That’s right, men of the Pittsburgh Men’s Blogging Society. I said it.

I’m the furthest thing from a radical feminist, it’s true. I want my door held. I want your bus seat if there aren’t any left. I want you to let me go first. I want you to hold my elbow when I walk on ice.

I am capable of admitting that on the whole, men are the physically stronger sex. I don’t care if that makes me seem “weak,” because in my heart I know that enjoying all the fun and makeup and shoes that comes with being the “gentler sex” does not mean that I can’t whip your butt at tennis. It does not mean that if you cross me, I won’t make you pay for it dearly in a way that’s not so much “gentle” as it is “painful” and “did she really just kick me THERE?

Put me in a room with a die-hard feminist (hiya, Jan Beatty) and I guarantee within ten minutes that girl will be Chuck Norris-ing me with all her might while screaming something about “traitor to the sex.”

When I was a young girl and a teenager, and come to think of it, now as an adult, I almost always took/take my father’s side in an argument. “But Mom, did you ASK him to do the dishes or did you just assume that he would know they needed done? Did you actually ASK him to cut the three-foot high grass or did you just assume that he would know it needed done? Did you TELL him you didn’t want a gallon-size bottle of Jean-Nate for your birthday?”

This pisses my awesome mother off like you would not believe.

But I call ‘em like I see ‘em, so I’m going to go ahead and say, “WTF is up with all the naked running around and being stupid that the boys are doing these days?”

Two Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins were charged by Scranton police following an incident early Sunday morning in which the team captain allegedly ran naked in view of a police officer. According to the police report, officer Michael Marino was on routine patrol at 2:29 a.m. along the 100 block of Adams Avenue when he saw a group of men standing in the street. As he drove closer, one man, who police later identified as Nathan Smith, came out from behind the group and started running naked toward Marino’s location.

When God made men, did he put the hunter/gatherer thread in the DNA and then accidentally spill some “LET’S GET NAKED!” string in there?

Santonio’s boy parts, SNBM’s boy parts, SNBM 2.0′s boy parts, Baby Penguin’s boy parts, Jeff Reed’s shaved boy parts. Geez!

At least while the girls of the Burgh are beating the crap out of our sister with said sister’s own prosthetic leg, or throwing metal planters at Good Samaritans (allegedly), or shooting our nephew when he rides by on his ATV, or leaving our baby in a car while we go buy drugs, we for the most part know how to break the law with OUR CLOTHES ON!

God.

Stupid warmongering, pillaging, drunk, drugged, naked boys.

(If you do not understand satire or if you do not have a sense of humor, you are not allowed to write me and yell at me. That goes for all y’all. Boys and girls.)

(h/t reader Ed)

Category: Eye rolls, Penguins, Steelers, Weird Burghers | tags: Pittsburgh Penguins, Steelers | May 1, 2008 | | ShareThis