Girls rule. Boys are stupid naked drugged up drunks.

That’s right, men of the Pittsburgh Men’s Blogging Society. I said it.

I’m the furthest thing from a radical feminist, it’s true. I want my door held. I want your bus seat if there aren’t any left. I want you to let me go first. I want you to hold my elbow when I walk on ice.

I am capable of admitting that on the whole, men are the physically stronger sex. I don’t care if that makes me seem “weak,” because in my heart I know that enjoying all the fun and makeup and shoes that comes with being the “gentler sex” does not mean that I can’t whip your butt at tennis. It does not mean that if you cross me, I won’t make you pay for it dearly in a way that’s not so much “gentle” as it is “painful” and “did she really just kick me THERE?

Put me in a room with a die-hard feminist (hiya, Jan Beatty) and I guarantee within ten minutes that girl will be Chuck Norris-ing me with all her might while screaming something about “traitor to the sex.”

When I was a young girl and a teenager, and come to think of it, now as an adult, I almost always took/take my father’s side in an argument. “But Mom, did you ASK him to do the dishes or did you just assume that he would know they needed done? Did you actually ASK him to cut the three-foot high grass or did you just assume that he would know it needed done? Did you TELL him you didn’t want a gallon-size bottle of Jean-Nate for your birthday?”

This pisses my awesome mother off like you would not believe.

But I call ’em like I see ’em, so I’m going to go ahead and say, “WTF is up with all the naked running around and being stupid that the boys are doing these days?”

Two Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins were charged by Scranton police following an incident early Sunday morning in which the team captain allegedly ran naked in view of a police officer. According to the police report, officer Michael Marino was on routine patrol at 2:29 a.m. along the 100 block of Adams Avenue when he saw a group of men standing in the street. As he drove closer, one man, who police later identified as Nathan Smith, came out from behind the group and started running naked toward Marino’s location.

When God made men, did he put the hunter/gatherer thread in the DNA and then accidentally spill some “LET’S GET NAKED!” string in there?

Santonio’s boy parts, SNBM’s boy parts, SNBM 2.0’s boy parts, Baby Penguin’s boy parts, Jeff Reed’s shaved boy parts. Geez!

At least while the girls of the Burgh are beating the crap out of our sister with said sister’s own prosthetic leg, or throwing metal planters at Good Samaritans (allegedly), or shooting our nephew when he rides by on his ATV, or leaving our baby in a car while we go buy drugs, we for the most part know how to break the law with OUR CLOTHES ON!

God.

Stupid warmongering, pillaging, drunk, drugged, naked boys.

(If you do not understand satire or if you do not have a sense of humor, you are not allowed to write me and yell at me. That goes for all y’all. Boys and girls.)

(h/t reader Ed)





29 Comments

  1. Erin
    May 1, 2008 8:31 am

    fem·i·nism –noun 1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

    I don’t understand how a woman can say she isn’t a feminist. It doesn’t mean you’re a man-hating, bra-burning militant lesbian – is that stereotype still actually floating around?

    You can be a guy’s girl, and appreciate the physical and other differences between the sexes, and enjoy chivalry, and still believe that women are freaking equal to men in the ways stated above. My goodness.



  2. pittgirl
    May 1, 2008 8:38 am

    Erin. I think maybe you took my post a little too seriously.



  3. pittgirl
    May 1, 2008 8:41 am

    But just for you, I added in the word “radical”.



  4. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    May 1, 2008 8:42 am

    I don’t think men are more likely to get naked in public than women. It’s just that men are dumb enough to do it for free. Women, on the other hand, know to get something for their nudity, like horizontally-folded one-dollar bills or Girls Gone Wild t-shirts.



  5. pittgirl
    May 1, 2008 8:43 am

    HAH!



  6. Heather
    May 1, 2008 9:03 am

    I almost got Chuck Norris’d myself about two weeks ago when I said that I never used a lawn mower or a weed wacker before and if given the choice, I wouldn’t. A woman at the table scolded me and said that I’d feel better if I did it myself.

    Um, no. I weed wacked my yard this past Sunday and let me tell you, NEVER AGAIN. It sucked it so hard and I didn’t feel better about having wacked weeds. Weed wacking is boys’ work. Or at least it isn’t this girl’s work.



  7. pittgirl
    May 1, 2008 9:06 am

    Whacking weeds. Killing spiders. Shooting clowns and howler monkeys. Fixing cars.

    BOYS WORK!

    Amen, sister.



  8. Chad
    May 1, 2008 9:06 am

    Saying Erin took your post too seriously is like saying Jeff Reed is a skeeve; it’s already so self-evident that even to acknowledge it is redundant.



  9. JamieO
    May 1, 2008 9:08 am

    PittGirl,

    Am I taking you too seriously if I say I read the title of this post and thought “God, what did Jeff Reed do now.”



  10. REARless
    May 1, 2008 9:16 am

    Amen. I have been married, to a great girl, for 15 years. But she has just has just realized in the past year or so that I am not a mind reader.

