Random n’at.

1. Whew! I had planned to post earlier, but I felt I needed to give that censorship argument some room to grow and grow it did. After a few readers reprimanded me in private emails and not so private Tweets, I might be feeling a smidgen guilty about the “shove it up your ass” remark, but I absolutely stand by the “self-important windbag” insult because that’s church, baby. Either way, I enjoyed the discourse that resulted and the hilarious comments that some of you made (truly, you make me laugh, you do). I should disturb the shit more often, eh?

2. I got a new phone and it is GORGEOUS! I can’t wait to post less blurry, and less seizure-inducing camera phone shots to the blog.

3. In the comments to the Red Sugar post, reader Shibori wrote:

You know, the other day, a woman on the EBA was reading a book called “Thong on Fire: An Urban Erotic Tale.” (Want a laugh? Look it up on Amazon.)

And look it up I did and IT. IS. AWESOME! (Kinda NSFW)

Not only is the phrase “Thong on Fire” just all sorts of hilarious, the author’s PREVIOUS book was called … ready? …. Thug-a-licious!

I wonder if my library carries Thug-a-licious? I wonder if Jo-Beth will host the author of a book called Thug-a-licious? I could say thugalicious all day. Thugalicious. Would you say that the Asshat is thugalicious?

But back to Thong on Fire, here’s the author’s inscription:

I wish I had some friends named Juicy, Candy, and Saucy.

Also, Google Book Search has a lengthy excerpt of which the first page of the book includes the erotic phrase, “Whomp! Whomp! Whomp!”

Whoa! That’s thugalicious, a’ight.

4. Reader Beth jokingly emailed me to say that I might be interested in getting these for my dog.

If I ever attempted to put anything on the faces of my little freaky dogs that was not made out of Snausages, they would not only find a way to chew the things off of their faces, but then they would spend the rest of the week strategically pooping in my shoes and probably licking my toothbrush when I’m at work. They’re vindictive little buggers.

5. Troysus has NOT shaved the fug off of his face yet.

(h/t The Mysterious M)

6. Team president Frank Coonelly said about the poor attendance at the Pirates games this year:

“Nevertheless, it is a shame that more fans have not been able to enjoy Pirates baseball at PNC Park to date.”

Dude! The reason we have not “been able to enjoy Pirates baseball” is because Pirates baseball SUCKS! Hard.

Asking us to shell out hard-earned cash to eat five-dollar nachos and drink six-dollar beers while we watch The Buccos of Suckitude take the field is like asking us to give you money to see a field of flowers grow, or old-people synchronized swimming, or Jimmy Buffett.

Not happening. (Just teasing, Parrotheads.)

Give us something to “enjoy” and maybe we’ll actually come and enjoy it. Unfortunately, I don’t particularly enjoy sitting above a giant vacuum of suck. It’s very very windy.

(h/t EFW_West)

7. Thugalicious.


  1. dwight
    April 24, 2008 5:11 am

    “Thugalicious.” I soooooo need to use that as a blog post heading!

  2. Vanessa
    April 24, 2008 6:34 am

    The beers have gone up to $7, by the way. I was thrilled to discover that last night while supporting my Team of Suck.

  3. TC
    April 24, 2008 6:55 am

    My favorite line from “Thongs”:

    “A little birdie had dropped some real gutta shit in my ear.”

    I cannot wait to use that in everyday conversation. I am now anxiously looking for any good rumor so that I may spread it, only because I want to lead into it with that.

    Until then, I’ll just have to use that to refer to what the little birdies do to my car.

  4. unsatisfied
    April 24, 2008 7:34 am

    I went to a game two weeks ago (thanks to free tix — c’mon, I ain’t payin’ to see this shit on the field) and my beer was $7-fitty.

    that was definitely NOT thugalicious.

    we left after half of an inning — thanks to the rain and unthugalicious beer prices — and went to mullen’s to watch the last 2 periods of the pens’ playoff game.

    much betta choice.

    the succos’ attendance is even worse than the florida marlins.

    the marlins, people!!!

    yeah, go get that “16 years of suck” record, succos!

  5. John
    April 24, 2008 7:40 am

    Worst. Attendance. In. The. League. Nuff said.

