Random n’at.

1.  A conversation between PittGirl and Sister of PittGirl:

[picking up a copy of James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces that is lying on Sister of PittGirl’s table] What’s this, Sister of PittGirl?

Oh, PittGirl, that is a great book about —

It’s lies, you know?  All lies.

I know, but some of it is based in fact and–

Lies, I tell you.  All lies!

But it’s a really good book and —

I know.  I read it.

Oh.  Ok.  So you know that it —

LIES!  ALL LIES!

[Grumble]

I love to mess with her.  So fun.

2.  If it snows in late April/practically May, almost killing the Hibiscus planter you left outside thinking it was, I don’t know SPRING!, after you shake a fist at the weather gods, you should be allowed to sic a rabid starving pigeon on any person that dares to breathe a word about “global warming” unless that person says specifically, “Global warming, my ass.”

3.  Does anyone have a good picture of Jim Lokay (fanclub = 77 members) that I can superimpose the word FAIL on his forehead?  My Facebook fan club currently has 301 members and NONE of them are people that I made up out of thin air with the Random Name Generator.

How long before I can overtake that world-famous Burgher iJustine (164 fan club members but over 1,000 supporters)?

I know. Never.

Darn you, iJustine and your hot nerdy hotness.

Also, if I HAD used the Random Name Generator, these are the names I would pick:

  • Diggory  Bryan
  • Tilly  Diller
  • Pip  Bullard
  • Ormerod  Coveney
  • Hebe  Fiscina
  • Chet  Priebe

There are just not enough people in the world named Ormerod.  I think I’ll name my mp3 player Ormerod. Wait, scratch that.  Diggory Ormerod Coveney.  Yeah.  Solid.  Sounds like the kind of guy that Saucy Carmiesha Juicy would show her thong to.

4.  Father of the year.

Ok.  I’m trying not to judge, I am.  But, you know what sucks?  My sister and brother-in-law are going through the process to adopt a foster child.  In order to become a foster parent/adopt a foster child you have to go through this insanely rigorous process that includes hours and hours of classes, CPR training, home visits, a medical physical, criminal history checks, etc.  You even have to have a fire escape plan posted in your house!  So my sister basically has a piece of paper near her stairs that says, “Turn around.  The door is RIGHT. THERE!”

But any loser with a couple million good swimmers with a hankering for eggs can bring a child into a life where “420” rules.

Like, way to advertise it, dad.

5.  Yikes!

I am a well known member of the local bdsm community and by escorting me to various functions you will gain acceptance more quickly within the community along with being invited to attend various functions and private parties.

Well, aren’t we all looking to get ahead in the local BDSM community?

Also?  Is it really that hard to gain acceptance in the local BDSM community?  Don’t you just show up and say, “I’m a freak!” and they start hugging you?

I think I might need to become less of an innocent, eh?  And DEFINITELY less judgmental of the freaks.

HAH!

I’m kidding!  Don’t write me, yo.





27 Comments

  1. plexxer
    April 29, 2008 11:06 am

    Random Names: There’s a local (McMurray) CPA named Rolf Otterness.



  2. pittgirl
    April 29, 2008 11:08 am

    Do you think he picks up his phone and says, “Rolf!” so that it sounds like he’s barking?

    Gosh, I hope so. That is a WONDERFUL name.



  3. Ms. Caroline
    April 29, 2008 11:58 am

    There is a guy in Forest Hills named Richard Harden. Guess what his friends call him?



  4. Mr. Dobalina Mr. Bob Dobalina
    April 29, 2008 12:14 pm

    Horst Schlämmer & Gisela Winkler were 2 of my favs in Deutschland

    I also know a Mose Dootson



  5. parking chair
    April 29, 2008 12:34 pm

    My significant other went to high school with a guy named Richard Powers.

    No, he did not go by Richard… or Rich.

    Yep, she graduated with Dick Powers. Talk about trying to live up to your name!



  6. Megs
    April 29, 2008 1:02 pm

    #5 – we’re recently approved for domestic adoption, its ridiculously time consuming, intrusive and pricey (referring to the homestudy). Good luck to your sister!!



  7. Danielle
    April 29, 2008 1:02 pm

    1. Kaylee Albright
    2. Corine Schrader
    3. Zula Bicknell
    4. Kelsey Muller
    5. Lydia Lacon
    6. Alethea Mull
    7. Shantell Schmiel
    8. Kelle Wells
    9. Treena Eve
    10. Britteny Gibson

    Shantell Schmiel?



