPRESENT!

5. The Craigslist bathroom pic has reached a new low — the standing in your shower and hunching down pic. Ssssssexy!

6. I’m just posting this one because I want you all to know where I learned the phrase “a foul dwarf.”

God. That rocks. Now just to figure out who to bestow that title upon. Jeff Reed? I’ll accept other suggestions before the official naming.

7. Lose weight fast! Click here, look at picture two, and toss those cookies! I call it the Cookie Tossing Diet! I’m going to be rich.

8. Okay. I chuckled when I saw the title. I laughed outright when I saw the second picture. And I completely lost it when I saw his email address.

9. Looking for a chick who hates “people.” Just people. Gotta hate the people. (My super hot Facebook friend Leo was super brave and FURTHER mined this guy, finding him to be “The mother load of weirdness. The sultan of bat-shit crazy. The Great Bambino of Goth Hell.” The brilliant post finally descends into a YouTube video or two that will … well … did I say “brace yourselves”?)

10. Car amps for tattoo work? That makes sense. Also, that first picture. Is that the pregnant guy that was going to be on Oprah today?

(h/t Amanda who wrote, “At least he’s sterile. Am I right?” You are!)

11. I can only come up with a few possibilities as to who is seeking to hold two-hour hypnosis sessions with registered Democrats: the scientologists, the scientologists, and the scientologists. Flee!

Also, how much do you have to hate yourself to actually respond to that? How do you know that they won’t hypnotize you to kill Republicans when you hear a chicken cluck. Or worse! Cluck like a chicken when you hear a Republican! Augh! Did I say “flee” yet?





21 Comments

  1. Sooska
    April 3, 2008 10:04 pm

    #6 a “hela” monster HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH PittGirl! He obviously doesn’t know Spanish or biology but thinks he knows everything. GILA monster, you jerk loser.



  2. scottie
    April 3, 2008 10:07 pm

    cluck cluck cluck ::pecking ground and scratching::



  3. scottie
    April 3, 2008 10:07 pm

    sorry about that…Rush was on



  4. Gunn Lino
    April 3, 2008 10:33 pm

    I got the answer to the quiz, These people live in a parallel universe, they’re not really real, right ? Sorta like doppelgangers , right?
    Okay, what’s my prize?
    This was a quiz, right?



  5. Heather
    April 3, 2008 10:34 pm

    Um, yeah. The shower money shot is in the exact pose I hit when trying to stretch out jeans that are a size too small. That is sacred and should NEVER be put out to the world.



  6. Pingback: "No, but that's a real nice ski mask!"

  7. Jim
    April 4, 2008 7:42 am

    Only in the world of tattoo’s is it acceptable to say “I open and discard in front of you” :)



  8. Christina
    April 4, 2008 7:56 am

    I puked up my breakfast when I saw the pierced nipple of number 7. Nice work. I suppose I owe you some money now…

    Also, Heather’s comment made me laugh outloud. No one ever needs to see a girl stretching out her jeans. It’s an intimate, desperate moment that’s only saved for PMS times. She should show the next shot, which is the one of her gorging on dark chocolate and tearing up at the climactic scenes in “Queen Sized” on Lifetime.



  9. Stephanique1
    April 4, 2008 8:31 am

    #2 is on #9’s MySpace page list of friends…



  10. cultlord
    April 4, 2008 9:06 am

    Are the Scientologists still trying to get Ron Paul elected?



  11. Brian
    April 4, 2008 9:09 am

    2. As bad as the girl is — and she’s pretty laughably awful — the dude just made me wet my pants with laughter. Pittsburgh is so ripe with dudes like this: think they’re urban, think they know how to write poetry, think they’re “bad boys.” Hahahahaha, what a fucking dork. I bet when he drives down the road, he has oversized tires on a Toyota and probably has been bass speaker PIMPED out! Seriously, you know you go to Wal-Mart and see random children running wild with no supervision or even sign that they’ve been bathed recently? This is how it happens, by getting people like this together.

    I think we need to start a national sterilization system, and as crazily communist, totalitarian as this may sound, we need to give people no choice. You should not breed, you are not allowed to breed, you will not be able to breed. Amen, sing to Jesus, praise Allah, so it shall be written, ommmmmm.



  12. Brian
    April 4, 2008 9:10 am

    9. How did I not look at this one?! Hahahahahahahahahaha! Janus Christ. I’m IM’ing him right now.



  13. JP
    April 4, 2008 9:16 am

    PG, can you source some more of those overhead clevage shots? Its a great look. Also keep the bathroom shots coming nothing says sexy like dingy grout and plush terry cloth toilet seat covers. Borrrowed Time I swear that guy was in Paul Revere and the Raiders.



  14. Brian
    April 4, 2008 9:23 am

    Sorry. Me again. Here are Janus Christ’s PICTURES!!!! Someone give this guy the name of an actual good tattoo artist. Actually, I have one …

    http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=278930069&albumId=0



  15. joey
    April 4, 2008 9:38 am

    #5: “I am just about to turn 21, i am part latina part italian. Around 5’5-5’6 and im a thicker girl. I workout about 4 times a week and i love it. Right now i attend Penn State majoring in Psycology”

    Damn, there’s alot there to work with. I’m afraid if I snarked to much on this one girl, though, I might go directly to hell.



  16. Ms. Caroline
    April 4, 2008 10:02 am

    Just. Died. More. Inside.



  17. Kelli
    April 4, 2008 3:02 pm

    I swear #3 has been featured in a Craigslist mining before.



  18. Heavy T
    April 4, 2008 4:43 pm

    Im considering going on dates with these local hotties found on craigslist i will then write a book about my experience (if i live) and will make millions once it turns into a lifetime network program i even bet it would land on oprahs top 10 list or whatever she does

    the lack of grammar and typos were intended to fit in with my CL crowd



  19. kkinLA
    April 4, 2008 5:13 pm

    Is #6 male or female?

    And, am I square, but when did it become alluring to post pictures of your nipple rings? EWWWWWWWWwwwwwww.



  20. Justretiredguy
    April 5, 2008 10:00 pm

    I have just three words for some of these folks posting on Craigslist. Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.