I realize that the following are true:
- Jaromir Jagr is no longer a Penguin and hasn’t been one for a long long time.
- Jaromir Jagr had/has a gambling problem.
- As a good Burgher, I should boo and hate and possibly try to Juju-curse Jaromir Jagr, because he is a “traitor” and because he talks smack about Sid.
However, all of the following are true as well:
- I love Jaromir Jagr. I always have and unless he hunts me down and sticks an angry pigeon down my shirt, I always will.
- If I wasn’t already dealing with the constant bickering of three very different imaginary self-united husbands, I’d totally self-unite with Jaromir Jagr, too.
- Jaromir Jagr is a fun name to say.
- When Jaromir Jagr and Ruutu were jawing at each other yesterday, and Jaromir threw some jesting kissy-kisses at Ruutu, resulting in Ruutu pushing him to the ice in anger … I loved Jaromir Jagr all the more. I love Ruutu, but come on, that was awesome. Here’s a very grainy video of it that Saucy took, but I’ll upload a better quality one later:
- When the game was over and Jaromir Jagr didn’t just shake the hands of the Pens, but looked every single one of our boys in the eyes and congratulated them with sincere graciousness and a smile on his face … well, I wonder if Jaromir Jagr has any babies he’d like me to birth for him? (Coming up at 11:00!)
- As suggested to me by a reader, I completely agree that the Pens should sign Jaromir Jagr to a one-year contract so that he can end his career as a Penguin.
Yesterday, while watching the game with my family (kids and dogs and big people flipping out everywhere) I turned to my brother-in-law, who as a person that has lived all over the country and prides himself that the Pens are his fourth favorite team (I believe after the Lakers, the Raiders, and some other major loser team), and said to him, “I love Jaromir Jagr.” My brother-in-law looked at me like I just grew some gerbera daisies out of my forehead and said, “OMG. I HATE Jaromir Jagr. Hate.”
When Jaromir Jagr kissy-kissed Ruutu, I turned to my brother-in-law and said, “I love Jaromir Jagr even MORE now.”
He looked at me like I might know what I’m talking about because as he said, “That was pretty funny.”
When the game was over and Jaromir was being his hot, gracious self, I looked at my brother-in-law and said, “I REALLY REALLY love Jaromir Jagr” and my brother-in-law looked at me and said, “I must admit, that was very gracious of Jagr.”
That was my opening. “Brother-in-law, think about this. You’re Jaromir Jagr. You’re free after this season and you’re in the twilight of your career. You’re thinking of heading to Russia to play one more season. Why not just sign with the Pens for one more year? End your career with the team you started with. Go full circle. You’ve still got a house in the city! Why the hell not? Could you imagine a Crosby-Malkin-Jagr line coming at a goalie? Hawt.”
While my mother immediately jumped on that train like it was the last one until next Tuesday, my brother-in-law came THIS close to running along side it and hopping on board. It eventually left the station without him.
Do any of YOU agree with me? Don’t you think the Burgh would welcome Jaromir Jagr back with open arms and maybe some boob-flashing?
I should say here that my wanting Jagr back on the Penguins is not intended as disrespect to Hossa, because after yesterday’s game, I’m wondering if Hossa might also have any use for my womb?
Coming up next at 11:00! Only on KDKA.