Good morning, PRINCESS!

There are certain things you shouldn’t have to see before 9:00 a.m.

An empty cup of coffee.

A pigeon.

An email from your boss.

Your boss.

A clearly wasted, partying hard in Vegas Jeff Skippy Skeeve Foul Dwarf Reed wearing any of the following:  A tiara, a slut, a taffeta sash, or a bib that says, “I [heart] dick.”

I bet Franco Harris has never worn a bib that says “I [heart] dick” and allowed his photo to be proudly snapped.  I bet there is no woman with a picture of a very naked Lynn Swann showing off his steely mcbeam in her shower.

Look.  Yes.  Life is great when you’re a rich Steeler.  You’re only human.  You’re a man.  With wants, needs, faults.  Women throw themselves at you, even when you’re a dwarf as foul as Jeff Reed.  The women still want you.  YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN!  I get it.  But must your faults and missteps and sexual conquests be so diligently and widely documented?

Stop BEING GIANT NASTY SMELLY DOUCHE BAGS convinced that this newfangled digit-all camera technology doesn’t really take your picture in a manner that allows it to be almost instantly uploaded to the masses so that they can point at you and likely scream in horror.

Keep it in your pants.  Grow up.  Don’t get wasted in public.  Don’t beat up the mother of your children.  Do realize that part of being an over-paid professional athlete means that you need to operate with a different set of morals than you would perhaps live by were you not a Steeler.  So that the gazillions of kids that idolize you don’t ever Google your name and accidentally stumble across a high-res picture of your donkey omelets and your “tree trunk dong” (tm Mikey from KISS 96.1 in an email to me).

(h/t photos from Jim, story from Mikey from The Freakshow, Father Spoon who wrote “people probably thought it was Mario Lopez’s mentally challenged brother”, and DW)





20 Comments

  1. chrys
    April 30, 2008 8:42 am

    All I can say is he looks like a walking STD!! ewww

    “people probably thought it was Mario Lopez’s mentally challenged brother”

    BRILLIANT!!



  2. unsatisfied
    April 30, 2008 8:47 am

    holy crap.

    I just threw up like that one marionette from “team america: world police” movie….



  3. Dawn
    April 30, 2008 9:10 am

    Wow….Jeff Reed truly is one of the skeeviest guys ever…. I miss his old spiked-up haircut though from last summer. At least if you saw that haircut coming through the crowd at a bar, you knew to high tail it out of that bar before you were caught in Jeff Reed’s Web of STDs.



  4. Chad
    April 30, 2008 9:18 am

    I’m pretty sure I heard that Skippy was in Vegas for a baptism, so it’s all good.



  5. Brother Anthony
    April 30, 2008 9:41 am

    It looks to me like Skippy is now renting himself out for bachelorette parties. Slick. Seems to keep him in better shape than his post-Super-Bowl “celebrity” circuit.



  6. NY Luvs Pitts
    April 30, 2008 9:47 am

    Chad, from the looks of those pics it ain’t all good. PG, you tell ’em Steelers about themselve. I love them but they’ve been pretty embarrassing lately. I think they need to have a football game once a month in the off-season to keep them busy. They just don’t seem to know what to do with themselves when they are not playing football.



  7. pittgirl
    April 30, 2008 9:51 am

    Chad,

    Oh, SNAP!



  8. sparkky
    April 30, 2008 9:51 am

    and what’s with the “pursing lips” that these Sopranos-wannabe, meat-neck idiots all seem to do when they have their picture taken? what an asshat.



  9. Dan (Not Onarato)
    April 30, 2008 9:56 am

    I feel dirty…..oh so dirty



  10. Bram R
    April 30, 2008 10:15 am

    Wow, that is clearly the Hard Rock Casino / Hotel pool, and that is clearly the $18 “Tiki”-sized bloody mary! Good times.



  11. Puma
    April 30, 2008 10:29 am

    I once was at a fundraiser where Franco Harris and I were chosen to hula with two female Hawaiian Dancers. In the pictures, I’m seen clear-as-day making an idiot out of myself. But Franco? He’s always turned from the camera. It could be Franco Harris… or a hundred guys named Joe. But later, Franco posed for pictures with the girls, myself and the fundraiser.

    The Great Ones just know when to perform.



  12. Mrs Pitsberger
    April 30, 2008 10:52 am

    I desperately hope that girl that he’s groping is not the “Bride to Be.” What happens in Vegas CLEARLY does not stay in Vegas.



  13. parking chair
    April 30, 2008 1:14 pm

    I guess his “I HEART shaving my groin” bib was in the laundry.



  14. John
    April 30, 2008 2:12 pm

    Darn! I was just in Vegas a few weeks ago. If I’d have been there a little bit later, I could have hooked up with Skippy for some rip-roaring, asshatted goodness. Or I could have avoided him like his was a walking STD and made fun of him from a far. Probably the latter.



  15. KGC
    April 30, 2008 5:54 pm

    Re: The babe in the picture…

    I’d hit it. Twice on Sunday. (As long as Skivvy hadn’t).



  16. Gunn Lino
    April 30, 2008 7:22 pm

    There’s a web site, something like douchbag guys and hot chicks, it’s a wonder that Jeffy is not a charter member.



  17. heavy t
    April 30, 2008 8:18 pm

    i don’t see anything wrong with what he is doing. he isn’t breaking any laws and he isn’t doing anything illegal
    who cares if he makes an arse out of himself
    millions of people visit Las Vegas every year and make bigger fools of themselves
    jeff reed – rock out with your co_k out for all i care
    if you dont like it dont look at it or listen to it



  18. Mitch Cumstein
    April 30, 2008 10:07 pm

    Don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing????

    He’s been known to give people a bad case of THE AIDS just by brushing up against them in the airport.



  19. Still A Fan
    May 1, 2008 7:34 am

    arent kickers supposed to be geeks who hide in corners?

    the only upside to this is his confidence level. kickers need to have confidence to be successful and my boy has bucketloads of confidence.



  20. dwight
    May 1, 2008 12:25 pm

    My mind knows he’s a giant douche, but my, um, heart, yeah my heart, still loves him. God, I need therapy.