I’m going to share some deeply personal information with you all in this post, so if you’d rather not know anything important about PittGirl, you’d best just bloop-bloop-bloop yourself to the next post.
PittGirl is a girl. That means PittGirl is female. That means that PittGirl has girl parts. That means that PittGirl has a uterus (OMG. NO. I am not pregnant. I swear, you guys … ). And that means that once a month, yes, PittGirl does in fact … GET HER PERIOD!
So like most normal girls, I keep a stash of “feminine hygiene products” in my office at work because it’s just smart menstruating, right girls? As it happens, today I am suffering a serious sinus headache and sniffles so I ran to CVS to pick up something to kick the literal snot out of my nasal cavity. While there, I decided to pick up a new supply of “feminine hygiene products with wings” as well as a can of low-fat Pringles that tripped me and beat me about the face until I agreed to purchase them. With my “product” in my hand for all to see, I smiled at the delivery man and said “excuse me” as I walked around him while he was stocking the bread (Bread!).
I headed up to smiley cashier girl and happily plopped my purchased on the counter and asked her how she was doing this fine Burgh day. She’s doing just fine, in case you’re wondering. So anyway, ding, ding, ding, swipe, punch punch punch punch, enter, no cash back, yes, here’s your bag and your receipt and have a nice day, PittGirl.
That is my CVS bag.
This is the INSIDE of my CVS bag.
She wrapped my feminine hygiene product in a brown paper bag! Nothing else. The Pringles and the Sudafed were just floating around the plastic bag, but tucked safely in the brown paper bag were my “products.”
1. Really? Maybe when I was 13 I would have appreciated this, but, come on. Is it 1789 and we don’t like to admit that women do any of the following: menstruate, get pregnant, give birth, have independent thoughts?
2. What do they think is going to happen? Do they think I’m going to walk down the street with my semi-transparent bag and some guy is going to say, “Hey, that chick is hot. What’s she got there in her — Oh. My. God. That is so gross. I must run and vomit now. Away from me, you hideous, possibly bleeding monster!”
3. It is a little white bag with pink daisies on it. It’s not Hustler. It’s not porn. It’s not booze. It’s not even a smut novel with Fabio on the cover. It’s strategically shaped dry-weave. It’s not that embarrassing. At least not to me.
4. I’m more embarrassed about the fact that I bought Pringles than I am about the fact that I bought some Kotex.
5. What else do they wrap in brown bags? Pregnancy tests? Hemorrhoid cream? Anti-fungal anything? Rogaine? Extra-small Trojan condoms?
I’m very intrigued by this giant waste of paper.