    She dismisses my lack of telepathy as stupidity, that is fine.



  11. Dave
    May 1, 2008 9:20 am

    Is it just me or does the guy in that picture look like Lukey with a mousy-brown fro?



  12. tw
    May 1, 2008 9:35 am

    PG,

    This is not just a Pittsburgh trend. Here’s an article from out here in Reading, PA about a drugged naked guy who ran along the highway (they actually had to shut down the highway for him). The funny thing is every time they mention the incident in the paper (at least 5 times already) they always accompany it with the “naked” picture (usually on the front page). Too funny.

    http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=90341



  13. Erin
    May 1, 2008 9:39 am

    See? The “radical” does make all the difference!

    Ha, JamieO, re: Jeff Reed.



  14. tw
    May 1, 2008 9:41 am

    p.s.

    Here’s the original picture that accompanied Reading naked guy…although it’s much more visible in the actual paper.

    http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=86959



  15. Chad
    May 1, 2008 9:44 am

    That guy in Reading didn’t just run along the highway naked. His was one of the all-time great, mind-and-almost-other-organ-blowing naked stunts.

    While driving along the (always crowded) West Shore Bypass, he (somehow) climbed naked onto the roof of his minivan, where he stood/surfed until the vehicle went out of control and struck the guardrail, whereupon he was catapulted off the van, over the guardrail, and down a steep embankment, from which he soon emerged, cut and beaten and bleeding and, by some accounts, with part of his intestines hanging out of a huge gash in his abdomen. THEN he ran naked along the highway.

    The gold standard of naked stupidity, that is.



  16. Kat
    May 1, 2008 9:44 am

    Weed wacking is boys’ work.

    It may be boys’ work, but seeing as I live alone, that grass isn’t going to cut itself.



  17. BobM
    May 1, 2008 9:48 am

    Whacking weeds. Killing spiders. Shooting clowns and howler monkeys. Fixing cars.

    BOYS WORK!

    Sorry PG, but I have to say that shooting clowns falls in the same category as shooting pigeons; that is to say a gender-neutral activity that makes the world a better place.
    :)
    I’ll gladly hold open a door for you anytime.



  18. John
    May 1, 2008 9:54 am

    I really just don’t understand the appeal of gettin’ all nekkid and then running around in public. Did we take a trip back in time to the 70s? Has streaking become en vogue again like mohawks? And if so, why wasn’t I consulted?

    Memo to Nathan Smith – good luck getting called up to the Pens next season, and if you do, be prepared to have every reporter ask you about this incident.

    And PG? I hate weed whacking and mowing the lawn with the intensity of 1000 suns, but I’ll gladly hold the door open for you or hold your elbow while you’re walking on the ice. Chivalry isn’t dead and wanting that from your guy is a very cool thing, I think (and rather empowering).



  19. unsatisfied
    May 1, 2008 9:59 am

    “While driving along the (always crowded) West Shore Bypass, [b] he (somehow) climbed naked onto the roof of his minivan, where he stood/surfed [/b] until the vehicle went out of control and struck the guardrail, whereupon he was catapulted off the van, over the guardrail, and down a steep embankment, from which he soon emerged, cut and beaten and bleeding and, by some accounts, with part of his intestines hanging out of a huge gash in his abdomen. THEN he ran naked along the highway.”

    who did he think he was, teen wolf?

    drugs are bad, umkay?



  20. Ms. Caroline FB
    May 1, 2008 10:32 am

    I think society needs to be a little less uptight about nudity. Committing a crime is one thing, but committing a crime naked is hilarious!

    I’m totally about men being gentlemen. As long as I get paid the same.

    :)



  21. Uncle Crappy
    May 1, 2008 10:51 am

    Maybe this is a hockey thing? I covered my alma mater’s team in college, and they had a tradition of naked stage diving — from the top of a homemade bard — during post-game house parties. I was even invited to participate one weekend; I think I told them I was saving myself for marriage.



  22. Pingback: ThatNight

  23. Mitch Cumstein
    May 1, 2008 4:52 pm

    Jebus…you know you’re hitting the crack pipe a little too hard when you end up with your guts falling out our your belly and it still takes five hits with the Taser to get you down.



  24. In Sewickley
    May 2, 2008 12:17 am

    Imagine being the security guard whose elbow is wrapped around the streaker’s Jeff Reed.



  25. lin
    May 2, 2008 4:28 pm

    It’s all so very NTTAWWT.



  26. GROMON
    May 31, 2008 11:48 am

    great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11



  27. GROMON
    May 31, 2008 11:49 am

    great!!!!!!!!

    !

    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !!
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !!
    !



  28. GROMON
    May 31, 2008 11:55 am

    great!!!!!!!!

    !

    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !!
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !!

    k

    k

    k
    k
    kk
    k
    k

    kkk
    k

    kk
    k

    k
    kk

    k
    kk

    k
    k
    kk
    k
    kk

    k
    kk
    k
    k
    k
    k
    kk

    kk
    kk
    k

    k
    kkk
    k
    k
    k
    k
    k
    k

    !