Steely McBeam’s reputation is now a bit tarnished. One of the men hired by the Steelers to play the mascot has been fired.
Kenneth Hahey, 24, of Mt. Washington was charged with drunken driving after he was stopped in the South Side in January, according to Pittsburgh municipal court records. His blood alcohol level was .166, according to a police affidavit.
Lockett said Steely McBeam will still be a part of the Steelers.
“We haven’t had any discussion at all about changing that,” he said. “He’s still going to be out there in the community uninterrupted.”
1. His reputation is NOW a bit tarnished?! I’m sorry. Have I not done my job in ensuring his reputation as the dumbest idea, the scariest mascot, the most useless waste of space, THE GIANTEST VACUUM OF SUCK EVER!? I’m so disappointed in me.
2. “Uninterrupted.” What an interesting choice of words. That’s a challenge if I ever heard one. It’s now my personal goal to interrupt Steely McFreakin’Beam every chance I can. And I WON’T say “excuse me” first.
3. As a member of the Steeler organization, at least he wasn’t arrested for beating the snot out of his babymama. Of course, if he had been arrested for beating up his babymama, he’d still have his job. Bah-bah-ba! I’m here all week. Try the veal.
4. If the Steelers gave me $85,000 to be a stupid, ugly, scary, hated mascot — to just stand around and be a giant douche for only hours a week, I’d be a little bit smarter than this moron was about protecting my cushy job.
Wait. What am I saying?! If I were Steely McBeam, I would do my duty to all of Steeler Nation and kill myself in a way that would ensure that they NEVER found the body.
You’re welcome. I serve a greater purpose than myself.
(h/t Mark, Andrea, Liz, Patrick, Eileen, and all the other people I would die for)