HAH! Take that!

Some sick bastard and by sick bastard I mean “my hero” is shooting Seattle’s pigeons in the head with darts.

Someone is impaling pigeons in downtown Seattle with metal darts, and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is putting up $2,000 to help find out who. “This is just a horrifying case,” she said. “Someone who would do this to an animal is a short step away from doing this to a human being.”

Okay, first of all, let me make it perfectly clear that I have not been to Seattle yet in my life.

Second, when I hear that pigeons are being impaled with darts through their heads, I am aware that society dictates that I be aghast and being PC dictates that I write about it and use words like “horrifying” and “deranged” and “vile monster” but instead the only words going through my head when I see this picture:

Are these words right here:

Clearly. I am a cold heartless bitch and I need therapy to get in touch with my feeeeeelings.

Whatever.

It’s funny as hell.

Also, when I look at that picture, I keep hearing this high-pitched voice with an English accent:  “Do I have something on my head, Gov’nah?”

(h/t reader C H)





16 Comments

  1. PETA
    April 30, 2008 4:44 pm

    “Someone who would do this to an animal is a short step away from doing this to a human being.”

    Only if said human is a peta freak. But then again they’re not human at all.

    People eating tasty animals. Yum!



  2. Trish
    April 30, 2008 6:33 pm

    I’ve been to Seattle and there are metric fucktons of pigeons there. THIN OUT THE HERD!



  3. mis
    April 30, 2008 9:27 pm

    Well, if you do make it to Seattle to find your hero, be sure to take a detour to Portland, Oregon to the Le Pigeon restaurant.
    I kid you not – there is one. Scary.



  4. Magnus Patris
    April 30, 2008 9:42 pm

    I am a member of the Pittsburgh chapter of PETA — People Eating Tasty Animals. Animals are carnivoralicious! Yum!



  5. Magnus Patris
    April 30, 2008 9:44 pm

    By the way, if PETA finds the dude (I’m 99% sure it’s a dude) who’s doing this in Seattle, can we start a collection to fly him here and set him up in the Roosevelt for a few weeks? Let him work his “craft” here.



  6. dr satbir bhullar
    May 1, 2008 12:03 am

    Left the site for awhile and came back at the urging of a friend. Low and behold we are still talking about FREAKING PIGEONS! Give me a break! Please tell me tens of Pittsburghers don’t waste their hopeless lives talking about pigeons everyday?



  7. Mark Denovich
    May 1, 2008 5:49 am

    That’s a blow gun dart.

    I had one as a kid (and have a chipped front tooth to prove it.) It was surprisingly accurate and I could drive a dart through 3/8″ of plywood with a good puff. But as that photo demonstrates, lacking a handy supply of cuarae or poison arrow frogs, the dart by itself leaves a lot to be desired as a weapon.



  8. dwight
    May 1, 2008 6:40 am

    PittGirl, you’re becoming the biggest villainess this side of Sheila Carter!

    In this scene (http://youtube.com/watch?v=6mFYwJz2oSk), I so wanna recast PittGirl as Sheila and Pigeon as Lauren.



  9. PittGirl
    May 1, 2008 7:17 am

    EPIC FIGHT!

    Love it. Thanks, Dwight!



  10. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    May 1, 2008 7:32 am

    Am I’m the only one that looks at that picture and thinks that the pigeon is doing the bird equivalent of Steve Martin’s arrow through the head gag?



  11. Burgher in Maine
    May 1, 2008 7:55 am

    Jeff Reed is featured on the best website on the net today:

    hotchickswithdouchebags.com



  12. NY Luvs Pitts
    May 1, 2008 8:26 am

    Talking about dead pigeons,Fox NY just reported that a lady and her son was arrested in NJ for dumping a bag of decapitated pigeons that they used in their Santeria ceremonies.



  13. BurgherinArkansas
    May 1, 2008 11:53 am

    Is anyone else amazed at how this pigeon is not dead? Must be one of Satans pigeons.



  14. DeutschtownFrau
    May 1, 2008 4:39 pm

    “Le Pigeon” in Portland is awesome — best meal ever, twice in one weekend. Their t-shirt has a pigeon posed like the American eagle clutching a knife and fork in its claws with the ribbon floating behind its head reading, “Eat squab.” And I did. And it was good.

    Problem solved?



  15. atlburgher
    May 3, 2008 11:34 am

    When I was little my grandmother lived in McKees Rocks (before it went ultra-ghetto) and she had a problem with pigeons constanly being in her yard and dirty-ing her car…she fixed the problem by soaking 2 cups of minute rice in vodka and spreading it in the yard…As we all know those Winged Rats will eat anything…the drunk pigeons couldn’t fly straight and ran full speed into cars and buildings. The pigeons were becoming less and less and my grandmother didn’t feel guilty because all she had done was feed them…