It’s hard to believe it, but you guys know I wouldn’t tell you a lie … unless it was a funny lie … and this is not even a little bit funny.
There are still people on the planet that proudly admit that they are die-hard Buccos of Suckitude fans. People that go to every game and know every player (I know three: Freddy Sanchez, Jason Bay, and Doug Drabek. What?). People that have not yet tossed their every Buccos collectible into an angry bonfire. People that look at a 15-year losing record and say, “Next year. Next year we’re winning the whole damn thing.” Delusional people.
Mondesi’s House has found the nation’s die-est hard-est Buccos of Suckitude fans and your job is to go and vote because the winner gets some pretty sweet prizes. Well, for THEM they are prizes, for PittGirl, it’s more like tinder. But whatever.
The finalists range from the sad to the very sad. I mean, these people truly love the Buccos. I cannot comprehend that. It’s like loving a spouse that kicks you 62.5% of the time but that other 37.5% of the time, he’s a total winner. Why would you still love that spouse?
That’s a bad analogy. Bite me.
Wow. I’m testy today. Bite me.
Okay, I’m done. So listen, my favorite by FAR is Zach from Austin, Texas. Would you look at his picture with his friends at the game. He keeps score during the game!
You know how PittGirl keeps score when she’s dragged by her thick, lustrous hair to a Buccos game at PNC Park? I hear a loud collective groan and scattered boos after the crack of a bat, I look up from Saucy on whom I’m playing a killer game of PacMan, then I look up at the scoreboard and go, “Huh. Another home run. That Doug Drabek sucks. Hey! Can I get some more beer over here!?” THAT’S how you keep score at a Buccos game.