    (yet somehow they manage to actually win 2 in a row… guess you truly can’t lose ’em all)

  6. LisaC
    April 24, 2008 8:46 am

    I knew a girl who would put those doggles on her dog – and he would FREEZE. It paralyzed him. He didn’t know what to make of it so he just sat there until she took them off.

    I don’t think my dogs (golden and black lab) would enjoy that too much!

  7. Lisa
    April 24, 2008 8:47 am

    WTF….Troy looks like he should be riding in a horse and buggy in Lancaster!!!

  8. Sarah S
    April 24, 2008 8:49 am

    TC: Loved that line too. Also “sexing is her weapon, she’ll go grimy to exploit it.”

  9. Johnny
    April 24, 2008 9:53 am

    The Pirates need to use my idea to boost attendance and make it a more enjoyable experience. They need to have 3 hours of Pierogi races and ony 3 minutes of what they refer to as “baseball”.

  10. Shibori
    April 24, 2008 10:02 am

    Aw, I inspired a post! I’m glad to see that others share my surprise that ghetto-rotica is a thriving literary sub-genre. And who can’t fall in love with a protagonist named Saucy Robinson (born in Harlem to a black ex-GI father and a junkie Korean prostitute mother, and is pimped out at the age of eight to various men and her mom’s lesbian lover)? Amazon suggest that you might also enjoy “Forever a Hustler’s Wife, a Novel,” “Whore,” “Thug Matrimony,” “Candy Licker,” “G-Spot,” and “Bitch Reloaded.”

  11. JT
    April 24, 2008 10:02 am

    Um, is Theodora preggers in that pic?

  12. KGC
    April 24, 2008 10:20 am

    #6. Even though the Pirates have won 2 in a row, they still suck. When you suck as bad as they have, no amount of “less suck” will ever get them to “no suck”. I’ll bet they couldn’t even beat the Wild Things (or whatever the Washington, PA team is called).

  13. NY Luvs Pitts
    April 24, 2008 10:21 am

    JT, I was thinking the same thing. Hmmmmmm.

  14. Heather
    April 24, 2008 10:49 am

    11. & 13. It definitely looks like it. We’ll have to do some digging so that TC can say, “A little birdie had dropped some real gutta shit in my ear…Theodora Polamalu is preggers”

  15. Sooska
    April 24, 2008 11:23 am

    #5 Troysus is keeping his beard for the NHL playoffs and in solidarity with Sid, Geno, etc.

  16. lovethenorthside
    April 24, 2008 12:19 pm

    could you see your dogs wearing these?

  17. Kathy
    April 24, 2008 1:06 pm

    My favorite thing about the Doggles is that the ad compares them to “ordinary dog sunglasses”. Is there really such thing as ordinary dog sunglasses? I can’t believe people buy this stuff or that the poor dogs stand for it.

  18. Sofa King
    April 24, 2008 2:25 pm

    Hey, don’t knock the Doggles. They come in handy when our Labrador wants to use the table saw or grinder.

    Sarah S, you totally picked out my best line. I’m not up on my urban lingo, but does “going grimey” gave me the mental image of lubing up one’s naughty bits with used motor oil. I guess that’s what she means, right?

    I’ve heard that Troy’s been hanging out in Squirrel Hill and is considering changing his name to Troy Polamalu-Goldstein.

  19. Pensgirl
    April 24, 2008 2:46 pm

    Unsatisfied, it sounds like your PNCP experience was actually very thugalicious. After all, don’t thugs take your money and give you a cold, empty feeling in return?

  20. Sarah S
    April 25, 2008 7:51 am

    Sofa, Im not sure how intimidated I would be by grimey sexing. I think I might have to say, “Bitch clean that shit up!”

  21. unsatisfied
    April 25, 2008 10:09 am

    Pensgirl — I see your point.

    but, I was taking “thugalicious” in the context of it being a “good” thing — like “bad” was back in the 80’s, as run-dmc put it: “He’s a big bad wolf in your neighborhood/Not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good.”

    or something….

    one thing that I will say that night at pnc park — the employees were kickass. from the lady who stole, I mean, took my 7-fitty for my one beer to the lady who sold me my food to the lady usher who wiped our seats down for us to the dude usher who took our picture — every one of them was nothing short of NICE.

    now, THEY were definitely thugalicious — in the “good” way.

  22. spoon
    April 25, 2008 11:08 am

    unsatisfied, you sir are thugalicious.