Here we go again for the 16th time.

Hey, all you die-hard, delusional Buccos of Suckitude fans that email me and chastise me for not blindly supporting the team as you feel a good Burgher should, can I school you on some things?

1.  The Buccos of Suckitude are now playing .389 ball and have been overtaken by shitty Cincy in the standings.  We’re only above Houston at this point because Houston has one more loss that the Buccos do and that’s because Houston has played one more game than the Buccos have.  I don’t doubt the Buccos ability to lose that game in stunning fashion.

2.  The reason that we’re now playing .389 ball is because the Buccos of Suckitude’s dedication to losing games in the aforementioned “stunning fashion.”  They have been outscored in their last five games by 48 runs to 12 runs.  Yep, 36 runs.

3.  We may never see .500 ball again this season.

4.  The very thing wrong with the Buccos is their inability to admit to their suck.

It’s extremely frustrating,” Doumit said. “We’re better than this.”

Um.  No ya aren’t.

5.  The Buccos have more errors than any other team in baseball.

“Shocking,” said LaRoche, shaking his head. “Shocking. I don’t know what’s gotten into us.”

I do.  Ya suck.

6.  Stop emailing me.  If the Buccos of Suckitude break .500 ball again this season and play at or above it for at least two weeks, then my God, feel free to write me and let me have it and I’ll issue an apology in triplicate.  Until then, open your eyes and see the suck.  Take a deep breath and smell the very very stinky suck that is Buccos of Suckitude Baseball.


  1. unsatisfied
    April 21, 2008 7:58 am

    the record is ours! go succos!!!!

  2. mis
    April 21, 2008 8:18 am

    You know what is good about the Buccos?
    The entertainment factor.
    I watched a few innings yesterday and haven’t laughed that hard for a long time.
    Forget going out and paying to see a movie – tune in to the Bucco game.
    They are their own blooper reel.

  3. Matt
    April 21, 2008 8:33 am

    I wonder how many more years until the re-birth of the Major League movie series staring the Pittsburgh Pirates?

  4. efw_west
    April 21, 2008 8:36 am

    Just keep repeating the corporate line……everyone underachieved last year. That’s why there were no off-season moves. Really, LaRoche is a good player. So what it is in September when the games are meaningless, he’s still good part of the time.

  5. KGC
    April 21, 2008 8:49 am

    The game was on in the bar at the golf course when I finished playing on Saturday.. after the game, FSN went to their post-game show that went on forEVAH! Sh*tcan the post-game show. Who cares? Put on a movie or some real sports, for God’s sake!

  6. Maggie
    April 21, 2008 8:59 am

    Tell it like it is, PittGirl!!! Tell it like it is!

  7. bucdaddy
    April 21, 2008 9:00 am

    Speak the truth, PG. The last thing we Pirates fans want is pity. Well, maybe just a little …

  8. parking chair
    April 21, 2008 9:08 am

    How about this, PittGirl…

    If you are so sure of the Pirates’ suckitude, how about making this pledge”

    If the Pirates finish the 2008 season with a record above .500, you will give up your anonymity.

    What do you think? Are you up to this wager?

    p.s. My money is on Pittsburgh never finding out who you are.

  9. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    April 21, 2008 9:08 am

    I was in Pittsburgh over the weekend and found myself in a sports bar on Saturday afternoon. I sat myself in front of a hockey game cause, right now, who the Penguins end up playing means more than the Pirates. Cause baseball season doesn’t really start for me until the Pens are done just like hockey season doesn’t really start til the Steelers are done.

    I did keep turning and checking out the score of the pirates-cubs game, though, and every time I turned around, it had gotten worse: 1-11 to 1-13 to…

    That being said, no matter how bad the Pirates get, I’ll still watch them cause when I’m watching them, I can forget I’m surrounded by frickin’ Philadelphia fans.

  10. Sarah
    April 21, 2008 9:25 am

    I think it’s truly sad to say that kids that are graduating from college this year can’t truly remember a season when the Pirates were any good. (Myself included)

  11. Chris
    April 21, 2008 9:37 am

    In case you need further proof of organizational incompetence, I’ve been keeping track of how the Pirates stack up against the other MLB franchises that have chosen not to spend anything this season.

    As of right now, the Pirates are spending over $780,000 per win.

  12. spoon
    April 21, 2008 9:39 am

    Matt, Lets start writing on that script. I mean, it can’t be any worse than Major League 3.

    Ricky Vaughn is towards the end of his career, is picked up by the Pirates and is paid the… OK, lets just use Matt Morris as this model and be done with it.

