- April 15, 2008
- filed under Ben Roethlisberger, David Conrad, Mayor Ravenstahl, Penguins, Pirates, Wendy Bell
1. While at the house of Sister of PittGirl (Penguins freak) last night eating kabobs, drinking vodka tonics, and watching the Pens DEMOLISH the Senators, she pointed out to me a little tidbit about “Jim” from The Office. First, you see that? My sister is way cooler than me because she watches The Office and I’ve never ever caught five minutes of it (but I balance that out by religiously watching 30 Rock and Scrubs). Here’s the tidbit:
John Krasinski is looking to add businessman to his resume, because he wants to open a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise. Since moving to L.A., he says that he’s been missing the coffee and the nearest branch is 390 miles away in Sacramento.
He says, “It’s my dream to open a Dunkin’ Donuts. You can’t beat the coffee. I Googled it once and the nearest one is in Sacramento. I think we can do better than that. I’m going to open one.”
Sister of PittGirl also informed me that John Krasinski is her self-united husband, so you’d all best back off.
And I think I love him a little bit too. But it’s okay. My sister weighs like 95 lbs. I can take her.
2. Today is Tax Day, AKA Federal Pillaging and Plundering Day, and in honor of me writing a $1,500 check to the IRS, Dunkin Donuts will give you a free donut if you go in today and buy a coffee. Get a donut for my sister while you’re at it.
3. I hate the IRS. Would you elect me President of the World if I instituted a flat income tax of 15%?
4. Burgh Baby’s mom went and found some baby dolls that were apparently formed in the fires of hell before Satan unleashed them on Earth. That last one? I’d have nightmares if I didn’t have a stronger constitution.
I’m going to have nightmares. If you stare into that face for longer than three minutes, Satan reaches out of the doll’s eyes and takes your soul. It’s a fact.
4. Speaking of my dreams, my Twitter followers (MINIONS!) already know this, but I had a dream about David Conrad that finally did not take place in Soldiers and Sailors Hall. This dream, he invited me to his loft to show me around. I found myself getting a kiss on the cheek from him (he did that in real life so PBTHHHH!) and then he took me into this huge, expansive loft. I mean, like the size of a football field. Huge windows overlooking Pittsburgh, green carpeting (I know.), and bare walls. I chided him about the bare walls and then … are you ready? I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD A SKATEBOARD WE COULD USE! That’s right. PittGirl didn’t say, “Do you have a bedroom. Do you have a book of poetry you can recite to me. Do you have some espresso over which we can chat? Do you have a condom?!”
No, PittGirl wanted a skateboard so that she could whip around his massive loft.
If I didn’t know myself better, I’d be thinking I’m a lesbian.
I woke up just as he pulled a skateboard out of his closet. What a waste of a David Conrad dream. Next one, subconscious, better be hella better, you hear me?
5. Woy has given me the first draft designs of the next limited edition PittGirl shirt. I think you guys are going to really like it. I haven’t forgotten that I owe a free shirt to one of the donors to Bill Toland’s fundraising efforts. I’ll keep my word on that.
6. As I gain more readers, I’m wondering if I need to do a better About page? Maybe a FAQ so that new readers can understand what the hell I’m doing here. Who is The Duke? Why do you hate pigeons? Where did this self-united crap come from? Who is The Asshat? What the hell is the “ding!” for every time you use the word “shat”? Again, just waiting for the chunk of time.
7. Two interesting search terms that landed on my blog. The first is awesome:
Is Wendy Bell PittGirl?
The second is forever burned in my brain:
“Pigeon that gave me herpes.”
Is that you, Ben Roethlisberger?
8. You didn’t hear it from me, but word is that Lukey’s wife is preggers.
Lukey as a father. Good things could come from that.
9. Pens rule! Hossa finally scores!
Speaking of the Penguins, check out these NHL lookalikes!
10. The Buccos of Suckitude are in the midst of an “occasional, fleeting whiff of mediocrity” (tm Chad Hermann), currently playing .538 ball.
I’m still not impressed.