David Cawley, 18, of Iroquois Avenue in McCandless waived a hearing March 28 on a charge of simple assault. Northern Regional police said that on March 19, Cawley, who was naked, jumped head-first into the open window of an officer’s patrol car in the 5600 block of Community Center Drive. Police said he injured the officer and two paramedics when taken into custody.
It’s one thing to jump into a police car through an open window. Fine. You’re nuts. We get it. But to jump into a police car through an open window while you’re stark buck naked?
Well, now you’re drug-addled nuts.
Important questions I would like answered:
1. Was he bleeding?
2. Were the officers inside of the car when the naked man jumped through their window? Because I imagine if so, it went something like: —and then when I tried to ticket the Mayor he was all, “Do you know who I am. There’s more where that came from, bub!” and so I — WHOA! DONKEY OMELETS!
3. Wouldn’t this rash of naked drugged-up dudes make for a better anti-drug public service announcement?
They should at least be punished by being forced to join together and tour local high schools with an educational, inspiring song and dance show called DRUGS ARE BAD AND WILL MAKE YOU GET NAKED AND YOU WON’T REMEMBER DOING IT!
Because the kids of the world might not care if drugs eat holes in their brain matter, but they sure as hell care about saving themselves the embarrassment of public drug-addled nudity.