    Lou Brown is brought in because at one time he help turn a team around and win a… wow, just like John Russell.

    Jim Rooker can come back and be in the booth and John Saunders (or was it Sanders) can relive his KBL days as the Rook’s sidekick named Monty.

    The more I look at this, the team is oddly close to the Indians from the movie.

    The difference will be that the team doesn’t get any better after the motivation of undressing the Parrot is presented and another season is flushed. Plus side is that Renee Russo makes a cameo at the Cricket Lounge.

  13. spoon
    April 21, 2008 9:40 am

    scratch that, the only celeb worth of the Cricket is Britney Spears. Renee seems more like a Blush girl.

  14. Emily
    April 21, 2008 11:29 am

    I’ll stay married to the Pirates, I have decided to start seeing the Boston Red Sox on the side – not only are they awesome but they’re just so much fun to watch. Cause, you know…they win.

  15. Brian
    April 21, 2008 11:42 am

    Trade every player not named McClouth, Snell, or Sanchez. Bay? Outta here! Laroche? Outta here! He wouldn’t hit the wall on the way out because it’s April and he doesn’t hit shit in April. Duke? Outta here! Wilson and Nady? Outta here, only because they actually try and don’t deserve this shit. Batista? Outta here! Maholm? Outta here! This team is pathetic. Pathetic! I bought three sets of game tickets, and I should have just lit $78 on fire. Maybe I’ll light the tickets on fire. Thankfully we have the Pens, who are awesome, and the Steelers. I spit on the Pirates, PNC Park, the pierogie race, the Nuttings, the Yankees and Red Sox for the hell of it, the five-year plan, David Littlefield, the all-you-can-eat seats, the Pirate Parrot, your mother if she likes them, Lanny Fratarre, the Aflac trivia challenge, the 1980s cocaine trials, Francisco Cabrerra, Sid Bream, Rod Scurry’s grave, and everything else associated with this worthless, gutless franchise.

  16. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    April 21, 2008 12:00 pm

    I know the Bucs suck, but I’ll still support them, so it’s not really blind support since I readily acknowledge their suckitude. I really don’t know how not to. If it is a Pittsburgh team, they get my support, doesn’t matter the sport. Can’t help it. It’s in my DNA. Some days I wish I had the fortitude to just make a clean break from the Pirates. We’re cool, PittGirl. I admire your strength.

    One day I will be rewarded, whether it’s with a winning season or with God taking pity on my at the pearly gates. Right now, my money is on the latter. Oh well.

  17. lovethenorthside
    April 21, 2008 12:30 pm

    i can remember taking my sons to bucs games a couple of times a week in the early 90s. now that they’re teenagers, getting them to go to pnc park to see the succos play is a little like getting satan to st. cyril’s to be blessed with holy water. it ain’t happening.

  18. Jess
    April 21, 2008 12:30 pm

    Yes saw the buccos loose it big time to the Cubs yesterday. 5 runs in one freaking inning.

  19. BBM
    April 21, 2008 1:04 pm

    What? It’s baseball season? Huh. Hadn’t noticed.

    Go Pens! (n@)

  20. justretiredguy
    April 21, 2008 1:37 pm

    They could issue each player a gun. They could probably win then.

  21. back in the burgh
    April 21, 2008 2:18 pm

    Hey, at least we have the Washington Wild Things … they have 2 exhibition games May 16-17, then their home opener is May 24. If you’ve never been to a game, it’s a good time – the players really WANT to be there, there are usually lots of hits (and action) and most of the time they win! Great seats @$8 and close (free) parking … can’t beat that! If you have kids, join the kids club – good for free tix, free food, free goodies … my kids loved it! And it’s only about 30 minutes from downtown, maybe a little less. And hey, the home opener if against the Traverse City Beach Bums … gotta love that!

  22. BURGH
    April 21, 2008 2:39 pm

    The Pirates suck, but the talent level on the Wild Things is warmed over players that can’t catch on with an MLB organization. Nice environment for the family, but not if you really want to watch the best players in the world play.

    At least at PNC, you can see the team the Pirates are playing and appreciate the talent.

  23. back in the burgh
    April 21, 2008 2:52 pm

    Good point about the talent level, BURGH. But if you have young kids, the Wild Things are a good bet. (Might be fun to see the Wild Things v Pirates this year!)

  24. BURGH
    April 21, 2008 6:55 pm

    Agreed. I’m originally from Washington County, and love what they have done there with the venue overall.

  25. PittinDC
    April 22, 2008 8:16 am

    Just so they beat the O’s in June, I’m good. I just need to be able to live in the DC Metro area and be able to hang that over their heads.