  8. Danielle
    April 29, 2008 1:05 pm

    Wait…here’s the boys:

    1. Ronny Winton
    2. Allan Pawle
    3. Raymundo Fleming
    4. Roosevelt Widaman
    5. Boyce Murray
    6. Gonzalo Hawkins
    7. Ervin Zadovsky
    8. Roy Fylbrigg
    9. Douglas Thomlinson
    10. Thaddeus Cattley

    Shantell and Roosevelt are sooo getting married.



  9. Sarah S
    April 29, 2008 1:06 pm

    Herbie Ironmonger



  10. spoon
    April 29, 2008 1:18 pm

    I’m friends with a guy named Dick Hammer. seriously.



  11. toni
    April 29, 2008 2:09 pm

    Umm I would think if U went to a BDSM community function you would NOT want them to hug you after uttering “I’m a freak.” What you would want is a few round house kicks n blows a la the blissful wedded Wielechowski’s. Now there’s an idea…make the Wielechowski anniversary’s an annual BDSM event.

    True weirdest name I know: Goodcakes Smedley



  12. In Sewickley
    April 29, 2008 2:15 pm

    Hey PittGirl,

    Check your Facebook messages!!! I have surprises for you!!!



  13. Katie
    April 29, 2008 2:16 pm

    There is a plumbing company in Erie called Dick Morewood.



  14. BagitTagit
    April 29, 2008 2:27 pm

    I once knew a girl from Nantucket…



  15. Mrs Pitsberger
    April 29, 2008 2:38 pm

    PG, I could provide a picture of Jim Lokay, but it might compromise my identity.



  16. In Sewickley
    April 29, 2008 3:30 pm

    Katie…. the Dick Morewood company is on CollegeHumor.com. When I lived in Erie I saw those trucks every friggin’ day!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  17. Magnus Patris
    April 29, 2008 3:50 pm

    Swear to you, my wife’s cousin in Virginia has a gynecologist named Harry Beaver; he has a brother, also a doctor named Seymore. I believe he’s an optomologist. I shit thee not.



  18. Shibori
    April 29, 2008 9:02 pm

    I know a Crystal Chanda Lear, who predictably became a stripper.

    #5- From BDSM girl: “Attach a recent photograph of yourself that is a regular photo and not genitalia.”

    This should be the closing line of every Craiglist post. Even the job postings.



  19. Mitch Cumstein
    April 29, 2008 10:36 pm

    Renaldo Lapuz…he was my brother…my best friend forever.



  20. DW
    April 29, 2008 10:55 pm

    I’ve worked w/ a guy named Dick Beaver…and another named Richard Breath. For real. It’s hard not to comment!



  21. Magnus Patris
    April 29, 2008 10:59 pm

    Also Thomas Crapper did not invent the toilet and Otto Titsling did not invent the brassiere. However Carlotta Tendent was the first successful owner of a $2 all day parking lot in Pittsburgh in the 1930’s.



  22. PensRule
    April 30, 2008 7:43 am

    To #4… you ever see Idiocracy? Enough said. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a great flick but might disturb you a bit.



  23. Jim
    April 30, 2008 8:15 am

    Global warming…MY ASS!!!
    Just follow the money…first academia strikes fear into population with alarmism of “climate change” (Oh my Gawd the polar bears are dyyyiing!)…then they say “We must study this!!”…Then they say “We need $$$$$$ (government grants) to study this!”…Then they say “We need more of YOUR TAX DOLLARS to study this!” You get the picture.



  24. JP
    April 30, 2008 10:06 am

    Brilliant Jim. Science Magazine analyzed the 928 peer-reviewed scientific papers on global warming published between 1993 and 2003. Not a single one challenged the scientific consensus the Earth’s temperature is rising due to human activity. I guess all those “scientists” are part of a huge conspiracy, but you, with your expert scientific acumen saw through their little ruse to steal your tax dollars. Man you are a genius, you must be a brilliant scientist in your own right. What is your field of expertise: chemistry, physics, biology?



  25. Zsa
    April 30, 2008 10:29 am

    I kind of love the BDSM lady for saying that all emails with poor grammar and typing will be deleted. Maybe if they take a stand on this in the fetish community it will trickle down to regular folk.



  26. Jim
    May 1, 2008 11:06 pm

    Biology with Ecology emphasis. Nobody bullshits me. It’s all about the MONEY…ask Dr. William Gray, renowned climatologist/hurricane forecaster.
    You must be gettin’ some o’ dat federal funding, JP…or just a dupe.



  27. Jim
    May 1, 2008 11:07 pm

    …and screw Science magazine…they make their money off JUNK science too.