Hey, all you die-hard, delusional Buccos of Suckitude fans that email me and chastise me for not blindly supporting the team as you feel a good Burgher should, can I school you on some things?
1. The Buccos of Suckitude are now playing .389 ball and have been overtaken by shitty Cincy in the standings. We’re only above Houston at this point because Houston has one more loss that the Buccos do and that’s because Houston has played one more game than the Buccos have. I don’t doubt the Buccos ability to lose that game in stunning fashion.
2. The reason that we’re now playing .389 ball is because the Buccos of Suckitude’s dedication to losing games in the aforementioned “stunning fashion.” They have been outscored in their last five games by 48 runs to 12 runs. Yep, 36 runs.
3. We may never see .500 ball again this season.
4. The very thing wrong with the Buccos is their inability to admit to their suck.
“It’s extremely frustrating,” Doumit said. “We’re better than this.”
Um. No ya aren’t.
5. The Buccos have more errors than any other team in baseball.
“Shocking,” said LaRoche, shaking his head. “Shocking. I don’t know what’s gotten into us.”
I do. Ya suck.
6. Stop emailing me. If the Buccos of Suckitude break .500 ball again this season and play at or above it for at least two weeks, then my God, feel free to write me and let me have it and I’ll issue an apology in triplicate. Until then, open your eyes and see the suck. Take a deep breath and smell the very very stinky suck that is Buccos of Suckitude Baseball.